How to say goodbye?

Cerridwen

First time I wrote n this forum I was just diagnosed I guess, that was about 4 years ago, though the cancer wasn't that advanced all seemed to be under control but it wasn't years later I relapsed and cancer spread to my armpits and lung. Doctors gave up on me, chemotherapy wasn't an option anymore and I was declared terminally ill. That was about a year ago when they told me I just had a couple of weeks I guess I've been always stubborn & I always do everything to my way.

Friends & Family started believing that it is a miracle and I won't die (not yet) in fact my body wraped the tumors. But lately I've been feeling bad I'm getting weaker my body aches so bad that here is not painkiller that can help me, I've developed lymphedema that is extremely painful too, I feel that unavoidable is near. I don't know how to tell my family and friends that there was not miracle that I'm going to die.

I don't want to make them sad 

I'm ok and not afraid but sometimes I wonder how I got breast cancer I was just 18 y.o when diagnosed that is something that a girl of that age does not have to deal with. 

I just regret that I did have time to find someone who loved me, I couldn't finish college & I will never know Romania. 

Fitztwins

I am so sorry that you are so young to face this in your life. I believe that you will have another chance to experience those things in life you crave. It may not be this lifetime, but another.

Write them letters to tell them your feelings.

Hang in.  No regrets. Live for today.

Janis

makingway

I'm sorry you are experiencing such difficulties. I'm sad for you... I send you strength and peace. I met a young girl from Mexico at a breast cancer group. She told us about her experiences at a very well known and respected hospital there. It was not good. She is now here in the US getting treatment and doing much better. Can you find somewhere else to go? I know a doctor who is very caring in Tijuana. He treats cancer patients. I haven't been yet, but I am planning on going to see him. They can use medicines there, that they can't here because of our FDA-Federal Drug Administration.

dreamwriter

I too have regrets.  I did not finish college or university.  Then I took these courses through work.  Ten made a kind of graduation.  I had completed nine.  After diagnoses I tried so hard to complete the last course.  I failed the first exam within 10 marks out of 200.  I failed the second exam even worse.  Now I cant finish it at all.  I do regret the graduations I missed.  But now my daughter is following - she is in college now....

We all have regrets.  I dont think anyone feels that their life is complete but not over.  Until it almost is.

I wish that out of all your regrets, you complete the last one.  You can study up on it.  You could visit Romania.  All I know is that the finest gymnast was Nadia Comanichi.  She was perfect.  But her life wasnt. 

Angel10

Dearest Cerridwen....

How kind of you to worry about how to tell others so they are not sad....you must be an extremely sensitive person and it sounds like you have fought a valiant fight....Bless You!  Obviously there are people who do love you, so I suppose you are thinking that you missed the "romantic" part of love....I can understand that, when love is new and fresh it can be grand....but I can also tell you it is not always so, it takes an awful lot of work to sustain and it sounds like you needed that strength to fight for yourself.  You will one day feel so loved that you will never ever miss "romantic" love again....The love you will feel will supercede any expectation you ever had of romantic love.  This is something that I absolutely know with no uncertain doubt!  It will be wonderful!

Regarding telling your friends and family about how you feel, I would think that that is something you should share....I think if you reverse roles wouldn't you want to know that if it were your friend, sister, daughter, etc.?  Perhaps you could share your thoughts with just one friend or family member and see how it goes....you need someone to share your feelings with...choose the right person, and maybe even ask them to help you tell others if you think that would be helpful to you.  And they might sense it too, but not want to upset you by asking, so this might frree everyone up to speak openly and freely at this time.

I worry that you feel this way and are not sharing it with anyone.  It may be hard for your loved ones to hear it, but you need their support and strength at this time. Janis comment about writing them might be an option too if you feel that that would work for you.

And don't give up fighting anyway!   Miracles do happen, and you may be going through a set back and may bounce back and feel better soon! But find someone to share your thoughts with.  The spoken and or written  word can help you sort out your own feelings....thoughts that stay only  in your head can sometimes bring undue worry about feelings, other peoples thoughts, etc. Please find someone to share them with ....

And let us know how you are doing.... sending you love and prayers,

Angel10

luvtotravel

I read your post with great sadness but also with great admiration for the beautiful young woman that you are.  In all your pain, you are more concerned about others than yourself.  Don't have regrets in life.  God has our life planned out fully and his love will overwhelm any human love that you could experience.  Keep the faith. Miracles do happen and you deserve one.  Love, prayers and good wishes to you on this day.

Bitsy

What a treasure you are.

My Mom also has breast cancer & was told there is nothing else that can be done.

If I may make a suggestion about the good-byes, IF it comes to that. You are a definite fighter!!

We have a video camera & my Mom had the same fears. We bought new discs & brought the camera by her.

She is videoing herself with all her thoughts, hopes , dreams & prayers she has for everyone she loves. Each will get their own tape, something special to watch over & over, words said straight from the heart to each loved one. What a wonderful gift that can be viewed forever..

God Bless you, Stay positive.

 I don't know you, but have intense love for your warm heart & soul. Miracles happen& we are here to pray that happens...

spar2

Your post made me so sad for you, such a young age.  You are very sensitive and if you feel the end is near make sure you say to all your family how much you care and let them know.  If it were one of my children I would want to know.  Do what makes you happy and try to get some more pain meds so you don't suffer.  God bless you and keep you.  Miracles really do happen and you already are one and only God knows you may continue to be one.  hugs.

celtic

Cerridwen; I wanted to check on you, havn't seen you post in awhile... please let us know. I am hoping that you talked with your family and that you have their love and support... you always have ours.

pee

Tears are streaming down my face Cerridwen.  I have no idea if you are still with us or not.  I hope you were able to get your issues resolved.  Where ever you are, I hope to someday meet you and give you the big hug I have inside of me for you.  I would gladly have taken your cancer on with mine.  You are too young to have this wretched disease and I have lived a good life.  Twice he cancer still would mean death from cancer so what would it hurt if I could have had yours also.