i hate this waiting game!!

mmdar

hey all! i'm melissa, and i'm about to turn 20 in august. i'm really glad i found this forum tonight because i've been feeling really helpless about my situation. i guess i don't really belong in this section because i haven't been diagnosed, but it's so hard to figure out where i stand anywhere.

so about two years ago, i had a kidney transplant, and a little while after, i noticed a lump in my left breast, but my docs all brushed it off because i was just 17 at the time. my mom decided finally to take me to a breast surgeon in March of this year and she did a FNA on the spot. later that week, my doc called and said it was mostly benign but slightly abnormal and suggested a followup ultrasound. the ultrasound discovered another, smaller lump in the right and then a core biopsy was ordered on that one.

i was told both lumps would need to be removed in surgery and i'm going next week for pre-surgical testing and i'll finally know the date! my mind just keeps wandering like, why do my doctors keep telling me it's most likely nothing to worry about? if that was the case, then why do they need to be taken out?

 i just hate that i feel like i can't relate to anyone, or rather, that no one can relate to me. and can't really talk to anyone about it, even my mom. i wanted to show her from the core biopsy the little scar that was left and she didn't wanna hear anything about it. even though my docs have said not to worry about it, because of all the waiting and everything, i couldn't help it. i had to withdraw from classes because i lost interest and was too distracted thinking what could happen next. i didnt even wanna explain it to my teachers or any of my friends, and i still haven't.

 i am just trying to find a way to deal with all this.  i'm so scared and feel kinda betrayed by my body and don't even know how i should feel about my body right now or how i will feel once it's all cut up. i feel like a frankenstein already!