Like a moth to a flame

Fitztwins

I seem drawn to movies about dying.

I watched My Life last night with Micheal Keaton and Nicole Kidman (the movie is about 10 years old)...

2 weeks is another one..

I guess it must be that I just want to know what it is like.

anji111

Hi there Fitzwins, I ended up watching the Linda McCartney story last night.  Why do we do that to ourselves?

I really hope it's going to be good.  That probably sounds strange.  I'll tell you why.  I lost my youngest sister at 13 (2 weeks from her 14th birthday) in a car accident.  It's probably been at least 30 years and I still remember like it was yesterday.  I was 15 at the time.  Then I lost my dad, he was 43 at the time.  He got a head injury when he was working and ended up dying from epileptic fits.  Then my sister, she had cancer (not breast) and was Stage IV from the start and was gone in 10 months.  She was only 41.  I tell myself that if they can do it then so can I and it can't be that bad?  Half my family has done it.  I do still get scared.  I have never been a good passenger in a vehicle, and when the Dr. told me I had breast cancer I thought for sure I was going to die right away.

My sister was given some kind of drug that put her to sleep, sort of, and she just wasn't supposed to wake up again.  Just go peacefully.  She decided when the time was right for her.  But she did wake up one last time at the end and my mom and I were with her.  I remember her trying to talk but we couldn't understand what she was saying.  I told her that I loved her and she said I love you too.  Clear as anything.  As far as I remember that was the last thing she said. 

I was wondering whether or not to post this.  I know you had some not good news recently.  And maybe you're just thinking out loud.  But I wonder what it's going to be like sometimes too.  When we are given this shocking news it's really hard not to think about it.  I hope for all our sakes that it will be a wonderful thing (like the Bible says) and we'll get to see our loved ones again. I guess that's all we can do really is hope for the best.

Anyway, take care Fitzwins.  Thinking of you.

Anji x

hollyann

Hugs Fitz......I know what you mean about not being able to look away.......I seem to be drawn to movies like that lately too.......I guess I am in a morbid mood lately......I am so sorry to read about your latest news and just wanted to say I wish I could make it all go away.......I get so attached to people here and I guess I shouldn't but I am a people person.....I don't do well without my two-legged friends....LOL  I wish we could all get together in one spot (I think the SuperDome woudl hold us all LOL).......That would be so wondermous!.......I recently witnessed my sister's passing and saw such beautiful lights and halos  when she passed...I know it the angels come to take her home.....I am th eonly one who saw it.......It was beautiful...I truly believe there is something better waiting for us on the other side.......And I for one can hardly wait to get there.......I miss my family and friends who have gone on........

Take car, sweet Fitz,  We are all here for you and praying for the best for you.......

konakat

Hi Fitz,

I haven't watched the movies, but I'm searching online a lot about what end of life is like.  What hospice is like.  It seems to be on my mind everyday.  I've been getting bad news lately...maybe it'll change if I get good news and feel hope instead of resignation.  Each time one of our sisters dies it gets worse for me, I'm sorry for them and sorry for myself.  I guess we just want to know what it will be like, get it set in our minds so we can cope, not be scared, and carry on.

hollyann

Gentle hugs Konakat.........I can only tell you what it is like form this side since I witnessed my sister's  passing in March.......I can tell you it was really peaceful for her and painfree....Other than that I wish I knew also.......I have thought about what it would be like ever since my own mother passed when I was 8 years old........I wonder what is really on the other side and if I will ever see her and my dad ever again.....Curiously I don't miss my dad as much as mom because he passed when i was 8 months old but I miss my mother just as much to day as I did 37 years ago........I wish you and Fitz peace and comfort.........I am so sorry both of you have gotten bad news lately.....All I can say to that is Cancer Sucks!.......I wish I had something profoudn to say to you both that would help......I don't want to come off as one of those stupid things people say people.......But I do want you both to know you are always in my thoughts and prayers at night.......

Fitztwins

Hey ladies, I haven't gotten bad news lately?

anji111

Hello, I'm so happy you didn't have bad news!  Did I ever word my post wrong.   I was thinking about the post you made when you were Waiting for news from the Dr.  I related to that so much!  So my sincere apologies if I started something here.  Not my intention at all.

Take care,

 Anji x

hollyann

Fitz so glad you haven't gotten any bad news!.......That is always a good thing........((((Fitz)))))

saint

Hey Fitz----I have seen so many movies about dying I can't begin to list them all-----I guess it's like Bette Davis says in Dark Passage: by the time I die I will have 'visited' death so many times it will seem like an old friend!

My big gripe is--I have not seen ONE movie that dealt with dx & tx realistically---it is always used as a vehicle to get the movie to the peak of emotion without wasting time on how things ACTUALLY go in real life! It is always,"Sorry, there is nothing we can do>" no matter the age or the type of cancer----makes me steaming mad cuz it perpetuates the terror of cancer to the public!

HUGS & thanx for the rant---be well & stay strong 

mammalamma

Hi ladies, it's mamma again.  When you can say ..'been there done that...' to dying [and then come back], people say:  'WHUUT?'  In Jan 2006, I became septic as a result of a surgical infection.  Probably most people know that this is a very serious, usually fatal development.  Long story short, I believe I was part way on the crossing over journey.  I will be happy to share it with anyone who would like; I can see that this experience was totally consistent with what I have believed for 30 yrs., as an evangelical, intense personality kind of lady.  So..I also realize that this group is diverse and we all are in tremendous pain right now.  Some, even myself, feel like I could be crushed by a feather so often, at this point.  I would not want to inadvertently crush by indiscriminately sharing something so deep  [Jesus always made it personal].  So maybe I could put something together, and if there is an interest, pm me.  I am not afraid now to die, but for some reason that doesn't make it any easier to rest, and somehow passively let myself go.  For each of us, every day is a gift; I want to receive as well as give while I still can fight for my life.  Thanks for listening,ladies, hope this can help at least one soul in this special community of ours.      Love, Marykay 

Fitztwins

Actually, the Movie WIT....goes into the horrors of treatment. It was not one of those tear jerkers, in that sense.

saint

hmmmm---I THINK I saw that-who's in it? IF it's the one I have in mind I agree----forgot about that one!

Fitztwins

Oh heck, can't remember her name. A Brit actress.

2 Weeks is another one that deals with the End of life, realistically. Sally Field is in this one.

dreamwriter

I know this feeling.  We want to know what dying will be like.  Can we be brave.  Will we be standing naked and demented?  What is worse, having a mind working that cant communicate or being out of your ever lovin mind?  And we need to know.  We are in the firing range.

abbyglp

Fitz you are not alone, I think it would be hard for a terminal ill person not to watch a show about dying. We are human and curiosity is in our nature, we want to know how it can happen and we want to believe that we can control how it can happen. But we can't, we can only hope that we can. hugs  

saint

Dream-----I wish that "dedicated medical type" had NOT given you the idea that you WILL be "naked & demented".............I do NOT believe you are condemned to that kind of death---maybe not even any Depends.........HUGS sister-sometimes ppl can plant weed-seeds that push out every other healthy plant.....embrace the positive or you won't want to play with me in Fla!! LOL