All About Gummies

Mantra

Lilah . . . but I want to keep my TE forever, LOL!! They'll drag me kicking and screaming into the OR while my lawyer is seated next to me quickly drafting up an agreement giving me complete custody of my TE!!

I guess if I really hate the gummies, I can always go back and do a different type of surgery. I don't think I would actually go that route . . . I'm a really adaptable person, but knowing I have the ability to have a plan B in place makes things a little easier to deal with.

Lilah

Mantra - give the gummies a try if you are so inclined, you can always switch to regular silicone if you hate them

Sharon2010

I felt the same way about my TEs.  Although I found them uncomfortable and really didn't like feeling the port, there was something comforting about knowing that they weren't permanent and left room for imagination and expectation.  I've had a few "good boob days" this week, when I haven't hated them, and even liked how they looked at times.  I know it shouldn't mean anything to me, but the other day I was walking through a doorway into a building and a guy opened the door for me and literally locked on my foobs as his eyes followed me through the door.  That hasn't happened too many times since my 20's, so it felt good that the fake ones can illicit that response.  It's one thing for my husband to love them, but quite another when a stranger oogles them.  Silly, I know, but it was a little ego boost.

Lilah

WTG Sharon on the foob-ogling!   I love it.

sweetie2040

Sharon2010- awww-it's good to know your still got it! I'm sure he noticed your beautiful smile too, but it's all good.

Mantra- I agree!

elizzim

I have been quietly reading along with all of you, even though I've not been chiming in. 

Sharon, in your last post you mentioned that your husband loves your "foobs". I'd love to know more about how he feels about them. I'm just now dating after cancer and reconstruction - I'm the one who started this thread many, many months ago - and I find myslef LITERALLY up at night, imagining what will happen when/if I really like someone, and I have to share my history with BC with him. Will he reject me because of all this? Will he recoil at the firmness of these "breasts", which don't really feel like real breasts at all. And, do you all have the problem of that wrinkling/deformity when you engage your pectoral muscles - how on earth do you have sex without doing that? Sorry for being so graphic, but this is the only place I can ask! And I haven't even touched on the loss of sensation, which affects sexuality, or the effects of tamoxifen, which I'm on.

I've actually been very positive about it all, and even happy most of the time. But now that I'm approaching the real moment when I have to expose myself to a new man, I'm terrified. I'd really appreciate hearing more from anyone who could shed some light on the male response to gummy implants. 

Sharon2010

Liz, My husband loves my foobs because he loves me.  Yes, they deform when I flex, which certainly happens during sex, but mostly we've been in the dark or dim light, so I've felt a little better about it, as they weren't as visible.   I think regular silicone that is placed sub-pectorally will also deform during flexing too, because it is under the muscle, not necessarily because it's a gummy.  I wonder if someone who has had both can chime in on that?  I still occasionally wear a top too during sex.  He wouldn't care if we were under fluorescent lights and he could see every ripple, dent, or oddity.  He knows I'm self conscious about them so doesn't push me to disrobe when I don't want to.  I think he picks up on my vibe of "this area is a no fly zone", and has respected that.  I don't have sensation back, and that does bother me, but I'm told that may return in time.  If it doesn't, he'll just continue to search for more "responsive" zones.  I've read every one of your posts from your first one over a year ago, because I too have really had a problem with the dents, bumps, bubbles, ridges, etc, of these door stops that now reside on my chest masquerading as boobs.  I felt better reading your posts when you said that they loosed up and you were ok with the firmness now.  I am also going to try fat grafting at some point in the near future.  My PS wants me to wait because of the extra surgeries  I needed for the infection I got.  I feel for you going through this single, but please know that most guys will be too distracted with the fact that they are in bed with a beautiful, sexy and totally fabulous woman to notice what you see as glaringly obvious.  Every time I call my husband in to the bathroom to look at a new "deformity," that I'd discovered, he actually has to really search for what I'm seeing.  Your new boyfriend will likely do that too.  He will know about what you've been through before you get to the point where you are in bed together, and will be sensitive to your feelings.  My husband is just so happy that I'm alive and doing well that I think he wouldn't care what I looked like.  During that 5 week period after my infection when I only had one expander, he still wanted to be with me.  To me I never looked worse, and thought my right side looked like an old lady without her teeth in.  He didn't care.  I, on the other hand, haven't been really that interested in sex for awhile since all this happened.  BC can rip away at ones sexuality like nothing else.  My husband looks at reconstructed, and un-reconstructed boobs for a living, and that may dull the impact of mine a little bit, but I think that regardless of the fact that he deals with cancer every day, he would still love my foobs for what they are, because of who they are attached to, not what they look like when flexing in a certain position.  I will reiterate what many others have posted here, if he has a problem with the way you look or feel, then he isn't the man for you.  There are so many men out there that will not just accept them, but LOVE them!  One thing I learned in my dating years...Men don't care how they look necessarily. It doesn't matter what size, shape, or texture, if they are lucky enough to get some one on one time with them, they are happy as can be!  Now a question for you...  Has the fat grafting really helped with the dented appearance?  Are you still considering an exchange for traditional silicone?  Thank you for starting this thread Liz, it has been immensely helpful to me hearing about others experiences.  I don't feel so alone anymore.

Lilah

Elizzim -- what Sharon said when it comes to this issue of being rejected.  A good man will care more about you and less about your foobs.  Honestly, the firmness may be a big turn-on!  (Young boobs are firm   You are going to have to risk the rejection -- but frankly as Sharon said if it's an issue for him than he's not worth your time.  I think the real issue is you.  You have to find a way to make peace with your new body, regardless of what some guy thinks.  I mostly feel very good about myself.  My boyfriend, when I do get insecure, rolls his eyes at me; he is just glad I'm alive and able to enjoy our life together.  You need to find a man who can feel that way about you.  It can be done!  You have such a warm smile and are so pretty (in your picture) -- I wish you only happiness.

elizzim

Sharon and Lilah,

You've both helped me more than I can tell you! Sharon, I'm not sure why I should need to hear from you what I already know intellectually, but for some reason, I do. Thanks for sharing your husbands feelings and reactions with me, and for reminding me that the connection with any potential man will be by definition on a deeper level. This is hard work for me, but in all honesty it was work I needed to do way before I ever had BC. I need to understand that if attraction is not part of love and devotion that has strong roots in who each other is, it's not worth anything.

It's so comforting for me to know that your husband (Sharon) loves you without qualification, and rolls his eyes when you're obsessing about your chest. I guess the real challenge, then, is getting to a strong place in one's self, and finding a man who truly has substance.  

sweetie2040

Elizzim,Sharon and Lilah,

I have appreciated your candid sharing of how you feel about your bodies. I feel the same way as all of you. I think we all do in one way or another, married or not. When I had the choice of lumpectomy vs mastectomy my husband said he wanted me to do the most I could to get rid of the cancer. He wasn't as concerned about what would happen to my boobs (although he was very sensitive to my feelings) as he was concerned about me getting well. Now that it is said and done and I have the TE in place I analyze everything! I show him every detail of what I don't like and talk constantly about my hopes for the exchange. What I have noticed though is that through it all he has been constant. Nothing has changed about his feelings for me. He still loves me, wants to be with me and finds me attractive. This in no way has harmed our relationship or sexual relationship and in fact has in many ways made us stronger.I guess the point is we have to learn to feel good about ourselves first, knowing our beauty is more than the sum of body parts. Of course we all want to look good, that's part of being a woman, but we should never feel less of a woman because something looks different than it once did. I think we will continually change as we age ( I don't like any of it either!) but in someways as I get older I get more confident and feel more like a woman than I did in my 20's. I think it's very true anyone worth loving will love you for who you are, and did we forget the many imperfections men have! I think we are much harder on ourselves than they are on themselves. Through this difficult journey we all have to learn to accept our new bodies, love ourselves and feel beautiful the way we are and we will come to that place of feeling sexy again and when you feel sexy you are sexy.

Besides all you ladies are very beautiful inside and out and special to me and I'm thankful for all of you!

Claire82

This made me cry, sweetie. You're very fortunate to have your DH in your life.

sweetie2040

Claire82-awww ....thanks. We just celebrated 22 years of marriage! It hasn't always been easy, but I am thankful for him and my family. I guess it was that foundation that helped us through this. One thing I noticed the older I get (now 45) the more comfortable I feel about myself as a woman. I look less at my imperfections and more at my life experience and what I have been blessed with or accomplished. It is a different kind of confidence, one that comes from being a mother, wife, and a woman. As odd as it seems having gone through this experience of cancer has actually made me feel more like a woman in a way that I feel stronger and empowered because although this thing tried to come into my life and shake me but I won't let it!

Lilah

You GO sweetie!

elizzim

Last night in the shower, I realized that I had forgotten to respond to your question about fat grafting, Sharon. So here's my answer:

I had one fat grafting surgery, and I have another scheduled for September 7th. I found that the fat grafting refined the contours of the breasts subtly, but aprreciably enought that it made a real difference to me. There is still a lot of uneveness, and there are dents in areas. They would be more accurately described as ripples, but they are not the kind of ripples that you get with saline, or softer silicone (i.e. ripples that move as the implant moves and shifts). They are "fixed" ripples, where I wish there were a smooth, taut surface.

For me, the fat grafting, where it was done the first time, softened these dents - although it did not completely cover them. It also made the upper pole of the breast that my PS focused on - where it meets my upper chest - softer and more natural feeling. The fat grafting made things better enough to make it very worthwhile, from my perspective. 

Here is what the fat grafting did NOT do: my skin, post mastectomy is very, unnaturally thin. Therefore, especially on the bottom of the breasts, you can see and feel every bump and imperfection right under the skin. Similarly, on the outer sides of the breasts, there are areas of very visible ripples and uneveness. My PS would not do fat grafting on these two area, because he says that they have a strong tendency to become lumpy - it just doesn't take well there. So, I just have to accept that these areas will remain as they are. 

I hope that helps give you a better sense of what to expect. I'd be happy to answer any specific questions, too! 

sweetie2040

Elizzam-what size gummies did you go with? Did you go up much from your original size? Did you ever put your pics on the pic forum? I am at 400cc's  (TE) now and thinking they may be too small but I also wonder if going up in size makes the skin thinner and ripples show more easily. I also wonder how does everything get filled out in this pocket since I see ripples now, does any type of implant really fill out our pockets completely or are ripples just the nature of reconstructed breasts?  My Dr. did not mention about fat graphing at all. Is this something most PS do?

Lilah-your a doll!

Sharon2010

I haven't been on for a few days, so just catching up.  I'm packing for a family vacation and have been crazy trying to get everything together and also get everything set up for school when we get back.

Liz- That was very helpful.  I've got a few dents and ridges, and one very strange bubble that seems to appear after I flex and then doesn't go away for awhile.  It's strange, and it will show through clothing, depending on how thin of a shirt I'm wearing.  If that can be fixed, or even lessened a bit with fat grafting, then I'll be happy.  

I thought of something that might make you feel a bit better about how a man might feel about the firmness.  We as women are (or were) used to our own breasts.  The firmess or lack there of, the texture, the height, etc, were all PROBABLY our only experience with feeling breasts (no assumptions about sexuality).  I know that my breasts were the only ones I have ever touched, so they are my only experience, but I know that every woman has a totally different feel.  I used to have a friend that was so firm that she never had to wear a bra, even though she was a C cup! Although I (we) may only have experience with how our own breasts felt, MEN, on the other hand, have had lots of experience with lots of different breasts.  They have felt the small and mushy, large and mushy, large and firm, small and firm, bumpy, lumpy, big nipples, small nipples, and the list goes on.  No two boobs are exactly alike.  So although you might be self conscious of how your foobs may feel or look to him, he might not think they are much different from some others he many have encountered over the years.  He might even think they are better!  

On another note,  I got those fake nipples I ordered in the mail today.  From about 4 feet away in the mirror, they look real, and it was so nice looking at myself and feeling more complete.  Up close you can see the edges, and they don't look that real.  Still, it was nice.  I took a picture and sent it to my husband at work.  I haven't done that since we were newlyweds!  I also realized one of the things I'm not loving about the gummies that I couldn't quite put my finger on before, but has bothered me.  They may be shaped more naturally, like a real breast, but without a bra or clothing.  As they don't change shape or get a lift with a bra, they always have a "braless" look.  To me, that looks a little saggy, even if they are not actually saggy, just bottom heavy.  When I'm wearing a nice outfit, I don't want to have that braless look even when I'm wearing one.  It just doesn't look right or appropriate.  I want a lifted look, and I haven't been able to achieve that yet.  I'm hoping that by adding fat to the top, it will balance the bottom-heaviness a bit.

OK, back to packing for vacation.  We're leaving Saturday, and I'm not sure I'll have internet access consistently, so I may be absent for a week. 

Sharon 

elizzim

Sharon - you're right - breasts come in many different shapes and sizes, and men, who don't have access to them AT ALL unless WE take our shirts off, are probably enamored of the whole range! I wish the gummies just looked and felt a little more breast-like, but I think if i share them with a man one day, and he accepts me and them totally and with love, I'll be OK. 

Sweetie - I actually don't remember the exact size of my implants - I'll have to look it up. OK - found it:  475 cc. I'll post photos once I'm done with the fat grafting (Sept. 7), as long as the photo site is still active. 

bcincolorado

Is anyone a uni and had a mamo since exchange surgery?  I had one this week and she insisted on checking the gummy side too since there is still breast tissue (I had NSM as well).  I told her my ps said no and the onco had ther order written for my non-surg side, but it didn't matter.  She didn't do the normal smush just put a little bit of pressure on them but I am so worried now that she damaged something.  Any input would be great.

Sharon2010

Bcincolorado- I didn't have a uni, but I asked my PS about mamos on the gummies, since there will always be breast tissue remaining.  He said that he would possibly do an MRI if he thought something was wrong.  No squeezing with an MRI.  I don't think gentle pressure would do anything to harm them, because they are known to have a really low rupture rate, but if you're unsure, then ask your PS for a script for an MRI.

Sharon2010

I just posted my post-reconstruction pictures on the picture forum.

Mantra

Sharon, when you said you think the implants have a sagging appearance, can I ask if you have full, moderate or low height?

sweetie2040

Sharon-I saw your pics on the forum and I wanted to tell I think you have a great result. I left you some more comments on there. I will post pics post exchange if the forum is still up by then.

Mantra

Sharon, I checked your photos. Very natural results. I sometimes think that we are our own worst critic..We seem to pick up on our own flaws and find imperfections where others see none.  As I discussed a few post backs, I'm dreading the exchange because I think my expectations vs reality are unrealistic and I'm afraid that for the first time since I found myself on this journey, I will hit a wall and the reality of the entire situation will come crashing down on me post exchange  If Lilah would allow me to  I would hang onto my tissue expanders for a few years just so I don't have to deal with the dose of reality that exchange surgery will likely bring.

I wish the Allergan or Mentor sites had actual photographs of people with implants of all the different height and different profiles. I'm a visual person and unless I see all of the different options at the same time, I'm never going to know which height and profile I like best. I do know she said she was going to raise my implants during the surgery because she said my natural breasts actually sat a bit lower than they should be.

pickle

I had a Uni mx in Feb 2009. TE placed Feb 2010. Exchange on the TE July 2010 and a small implant placed in the good side. I love the results. My PS said it would be really difficult to get symmetry with a uni but he did a great job. The gummies feel so natural...honestly no one would ever know that I've had reconstruction...unless they saw me naked beacuse I don't have a nipple yet...lol. My DH loves the soft feel of them. I didn't go any bigger than what I used to be but the great thing is that they are fuller now. I'm 49 so I had the shallowness happening at the top of my breasts...it's an age thing...but t even that is fuller now. I am thrilled that I took the time and made the best decision for me.

I asked my PS about mammos and he said it would be ok to get it in a year. MRI in the meantime.

Mantra

Pickle. do you know if yours are full, moderate or low height and the profile? AND OMG . . . The power of suggestion. I suddenly found myself craving a pickle and headed straight to the fridge for some dill pickles! SERIOUSLY

Sharon2010

Pickle, Im so glad you're happy with yours. That's great that they match up so well!

Mantra, I agree, I think they should have pictures of all the different implants INSIDE a woman, not just sitting on a table!  I needed to see results to help make a decision, not sacks of silicone! I wonder if your PS would give you back your TEs (cleaned up, of course), so you can use them as paperweights and always have them with you.   There is one good thing that comes with that dose of reality that the exchange brings, and that is the reality that you are one step closer to closing this chapter of your life. 

I know I'm my worst critic.  I find everything apparent and some things not apparent.  My biggest gripe (besides being too large and causing back pain) is that they don't have lift to them and appear to point down a bit, because that is apparent in clothing.  I think I could live with the dents and such, but with all I've been through, I at least want a perky set out of it!  On a positive note, they are softening up more and more every day, and now I'm very happy with their level of mushiness.  It feels more natural than it did even 2 weeks ago.  They still don't move like real breasts do, but I know I can't expect them to be exact replicas.  They are like stunt doubles in a movie.  They need to look enough like the celebrity in most physical attributes, but up close, you can tell they're not the real thing.  

So this is the crazy thing... I called my PS's office today to find out what the dimensions of my implants are, and I was wrong about them being 600cc, they are 690cc!!!  No wonder why I'm having back pain!  I have a feeling I was very concave before and that's why he needed to go so large, but nearly 700 on each side is a whole lot of boob to cary around!  The implants are 410FX, which I looked up, and is full height, and extra full profile projection.  Maybe I should have been moderate height, with extra full projection, so they sat higher.  I don't know.  My next appointment is in about a week and a half, right after I get home from vacation.  I'm going in there with a laundry list of questions.

One more day until Turks and Cacios...I can practically taste the Pina Colada! My PS said it was safe for me to go scuba diving, but I'm not so sure I want to attempt it so far from home or a real hospital.  Just in case...

You are all such wonderful women, and I feel so blessed to have you for support.  Your feedback has made me feel much better. 

DiDel

bcincolorado

I just had mammo on lefty and will have an MRI next month. I only had it on the left side and will continue to only have it on the left side according to my BS. My BS told me when scheduling the mammo to let them know that I was only doing one side. I will be having MRI every 6 months for the first 2 years then once a year after that provided everything looks ok.

Diane 

Lilah

Mantra -- LOL -- well it's not ME who says you can't... it's just the way they are made.  Some women have kept them as long as a year.  But you know: you kind of just have to decide you believe your PS will do the best he or she can and communicate what you want as best you can so that the PS can GIVE it to you within reason.

And as for pictures -- the truth is that the implant itself is different depending on the person and her body.  400 cc's can be small on one woman and huge on another -- for example -- and you can't possibly show that.  Imagine the same Medium Height Extra Projection implant on a woman who is 5'2" and a woman who is 5'8" for example -- or different chest widths -- etc.  I think that's why they don't show pictures.

I know that my TE was a fuller height than my medium height gummy -- even though I am pretty sure I had a medium height TE.  But the TE is a round, silicone filled implant; the gummy is tear drop shaped.  If you really LOVE your TEs, Mantra, maybe you want silicone rounds and NOT gummies.  Or maybe it's not that you love them so much as that you don't want to get to the finish line and feel the letdown (which for most is inevitable because we all seem to postpone the bad feelings while going through all of this -- then you get to exchange and you realize: oh -- these are NOT my breast(s) ... this is something else).

Pickles -- wow congrats on having such a great result!  I think that uni's who augment their remaining breast rather than reduce have the best chance at real symmetry, based on photos I've seen; when the remaining breast is reduced it's more difficult to match.  Did your PS augment the good side with an adjustable saline implant?  I've seen a few of those and it is truly amazing how they work - the size can be adjusted after exchange and augmentation.... to help facilitate a good match.

Sharon -- lol -- ok I love that: stunt doubles -- a perfect analogy!  And 410 FX!  Wow -- so yours ARE bigger than mine -- mine is a 410 MX and 685 cc's -- very close.  My PS told me the difference between MX and FX (between medium and full height) is all in the upper pole.  There is more there at the spot where the implant meets your chest above the breast.  So I opted for the medium height because (a) she recommended it and (b) I thought it would be a better match to my remaining breast (and it is).  Full height and my implant side would have been much fuller up there than my real body on the left.  BTW, while in the Turks make sure you cover up and use plenty of sunscreen on your chest.  My understanding is that you can burn more easily, even through clothes, because the skin is thinner now (or something like that).  Better safe than sorry!

sweetie2040

Mantra-I'm feeling your sentiments exactly. Choices,choices,choices. I think I'd rather just hold onto my TE too. I agree about the photos too. This whole reconstruction thing seems like a mystery at times, but I guess in the end we have to trust our Dr.

Lilah- I think your right. I think there is an underlying fear that I made it through this far so I don't want to face that next step and thus face the final results of this whole BC surgery thing.

Sharon- your too funny! Maybe we can call them stunt boobies!

pickle

Mantra: LOL....on the Pickle craving! On my mx side (left) I have Mentor smooth round moderate plus profile  gel implant cohesive. 400cc. On my augmneted side (Right) I have Mentor smooth round moderate profile gel implant cohesive .