Feeling helpless, useless and horrible!

Helpless

Feeling helpless, useless and horrible!

Helpless

Hi

I'm a husband of a wonderful lady who has BC.  I'm not the most out going or sharing with my feelings but it's been over a year now since she was diagnosed and had the surgery and I find it getting more difficult.It obviously doesn't help that I work away from home.  She is an unbelievably strong person and always seems to see the best out of situations.  Initially when we were married I felt that it was better that I was away working as she is also hugely independant and I didn't fit into certain of her plans.  I suppose I felt that as long as I was able to support financially and materially it was ok as that is what I thought she required - now things have changed and other support is required but I don't know how to go about it - it's also important that bills are paid.  This whole situation has left me feeling totally inadequate, helpless, useless and a terrible person.  Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.  Sorry for the rather hashed message but it's mye first 'public' post so has ended up totally unstructured.

Thanks for 'listening!'

Cris30

Hi, my name is Cris, firstly the dark is a lonley place and there are people here with lights and beacons. Like you my wife has been dx with BC. it is truly horried. All we can do is be there for our wifes and family. there is no easy answer and its a realy harsh learning curve to deal with.

I have found that just holding my kerry and telling her i love her no matter what is just enought to take the edge off the pains, and worries she is feeling. Like you I work and finding time is hard, its a bit of a juggling act but when time does come free, my word do i take full advantage of it, just waking her out of the house weather its for a meal or just a ride out in the car...it all help.

 The only thing that i can realy tell you is its a long road and bumpy. But it a road that should not be travelled alone.

Keep in touch if you like.

nancypat

Hi helpless,

The fact that you are posting here shows how much you care for your wife.  Let her be your guide as to what she needs.  I am wishing both of you the best.

Nancy

barbinar

Having to be away from home a lot certainly presents unique challenges for you and your wife at the best of times...not to mention during cuises like this one.

My thought would be that if I was in her shoes I would want to hear from you EVERY DAY in one way or another, by phone, email, whatever.  Even if it was just a note to let me know you were thinking of me.

Also, I would want someone who lived near-by (such as a family member or close friend) who I could call on at the drop of a hat any time of day or night for those leaky pipes, lost cats, or whatever comes up that I just didn't feel like messing with by myself.  

And then when my hubby could be home I would want to KNOW that he was available to me FIRST.  You might miss a few beers with the guys and maybe some cool fighing trips, but hey this is crisis mode, remember?  

This is just my take on what it might be like to be in your wife's shoes.  Truth is, my hubby was in residence when I was in treatment but actually no more available than if he had been on another continent...so, maybe that's why I am so opinionated on the subject. 

God bless you both.