Think it is time to take or break or stop

Anonymous

     I have pretty much made up my mind to do this, but wanted to know if any of you have made the decision to stop a certain treatment and what the results were.  I have been doing avastin/abraxane for almost 6 months now....did the avastin long before, but added Abraxane in Feb.  I have completed 22 treatments and this is something my onco has talked about doing "long term" and planned on doing scans after 24.  Well, I have decided I do not want any more of the abraxane.  I know I am spoiled because I was treated strictly with AIs and zometa since being diagnosed Stage lV and really had minimal SEs if any with good results.  I then went to oral chemo and avastin and the SE with that was the Avastin causing the nose bleeds, congestion and blood mucous which of course I complained about.  Then with Abraxane I griped about loss of taste which I found to be worse than hair loss. Then it was t tearing eyes and my nails coming off and getting infected. One thing I discovered was that each new SE was a little worse and that made the previous one not such a big deal.  I honestly do not care that I have no hair on my head and am down to about 10 hairs on each brow and have gotten used to blowing blood and having my food taste like crap.  Diuretics are keeping my swelling under control. The nails are still an issue and antibiotics have not done much good, but I have found once the nail is gone, the nail bed dries up and the infection in that nail is gone. I am seeing an opthamologist next week to see if he can open my tear ducts back up so that will take care of the tearing eyes.  BUT it is the neuropathy that is the worst and it scares the crap out of me when I speak to people and read posts from women on here that this SE did not go away on after treatments were over.  My feet are now numb all the way back to my heels.....I can feel my toes when I wiggle them in bed at night, but they feel like they have something inbetween them and are asleep.....my foot does still bend heel/toe, but I must concentrate on doing it.  I have fallen twice.  My hands are not as bad, but just this week have gotten worse every day....lst it was my thumb, then index finger....now I have a thumb numb on both hands, two fingers on my left hand and all numb on my right.  Its not just a numb feeling, but aches like arthritis.  I am still able to type as you can cee, but cannot pick things up easily, fingers sens if I use them to push anything so it is difficult to do things that involove pushing, and the hand aches like arthritis.  I do not want to risk this going any further since everything I do involves my hands.  I have already told both of my bosses that I am going to be guitting work...resisted this as long as possible and did not sign up for SS even though they told me I was approved at the interview.....I just did not want to give in. .  I may be panicing and am going to discuss this with the onco Wed. before my scheduled treatment, but I am 95% sure I want NO more of this.  Quality has always been much more important to me that quantity and that is why we went the hormonal route to begin with, but I honestly do not think I can deal with any more of this particular drug.  The nurses all tell me it is such a "good" treatment and I know many of you have had great results with it, but I for the first time feel that cancer has really taken control of my life and this treatment has forced me to quit my job which has really been my own therapy and kept me going.  Stopping may not be the right decision, but I feel it is right for me.  I have read that many side effects show up a month or so later so this recent numbness may be from last month's treatment in which case I may end up with no use of my hands or feet at all.   I just pray that it is reversible when the treatment stops.   I know so many of you have been through so much more than I have and want you all to know I admire your strength and courage and your posts have been a great deal of help to me.   Marybe