Depressed and confused

taraleec

I'm 39.  I was dx with LCIS, ADH, ALH, radial scar(complex sclerosing lesion), sclerosing adenosis, columnar cell change and apocrine metaplasia, after 5cm Left Lumpectomy 3/08. Which I discovered the lump myself.  My mammo, nor ultrasound detected it. My ONC says LCIS is cancer, at it's earliest stage. She recommended radiation for me last year.  Since the radiation, I've discovered 2 separate lumps in my opposite (right) breast & 2 more lumpectomies, one in 10/08, which they also dx columnar cell change and apocrine metaplasia.The most recent lumpectomy 3/09.  Again my mammo, ultrasound, nor MRI detected either of these lumps, one 3cm, the other 2cm.This constant monitoring is making me frantic. My doctors also say LCIS normally doesn't show up on these tests/images.  Now my ONC, GYN and surgeon are recommending mastectomy for me. They all say it (LCIS) or something worse will show up in my right breast as well. One surgeon told me I'm playing Russian Roulette, and that he doesn't even see one case of LCIS per year.  I'm very scared and believe that I should have mast.  But have many other stressful issues currently that are clouding my thinking. I haven't been feeling well generally, I sort of have an all over pain/sore feeling in all of my muscles, at times it hurts just to get out of bed or walk stairs or fold laundry. (I know it sounds like I just feel sorry for myself). I also very possibly have endometriosis (and have had several surgeries for Severe Cervical Dysplasia, my grandmother had uterine cancer, one grandfather-lung cancer, and the other bone cancer. My other Grandmother passed before the age of 40, so we don't know her breast history.  And I have financial issues, (most do these days), and Custody hearings coming up(my son is 3). And I lost my job Friday.  I'm very down and depressed, scared and confused.  But the main thing is, Is this cancer going to get worse?  Good luck to everyone.  Just wanted to vent. Thank you.

flash

Hugs to you.  No one has a crystal ball (although I wish they did.)  You are dealing with a lot to think about.  If you are feeling depressed and confused (a very typical reaction) I would  suggest that you let your doctor know or consult with a professional in the mental health field.  You don't want to be making a decision that is so life affecting when you are not thinking clearly.  This is the exact sort of instance where a support system or professional can make all the difference in the world. I was lucky, I had a doctor who pointed it out to me and it made all the difference in the world for then making decisions I had to make. For me, using chemical intervention while I was making the decisions was critical. Everyone is different, so you need to do what is right for you.

 I hope all goes better for you and you feel better about the decisions you have to make. It is never easy but it does get easier. Good luck.

lynnea

Hi Taralee- It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, and no wonder you're confused. I don't think you are feeling sorry for youself. That's a lot of stuff going on. First off the generalized muscle pain could be from depression, fibromyagia or arthritis. It would probably be a good idea to see your family dr to talk about this and maybe rule out somthing like rheumatoid arthritis or other autoimmune problems that cause pain and fatigue. A few simple blood tests could do that.

Secondly I would address the financial issues because that's probably the "backbone" for anything else you may want to do medically (ie mastectomy) and with your custody issues.

And last but not least, the breast issue. Since you've had the lumpectomy and are in a holding pattern for 6 mos, I'd put that on a back burner for now. It will be there when you feel stronger to deal with all this stuff. If your family doc can't find anything "medically" wrong to explain the fatigue and pain symptoms, then maybe you could try a trial dose of antidepressant to see if it helps. Lord knows you've got plenty to be depressed about!

When I feel overwhealmed I try to break things down into managable bites so that I can accomplish something, otherwise if I look at the big picture I get so overwhealmed I'm just paralized. Gee I hope some of these ideas help. Maybe just talking about it will help a little, but don't feel guilty-you DO have a lot going on.    <<<HUGS>>>   Lynne