Just feeling poopie

Triciaski

Hello, ladies,

This might be my first post in this forum (although I might have posted in the roll call awhile back).

I'm a few months post BC treatment (except for Arimidex), and I'm just now starting to feel kind of mad and resentful about the whole BC thing. There I was, living my life, taking for granted the benefits of my hormone patch (particularly not having hot flashes, but I now know, other things, too), and then, POW, BC hit!

I'm grateful that my surgery and Mammosite radiation went well and that I didn't need chemo, but without my HRT, and even more with the complete hormone depletion of Arimidex, I don't feel like myself anymore, and it's just now hitting me that I probably never will. That HURTS!

I guess I'm just venting here, but life seems to be getting harder post-treatment, than easier. I'm creaky, sweaty, and sometimes even stinky. I don't like living without hormones.

Thanks for listening,
Tricia

nelia48

Hi, Tricia!  I've been going through the same feelings lately, too.  I guess it is the Post Traumatic Stress thingy.  I was such a warrior through all the chemo, surgery, etc.  But I did feel myself going down hill emotionally as I went through radiation.  Maybe it was the Arimidex I started on -- I don't know.  Everyone says to get back to my old life.  Well, I find my old life is pretty much gone.  Life went on without me, or things changed, etc.  I'm feeling like I have to find a whole new life, and I really don't have the energy right now to do that. 

I'm really wondering what to do . . . . even today!

I do know that it will get better.  I watched my sister as she was in this funk for about a year after colon cancer and all the treatments.  It's been three years now, and she is just beginning to feel like a real person again.  She totally understands all this now as she watches me going through it.  So there is hope for us!

I too, ate the sweaty me!!!!!

kjbell

Tricia-I know what you are feeling. I'm sure my birth control pills which I was taking for severe hot flashes had something to do with this whole mess. To this day I miss them! I am on Tamox. now and feel like I am waiting for the signs of "old age" to start showing.

Nelia-I know our lives will never be the same. I think just living with the fear of a recurrence is enough to drive me crazy. But we will proceed foward and hopefully find what we need or what we are looking for.

Karen 

Cheryl60

Oh man, it is so nice to know I'm not the only one who is feeling like this.  I absolutely HATE not having control over my own life anymore.  It is probably PTS but how do we get past all this funk and start living our lives again???  Now that we've had our surgeries, done the rads and/or chemo and now taking the 'crappy' hormone pills (and I do mean Crappy!!!), it just seems like life should go back to normal.  But that'll prob never happen.  Like this morning, I had to go in for my quarterly blood draw and then seeing the oncologist dr. tomorrow, so just when you think you might be getting back on track, whala! the dang BC comes back to haunt you again!  Five years seems soooo long!!!  I am seeking a phycologist to help me learn to deal with the stress and how to cope - let us pray that helps!

I'm generally a very UP person and happy but I find myself thinking about this ALL the time and its invading all aspects of my life!  UGH  I suppose we'll all go thru this until we start passing all the milestones of this journey, but for now it totally sucks!

Glad I've found you all and hopefully we can boost each others spirits!!! WE can do it.

Hugs, Cheryl

ritajean

Oh Tricia, I could have written your post two years ago!  How well I understand!  I had a terrible time dealing with the unknown and the fear and I still get very anxious when the "routine" check-ups roll around.  At times I feel like I'm on hold....just waiting for the next shoe to drop. I have found some relief by doing the things that I once liked to do.  I went back to bowling and golfing!  I think Jo has the right idea.  Keep yourself busy by doing things that you once enjoyed. I also have found that if I try to do something nice for somebody every day, I don't concentrate so much on myself.  Time does help us heal but I really doubt that we'll ever be quite the same as before bc.  Hugs to you as you discover your "new normal."  Rest assured that you are not alone with this struggle.  I think it's more of a norm than the exception. 

Rita

Maire67

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Triciaski

Thanks to all of you for your empathy, sympathy, and advice.

I go back and forth between telling myself that I've been through (and am still going through) a lot and that it will take awhile to get over it and thinking that I should now be able to put this all behind me and move on. Maybe both are true and we need to do both.

Of course all of us here have been through a lot and many of us are still dealing with the anti-hormone meds -- but, we also need to move on in the best way we can and just not be hard on ourselves as we adjust to the "new normal."

Again, thanks for listening. I'm so glad to have the fellowship of all of you.

Tricia