Anyone Have to Put Their Dog Down

nancyu

I'm back.  My 2nd anniversary was 4/26.  Nobody remembered.  At 7:52 pm tonight, was the 2n anniversary of the call from my surgeon.  I've had a few surgeries, a few ER visits, and 2 short stints in the psych ward since I was on board.  Severe clinical depression.  I get suicidal about the dog.

Alex has been fostered out for six months now to several families and too far for me to get to.  I do not have transportation.  My mom's landlady won't let him on the property.  Mom has a dog.  I did spend his 10th birthday with him last month.

I stayed in treatment, unable to work until my alimony ran out. Now, I am on public assistance - $200 food stamps, $352 overything else.  Need a few things straightened out, then I am done. Left mired in the financial, emotional and physical carnage of cancer.  Stuck at moms - a very unhealthy place to be.

Have problems and limitations.  Can't do what I used to.  The depression intereferes even more. I'm trying to get into a program to be placed.  The highest unemployment rate in NYS is right here.

Alex's time is past up at his current place.  I feel like I gave him away.  I will never do that.

I have run down every avenue I could think of - even Angel Flights for dogs.  I need him to be close if I can find another fostered family.  I've been through everyone I know at this point.

I am wrestling with putting him to sleep, which will absolutely kill me.  Guarenteed trip back to the psych ward.  All my counsellor says is that it is permanent and I will feel worse afterwards. I can't get her into a conversation of the pros and cons.  He's a happy, healthy dog, with some incontinence issues. He gets diapered sometimes.  He is my family, comfort, and only warm body I have to be near.

Has anyone been in this position?  Can anyone give me some comforting thoughts, words, or questions to think about?  I have to decide very soon.

 I'd live in a potting shed to enjoy the peace, the independence and to have my family together. My 2 cats, siblings, are fostered out, too.

everyminute

I pm'd you