a new victim of cancer

Ter

Hi,

I just got an email from one of my good friends daughter, whos mother I use to  work with until I got sick.  She was like a mom to me, and then she retired a few years back, then remarried her X, as they are a very close large family.  Last year her husband had a fatal heart attack, and she after retirement ended up with rheumatice.   Well I called ASAP and spoke w/her daughter, as they just found one month ago cancer in her lungs, and with such a shourt time and they tried to do chemo, and it wouldnt work as her liver was (filled or something) I dont understand.

I just wanted to let you know, and ask if you would put Marian on your "list" and thoughts...

This #$!!!@ disease makes me want to puke.

As of me, well i ended up in ER yesterday thought I broke my foot, but no, a bad sprain...Im at my witz end with something crappy happening daily.

My mom had her 84th Bday on the 7th, she enjoyed herself, but she is nothing like she was after her 1st stroke, these 2 strokes really did her in, and Im the horrible daughter who cant see her daily like id love to..plus i was there on her Bday, and she didnt even know who i was til i got real close, as if you come up to her on her L side she cant see, as she went blind due to stroke.

All this going on and then w/my friend, and tomorrow i go to dentist as my teeth what ever i have left i am going to dentist, a special one who works on very hard to do teeth, as i have not been able to eat as on the lowers there are barely any and the top is a denture due to pain meds, and they had dto yank them out , this was about 4 months prior to me finally being diag w/BC.

My life sucks, and I would love not to be around anymore, yet I made a promiise to mom I would be here for her, and I never make promises unless i know i will keep them, so i never make promises, except this one.....life is really getting to me.

Where do I look or does anyone know about what to look for in your body when mets start traveling?  I really would love to know.

thanks for letting me let this out and ask such a big favor for my friend Marian.

hugs

Ter

hollyann

(((((((Ter))))))...So sorry you are having such a hard time, sweetie....... I will say a special prayer for Marian..........You know you are very much wanted and needed here on these boards....You really help alot of women, myself included......Will you PM me your addy so I can send cards to you?.....I can tell you really need more encouragement..........I have no idea what to look for when mets travel....Or even when they occur......I have often wondered this myself but have been afraid to ask......Please don't give up, Ter.......Everyone here who knows you would miss you terribly.......

Crystalady

Ter,

You sound really down.

Have you considered anti-depressants. Some women say they are life savers.

Sorry to hear about Marian, and I know what it's like when you wish you could do more for your Mum when it's really hard to cope on a daily basis.

I hope you have other rellies or friends you can talk to.

Sandra

Ter

Thankas you guys, just wanted to let you know my good friend, she was like my mom, passed away this morning.  Damn this disease.

Ter

Crystalady

Ter, I'm really sorry to here that.Hopefully she is at peace now.

Take care of yourself,

Hugs

Sandra

hollyann

Gentle hugs Ter...So sorry to hear of your friend's passing..........May she rest in peace........

heatherpalmerton

Ter, I am so sory to hear the loss of your dear friend. You are in my thoughts and prayers Heather

Ter

Thanks you guys for your kindness about my friend, it just isn't fair for ANYof us.

During these past few months i have been thru hell and back, and i just wanted to blab it to you of my thoughts of how i am feeling right now, as I have been so down, depressed, wishing i wouldnt wake up in the mornings, anything and everything bad....I see my family getting smaller and basically i live by my self, except when my son comes in and he has enough issues which I cant even help him...ok here goes

Have any of you daily or periodically thught "is today my day to die?"Or when you were diag with BC, how many of you first thought was "Im going to die?"" like my friend, she had it all, no not materalistically or stuff like that, but a family that she made sure stayed close.  she was a tiny gal, looked young as she was in her 70s, she was married 40 some years, divorced, then almost 15 years later they remarried about 4 yrs ago, then he passed awat  last year, but she made her kids grandkids obey, stick together from soccar games, funerals, Sunday dinners...shed never by new faNCY things, and w/out asking ALL the family was there to  help in yard, lay brick on this hud home she purchased while divorced, a hard worker at work, you know you have you workers then you have the ones you have to pick up slack on...thats where we met, its things like that that matter, not how much you have,  or make, plus she didnt have a chance to fight, as she wasnt feeling well, saw her doc, he put her in hosp 2 weeks, then said she wanted to go home to die, that was after test  and was told she had a very short time to live, then not even 2 wks later shes gone.

Im sorry for venting, but damn, here i am with mets to my hip, problems up the you know what, but my cousin she is trying to take me by the hand and get me to at least to feel good about my self , during this 'SLEEPING OF MY CANCER OR REMISSION' WHO KNOWS ANY MORE, as I seem to have a few doctors who wont get involved w/their patieint, or stear them the right way, but my cousin who also who has fibro and other muscle etc like me too, told me as a few dr said that i needed to get my teeth worked on...as methadone which i was put on for pain long ago ate my pearly whites into crubled crap..so this past week i started with a new dentist , one my reg dentist reffered me to, he said he handles very bad cases of teeth/gums etc....and i hate dentists...any way she took me and yes i was scarred but he made up a plan as I use to have a beautiful smilie and had lots to smile about, and alwalys had compliments on them, yes i am bragging, but now I dont even go out due to them, as one in front broke out, and lefft about 1/8th of a tooth left "in front", AND my denture due to the methadone made me get a total denture on the whole top...finding out my whole lower part is infected, and that is why every day I come doown with something else, so I am starting first w/my teeth...then my cousin suggested me going thru physical therapy in water, i even went there and now just need an appt, she said it has helped her tremendously, well it cant hurt...can you see me in a bathibng suit w/NO  boobs LOL, she said just if my bone could feel a bit better and i would smile it would give me a new out look, as i have been such a pesimist...the dentist even used this thing that glow blue lite in my mouth and he was searching for signs of cancer, he said he didnt.  Now all i have to do is set up an appt, and see an oral surgeion to remove the remainder of these use to be teeth, as he said what i have left, are not even considered teeth, and this is why i lost so much weight, as i cant eat nor chew...Im gonna try you guys, please help me along this path, and yea still the path of this BC.

Yea I may be "single" again, and its all up to me, as i have no one that will help except my cousin, who is not in good shape either, yet she understands where i am at, and I dont have to walk on egg shells when were together, she's trying to give me hope, as i have had none, but Im trying just to survive.  As even eating, no appetite, or no real teeth to chew, so mybody is not getting good nutrition, and thats why i have gotten so skinny.  Yes Im pouring my guts out but im so tired of being tired, yea im going to stay this way til i get the medical and dental attention i need, and yea i'll still have cancer, but hopefully I might be in a better mood about things. 

Plus sounds silly as i had no reconstruction, and just had my 56th Bday, and think who in the heck would want to have a relationship with a flat chick?  frank would, but that cannot be any longer, and i just cant go into any of that here on line.  As I am now looking after ME, as maybe i am important, I dont know, but I dont want to die unhappy...to die is one thing, b ut to die with all the issues , medical and emotional are one thing, but to die unhappy would be very bad...thats how come LONG AGO I wrote in here somewhere about that book called:  Dying Well, by Ira Byock MD.  I would love all of you who havent read to get it and read it, its excellent, not even if your not dying.

Sorry if i bored you but i wanted to let you know Im gonna try harder than ever, as what ever time i have left i WANT it to be at least one that i can be happy about.

thanks for listening.

lots of hugs

Ter

Jaybird627

Yes, Ter, you ARE important! Gentle hugs being sent.....

Janis & Avery

hollyann

Gentle hugs Ter.....You matter more than you know........Without you this site would be one less and we can't have one less.......You bring a lot to all of us here.......You have encouraged me more times than I know........I am glad to see you are starting to come out of your shell.......You always have been special to me and I thank you for all you have shown me.......

victoriasecret

Terri please do not give up I am a newly diagnosed pre surgery scared out of my ever loving mind and I need survivors to get me through this ..

much love Cheryl