Just diagnosed with ILC, busy mom and career gal

Kimie4me

Hi,

Anyone out there recently diagnosed with ILC who is a mom and busy career lady? Or, you were a busy career lady? Wondering how much I will be able to work, feel up to the day to day challenges, etc. I really am wondering how I am supposed to function as if everything is okay. I swear I am crying every day for the last 12 days since I was first diagnosed. Is this normal? What's normal?? I am trying to deal with the fact that I will be down for a month from surgery (bi-mast. with expanders), rad, and chemo. What's a gal to do?

sueper13

Kimie4Me,

I was a busy career lady when I was diagnosed, although my kids were grown and out of the house. Everybody is different, but I suggest you peruse the chemo, rads and surgery boards to get an idea of what to expect.  Also, there are lots of tips there to help you be prepared.

The answer is you are not supposed to function as if everything is okay. You are allowed to grieve this however you need to.  This is a horrible, traumatic event in your life and anyone who expects you to function normally is expecting too much.  Be good and kind to yourself.

You will find TONS of support and information on these boards.  You have definitely come to the right place.  I just finished reconstruction, I was diagnosed a year ago March 17, and I literally could not have made it through surgery, chemo and rads wothout the support of the wonderful group I found here.

Hang on, make a treatment plan, try not to worry (I know,easy to say, hard to do) ask your doctor for anti anxiety meds if you think it will help, and just put your head down and put one foot in front of the other until you are finished.

I'm glad you're here, but sorry for the reason.

Sue

Anonymous

Kimie4Me, I can't add any more to the great advice Sue just posted.  These boards are a Godsend when you don't know where else to turn.  They fill in the blanks where your treatment team leaves off!

You are a "busy mom and career gal" which in itself is a great accomplishment.  This is just one more task on your 'to do' list and you will get through it.

ktn

Kimie4Me- I also agree with the posts above but have found everyone handles things differently. I am a RN and thought I'd take time off for surgery and chemo. I ended up being off for 7 months and going back a few weeks after radiation ended. I knew as a nurse I couldn't do pt care and not feel well. I do know of others in other jobs who managed their work schedules around treatments and they kept working. I had a hard time at first taking care of me first but had a friend tell me it was so important to put myself first to fight this disease. You will be doing all that I did this past year. I had 2 tumors so a bilateral mast was necessary but I probably would have done it anyway. My pathology report showed some early stuff that testing hadn't even shown. I had ACT chemo every 2 weeks which is rather aggressive. Some treatments are every 3 weeks and people have a little easier time working. I was tired but fortunately didn't have too may effects from treatment...that's where taking care of myself seemed to help! Best of luck- Kathy

nash

When I was diagnosed, I had a 5 year old, an 8 year old and a Stage IV bc mom who had to be driven to all her chemo and scans and who died while I was still in treatment. Plus I work from home doing accounting work for various clients. I did lumpectomy, chemo, rads, am now on Tamoxifen and Zometa.

The reality is that there will be some days that you will just have to take it easy. I had chemo CAFx6, so my worst days were days 3 and 4 of the cycle. I had chemo on Thursdays and was pretty much useless on Sat/Sun, but that was OK, b/c my DH was home to take care of everyone, and it was only once every 3 weeks. The rest of the time I was able to function pretty well, although we did hire a cleaning service, as that was just too much to try to keep up on. I'm a competitive adult figure skater, and was even able to skate on the days I felt OK. Also kept up my walking exercise schedule best I could. 

Things will not be normal, but you will get through it b/c you have to. 

I also had ILC--there is a section of the boards just for ILC girls--come on over and check it out.

2frogs1princess

Busy mom/career lady here! When I was diagnosed my boys were 4 1/2 and 16 months. I am a registered nurse who worked a M-F 8-4:30 job. I totally agree with Sue's post. You AREN'T supposed to funtion as if everything is OK because it ISN"T. But, you are going to have to rely on your family and co-workers for support! My place of work was wonderful when I underwent treatment. I actually continued to work through my treatment (I had AC+T, Herceptin, and 33 Rad treatments). It seemed better for me to go to work and feel like crap, than sit at home and feel like crap and let my wondering mind get the best of me. Everyone is different and handles things different. Rest assured, you will find your groove....you know what your body can handle.

Gitane

I'll just add that your immune system will be down if you are getting chemo.  It's probably not a good idea to be around a lot of people when this is the case, as it is just too easy to get sick. You don't want anything to interfere with your chemo if you can prevent it.  Secondly,  if your work is physically or emotionally demanding,  treatment time is not the best time to try to balance work and family.  Even if you are super person, the stress of this diagnosis and its treatments is huge. (don't have to tell you that!)  Be very gentle and caring to yourself.  You have to make the decision to put yourself first now.

Kimie4me

Hi Ladies!

Your words of encouragement are amazing! I will take everything to heart and just expect the unexpected. I am a "planner" and I have to let go of this. The next phase of my life is going to be very interesting. Thanks for listening...

hrf

I just had a second dx of bc.....this one is ILC.....I was a busy career woman, mother, friend, sister, etc. I tried to do more 4 years ago with first dx (IDC) - but this time had BM, am doing chemo followed by rads.....am taking time because nothing is the same anymore. Lots of good advice on these boards. Lots of amazing women.

kyra

hi kimie4me,

sorry you have dx = ILC l to had same situation listen to the girls when your bodys as had enough have a rest but try to keep you mind occupied, be aware if you have chemo my first 3 days l was so active and could not rest then come the 4th day l felt the difference and my body was telling me l could not do what l had done for years never switching off, as l run a business and in the end l just had to pack up as it was all to much for me, everyone is different and it depends on your treatment, l had fec 6 chem and radiation after mastectomy, l wish yo all the best and stay with the group it   is better than the family keep listening to it, let your hair down and say or ask anything, l found this group my life saver,

Texas357

My best advice: don't ignore the offers of help. I named my supporters "Team Happy Hour" to keep it upbeat -- and they've been a Godsend. Not only offering tons of emotional support but also ready with a quick meal for the family when I wasn't feeling up to it, letting out the dogs so that my husband could stay with me at the hospital, etc.

I've managed to continue working full time, and maintain a busy life. Sure, things haven't been normal but with the support of friends and family, and the people on this forum, it's do-able.

Stay strong!

Kimie4me

I am happy to report that my oldest daughter, who is six, is handling mommy's illness with such maturity and grace. I answered all her questions with a matter of factness:

"Mommy, will they cut your breast off with scissors?" My reply, "I think they will use a small, delicate knife and carefully take away the owee."

She saw my JP drains, all three..."Mommy, I don't like those. Do they hurt?"

My reply, "Actually, they are helping mommy get well and they don't hurt one bit!"

I was amazed how well prepped she was. She was so gentle and she even said, "Mommy, do you know why I let you sit at the end of the counter? It's cuz that'll be easier for you to sit on your stool or get off your stool." (I generally sit in the middle between my two girls.) Wow! I am blown away.

 There's a great book I got from Kaiser Permanente called, "My Mommy Had a Mastectomy".