My mom has IDC and im scared

Vixin

Hello all

My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in late feburary.  She had been suffering from an open wound on her breast for 14 months before being diagnosed.  She has had a masectomy and only has one chemo treatment left.  She starts radiation in septemember.  I live quite far from her, as i am away at school.  Basically im just really worried and feel like i dont know how to support her from so far away.  Recently my mother attended her cousins funeral.  I didnt know her cousin but she was 44 and died to invasive breast cancer that spread to her lungs; she left behind 3 little boys, 3, 5, and 7.  My mom called me to tell me about the funeral and it upset me even more. I guess every now and then it hits me that instead of her cousin,or someone else it could be her, my mom. And i know that everyone that suffers from cancer of any sort hurts as bad or worse than i am and believe me i sympathize and offer you my thoughts and hopes for you and everyone thats involved.  I guess im just having trouble dealing.

FLtricia

Dear VIxen,

I have had the experience of being the daughter of someone with breast cancer and the mother with breast cancer.

You can support your mother from far away.  Call often, pick up sweet cards and mail them.  As a daughter, I lived very close to my mother, but still had great fear for her suffering and possibly losing her.

From a mother's prospective, I will tell you your mother is probably worried about you, too.  I worried about my kids feeling fear for me.  I hated putting them through that.  I tried to make everything seem fine when many times that was very difficult for me, so maybe the distance will ease your mother of that burden. 

Your love shines through your writing, and I am sure your mother, who knows you so well, can feel your deep love and concern.  You are a good daughter! 

Try not to dwell on other people's outcomes.  None of us knows what tomorrow may bring.  My mother's cancer was very aggressive and the reports said her prognosis for survival was "very poor."  13 years isn't so poor.  Her 84th birthday was last week.

Take care and let us know how she progresses.

Pat 

debbie6122

Vixen- Im sorry to hear about your mom, i know this is a hard time for you, as you can see on this site we all have breast cancer of different forms, but we are all still here and alive, there are so many good treatments these days, there are alot of survivors that have been here for years.Dont give up hope, Your mom is lucky to have such a loving and supportive daughter. There are a lot of good resources here and if you have any more questions about anything we are here for you.((((((((hugs)))))))))))

angel hugs debbie

RobinTatas

Dear Vixen -  My daughter is 22 and away at school.  We drove down there last weekend to give her the news about my breast cancer.  No matter how gently the news is broken, it seems almost too much to bear.  She's taking it very hard.  I don't know your situation, but it sounds like you and your mother are close.  My daughter and I are very close, so I told her that I need her to be tough - even if she has to fake it sometimes.  She seems to be settling down over the past couple of days.  She's kicking into "action" mode.  I think she can handle it better if she's DOING something - taking some sort of control.  So she's filtering through info and suggesting questions to ask the doctors.  I'm glad for her help.  You probably can't change the outcome, but you can influence it with positive action and thoughts.  I can't imagine what you're going through.  But as a mother, I can say that I'm counting on my daughter to provide support for me now, because I'm probably not going to have the strength to be a crutch.  I'll be thinking about you.  Peace be with you.  

thegoodfight

Dear Vixen,

I have three grown, young adult children who were 31, 29 and 28 when I was diagnosed a year ago.  Here is what happened...............for the first time as a mother I did not have the strength to "protect" my children and told them everything as the situation unfolded.  I was a afraid, and I needed them to hold me up.  They more than rose to the occasion and even though they live far away (I am in Florida and they are in Manhatten and Philadelphia) they were emotionally by my side.  Be there for your mother as you apparently are.  She needs you this time, and I think while helping her you will be helping yourself by feeling that you are such an important piece to the puzzle, and you are!  I couldn't help myself, I needed to lean on my husband and my children, but they were all up for the task and it has strengthened our love even more.  Together you will get through this.  There are brighter days to come.......................

Caren

paweed

I know it is tough on you being away.  Two of my kids were away at school last year while I was going through treatments.  I knew it was tough on them being away and I missed them but it really helped that they called, came home when they could , sent a text message and just kept up with what was happening in my life.  Try to remember that everyone and every case of breast cancer is different.  I am sure that it was difficult on your Mom to have her cousin die.  My only advice is talk to her and don't be aftaid to talk about anything.  sometimes I only wanted to be listened to, to acknowledge my fears and to reel me back in when I was going over the edge.  For the most part my kids did that so I am sure you will too.

big huggs to you