Do you Feel My Emptiness?

dianadarling1

My mother has been dead for twenty years, actually 21 years in August, and I still miss her sooo very much. The thought of her makes my heart ache. I feel incomplete because I don't remember her and I mean absolutely nothing about her because I was so young. I don't know how she looks because my dad did't have pictures of her around the house becasue it was too painful to see her face all over. Then my dad died when I was eight he took all the memories of my mother with him. I was wondering if anyone can relate to the void I feel becasue I yearn for my mother who I know was here long ago but I can't  remember. In a desparate attempt to have some peice of my mother or a sign she was here, I had her obituary sent to me on my 23rd birthday. I know it may seem odd but it shows her name and what she did and I really needed to see something telling me "DINA(my mom's name) DID LIVE ONCE". I guess only those who lost thier mother at a very young age can understand becasue they would not remember having a mother either and if they do it is vague. Little things remind me that I don't have a mom eversince I can remember, and then I spiral back to sadness. I would love to hear from anyone and everyone who has the same feelings or anything near how I feel

cindoe

I am so sorry for your losses, even though you can't remember her your heart remembers her, she is with you. I can't imagine what you are feeling, but just know you are part of her, and she is with you every step of the way.

Cyn

Mazy1959

Diana,

I am so sorry for your loss. Who raised you after your dad died? Was that person loving to you? Have you had no contact with your mother's family at all? Maybe you could call them..Hugs, Mazy

dianadarling1

Thank You so much Cindoe, I do feel that she is with me every move I make, and I hope that she smiles down on me and gives me comfort when I am sad. Thank you again for your heart filled response

dianadarling1

After my father died I was raised by my uncle who was not there very much, but I guess it is better than being raised in a lonely foster home where I could have been separated from my brother and sisters. My mother and father are both Caribbean born so it is harder to find family members. I don't know one member of my mother's family which makes me feel even more distant from her. I wish I could find them but I have tried and it seems impossible with me being in America and them in the Dominican Republic. I would love to know someone who could show me pictures of my mother. they never had contact with my siblings and I because my mother moved to America alone and soon after she met my father. I hope one day with a private investigator I can pay for that I will find something, anything to do with her. Thank you for the response.

Lifestooshort

Have you read Motherless Daughtersby Hope Edelman?  It is a wonderful book.  If you go to her website, there are support groups for Motherless daughters as well.  Feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat.  I too am a motherless daughter since I was 7.

dianadarling1

Thank you Lifestooshort for the reference, I will look into that and also I really think I can relate to motherless daughters like yourself, I hope that you have a wonderful summer in spite of everything

Mazy1959

dian,

 There r websites for people looking for eachother etc. I wish you well with your search. You really need someone you are related to..to give you a hug and welcome you to the family. Hugs, MaZY

hollyann

Oh Diana...I relate so well with you.....I lost my mother when  I was 8 to bc........my dad died when I was still an infant so I went to live with virtual strangers.....I stayed with my oldest sister who I didn't even know existed until my mom got sick........Unfortunately she and her husband were not very kind ot me or my other sister who was 13 at the time........My mother died in 1972.......37 years ago.,....It sometimes seeme like just yesterday.......Do you know any of your other family?......Maybe you can find them...I was fortunate that I had other siblings I could talk to but seldom saw them as the oldest sister didn't want me and my sister to see them (we were the youngest)........Makes me sad just thinking of it all...I wish you well, Diana.......

dianadarling1

Thanks so much hollyann. I have an older brother who I am very close to but no female role models or close female friends. My previous reply above your post explains my family situation so yes I have other family but only my brother really cares and loves me. He has a family of his own with 4 kids and a wife and I love that. I wish you well also, God Bless......

Mazy1959

Holly,

I just wanna give you a great big hug. I dont know how you ended up such a nice person..but you did and I know your Mom is proud of you. God luv you...Mazy