I feel SO good, how can this be happening to me?

goldenmermaid

I feel SO good, how can this be happening to me?

goldenmermaid

I just found out my biopsy results today - my doctor is out of town at a conference and I spoke to a nurse navigator at our Comprehensive Breast Health Center.    I am alone and have one son out of state and I have cried so much I've made myself sick at my stomach and I haven't eaten since last night.

The nurse navigator was awesome - I just got back from talking to her over 1 hour - telling me what to expect, answering questions and sending me home with a 3" binder with great information.   I hope to speak to the best surgeon in our area sometime next week and now with the information, I can ask intelligent questions.   I know what tests will be mentioned to me and understand what they are for - before this meeting with the navigator, I didn't have a clue to what was involved.

I felt a thickening a few weeks ago and went to my GYN who sent me for an ultrasound.    Last Thursday, I had the biopsy and got the results today.    My mammograms have been "normal" for the past 35 years and the mass is 1 cm.   It started in a duct and a few cells are in the fatty tissue.     I also found out that this cancer strives on hormone replacement drugs - hence I've stopped mine even after talking to my GYN for years to let me stop it.    I've been on it for 15+ years and had a gut feeling that it wasn't good for me to be on it that long.    It's not being fed by those stupid drugs.

I'm scared/concerned and worried - all I understand now are normal after getting this type of news.   Especially after having the radiologists that did the ultrasound tell me that it's not a simple cyst, it doesn't look suspicious - it's abnormal and needs further evaluation - then to hear the "C word" this morning?   

I am so glad I found this site (recommended by the nurse navigator) because I've been told that this one posts the TRUTH and not a bunch of garbage to confuse us more.

The being alone part is what's bugging me right now - I know I'll be fine and will be dancing at my grandsons wedding 20+ years from now (he's only 2!) 

 I'm new to this and haven't learned all of the correct lingo -

CAROLMARIE427

Hi, My cancer diagnosis was different from yours, so hopefully someone else here can explain everything medical to you.  You just seemed alone and sad and that part I can understand.  It is devastating to get the news of the "C" word. I just wanted to let you know that you definitely are not alone on these message boards.  Each and every woman is a true inspiration and we all rely on each other in good times and in bad.  Hang in there.  This is the hardest part of the journey.  I am sure you will be dancing up a storm at your grandson's wedding one day.  Hugs and kisses your way. 

just_mary

Hi,

Sorry you are joining our group here.  You are not alone, there are so many of us going through this and we are here for you. I found out in May 2009, I had breast cancer, I've been through alot since then.  The women here are amazing and have alot of answer, so feel free to ask and I'm sure someone has the answer.  They have helped me alot. 

I just had both breast removed and I'm dealing with one side being infected and maybe another surgery, but we do what we must.   You are correct when you say you will be dancing at your grandsons wedding in 20 plus years, because you will.  This is just a set back, we deal with alot of doctors as you will soon see.  At first it will seem like to much, but then it settles into a schedule that you can handle, carry a calender with you to all doctor appointments, you will need it, so that you can space them out.  You are stronger than you think....

God Bless you, Mary

FACECRAFTER

GoldenMermaid:

How wonderful that you had such a resource to tell you all... You are no longer alone.  There are hundreds (thousands) of women on this site that are with you, and yes, you will dance at your grandson's wedding.

Perhaps if I can tell you the one thing I had to learn in this journey, it is that there are no straight paths.  There are twists and turns for all of us.  Dates, treatments, surgeries, whatever, are postponed, changed, or simply go longer (or shorter) than you planned.  So stop planning, and just go with it.  No one is in control, not even your doctors.  We all wait to see what comes next.  Just be prepared to give up control, and just take it a day at a time.  I am a control freak, and for me, that was not easy.   But once I got the hang of it, life was much better. 

This is a great website.  Once your treatments start, join the board that seems to 'fit' you.  like "Starting chemo in July"  or whatever.    Remember we're always here to answer questions, and to offer support.  We've all been there, or are going through what you are going through. 

Also, we've learned to advocate for ourselves.  Ask questions, know what you're getting, and why.  You can come to the boards for help with questions, and with answers.   

Good luck, good health, and hardest of all, be patient...  JUDY

goldenmermaid

Thanks for your posts.    Until today, I never had any reason to go into depth on this subject.     I have an appt. on Monday to speak with a surgeon that specializes in only breast surgery/health.    The nurse navigator answered so many questions earlier today.   I am surrounded by positive friends and my son is supported.   It's just living alone and feeling like an island that no one can reach.   I know different now after finding this site.

I know now it's o.k. to cry, to be angry - it's all part of the healing process.    I am amazed at how many people are dealing with the same thing I am - I truly am NOT alone.

FACECRAFTER

We are a sisterhood,  the Ta Ta Sisterhood... Welcome, although it's a party you never wanted to join... 

Could you fill out the profile form?  So we have an idea of what your Dx (diagnosis) is and where you are from?  Go to my home, edit my profile, and edit my diagnosis (I think).  You can also put in a phrase  (like keep swimming)  and if you like, your first name...  If we know where you are from, we can help with surgeons, etc.   You'll be amazed at how many women there are from everywhere.

Keep on keeping on,  JUDY

FACECRAFTER

Oh, I forgot.  You are about to get wa whole lot of information-papers.  Keep them in a loose leaf notebook. (I have four- labeled insurande,  radiation and test results,  reconstruction and research,  and doctors, Q&A)  .. Being alone, you need a second pair of ears.  You have two choices:

1. Choose a friend or a relative to go with you to every appointment.  He or she will hear what you missed, or what you misinterpreted

2. Get a tape recorder- a little one- that you take with you to every appointment.  And remember to turn it on.  Then when you get home, you can re-listen to what was said.   We get lots of info given to us, and we tend to 'go off' on certain information, and miss out on a lot of it.  The tape recorder really helps.  JUDY

bettysgirl

I am so sorry you had to join us but there are lots of wonderful women, all with different experiences, with all kinds of info. They have made all the difference in the world to me. You are in the worst time (in my opinion) I was dx'd on a Friday..had to wait until the next week to see the surgeon and the waiting was terrible. I was at work when he called. I knew as soon as I heard his voice what it was going to be. I am sorry you are alone. You will find lots of info and support here.

Try to take it a little at a time. I know that it is very overwhelming right now. It's okay to feel like you've been broadsided. It is a tough thing to hear. BUT we are all pulling for you and we are here to listen.

Best wishes

Lisa/Bettysgirl

goldenmermaid

Good ideas - thanks.    The nurse navigator gave me a 3" binder with information/brochures/etc and there are places for me to keep everything in there.    

PAP

GOLDENMERMAID.....I know exactly how you must feel.  I was really in denial for quite awhile because I am so healthy at 63 and thought cancer would not catch me.  Wow....what a shock it was for me as I'm sure it is for you.  I don't think I really accepted that I am fighting cancer until after my first chemo treatment....then when I lost my hair....reality really hit. I must say that the chemo has been ever so much better than I anticipated and I am so glad I chose the plan I am receiving.  As you get further along on this journey you might have decisions and choices to make so just come to these discussion boards for insight, information, love, and support.  Patti 

Makratz

Golden, you are not alone.  We are all here with you and have gone through this ourselves.  It's a journey that no on wants to take, but please don't feel alone.  I know that you, like me, will soon have many friends on these boards that can help you everyday.  We can give you advice or just listen when you want to scream!! 

My advice to you right now is to make a list of all the questions you want to ask.  Write everything down, that way you don't forget things.  Start a notebook and keep all the info together.  If possible, don't go to your doctors appointments alone.  You get so much info these, your head will be spinning.  It's helpful to have someone with you.  If not, try tape recording the info so you have it to review later.

Hang in there. It's scary but doable.  Please take care of yourself.  Oh, and many of us, when first diagnosed, were given prescriptions for antianxiety meds to help us through this.  Just ask your doctor if you want them.  They really helped me and never made me feel loopy.

((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

dlb823

Hi, goldenmermaid ~  I'm so sorry you're joining this sorority that none of us ever wanted to be in, but you've found the best place in the world to get information, support, and make some new friends who understand exactly what you're going through.

I, too, was on HRT for 15 years, and feel that it was probably the key factor in my developing bc.  But bc probably isn't caused by any one thing, and we don't know for sure why some women develop it and some don't, so there's no sense in beating ourselves up about it.  One very good thing that I just recently learned is that women who were on HRT and developed bc seem to have significantly fewer recurrences on down the road.  There's a lengthy, recent post about that research on another thread here.  I'll try to find it and give you a link to it.

As others have said, this is the very worst time in the journey -- knowing you have bc, but not having a real solid picture of what's ahead.  As soon as you have a great medical team in place and a treatment gameplan, things will get so much better.  Until then and from now on, we're here for you ~   Deanna

pj12

Hi Goldenmermaid,

 You ARE strong and you WILL get through this.  Judy's advice to go with the flow is the best!  Don't be disappointed or upset by minor events and glitches.  Expect the unexpected.  And don't be afraid to plan for the future.  This forum is a Godsend.  When you feel that you cannot burden your relatives and friends with your secret worries, your sisters are here to listen, advise and raise you up.

Pam 

goldenmermaid

I am in awe of the number of you that have replied.     I got the news this morning at 8:30 a.m. and by 2 p.m. had more information than I ever knew was out there.     The support you guys are showing is appreciated more than you'll ever know (or should I say - you guys DO know.)

Thanks again - It does help to have support from women that truly do understand what I'm feeling and going through rather than have someone say what they think you want/need to hear. 

nelia48

I, too, am sorry that you had to join us here, but believe me, this is the best place to be.  I know how your head must be spinning, the fears are all there, and the tears will flow for a while.  But as you take each step one at a time, you will learn that this is NOT the end!  I remember thinking it would all never end, the chemo, the surgery, the radiation, etc.  But yes, in 10 months, it was all over, and with great results!  So take a deep breath, step back a little, and know that you are in good hands and WILL get through all of this!  Keep us posted, won't you?

SoCalLisa

Hi there golden..first let me start out by saying that soon I will be a nine year survivor...

I bet you feel you have to get a PHD in breast cancer in a couple of weeks...all I can say

is slow down, take a deep breath and take just one step at a time...very soon you will have

 a better picture of just what you are dealing with and the best treatment plan for you...

Know there are alot of sisters on this site to help guide you....there is alot of information on

this site, much of which will probably not have anything to do with your particular situation

Sending hugs...

So Cal