keeping it real

stacey2930

I had breast cancer in 2005 and it changed me. I can not tolerate phony people anymore. I just realized my stepdaughter never really liked me. I tried and tried for 4 years to have a relationshiop with her ( she's 31) I would buy her gifts, organize trips with her family, pick out jewerly at christmas for my husband to give her the list goes on and on.I would not flaunt jewerly my husband bought me in front of her or bring attention to our relationship. She and my husband were estranged for years after he divorced her mother. I thought I could have a  relationship with her. Her mother is a very manipulative controlling woman.  She tolerates me because of her dad.  Her true feelings were revealed a few weeks ago when my husbands mother was dying in the hospital. His daughter made a comment to my husband in front of a nurse calling me a "trophy wife" I am 46 years old and only 8 years younger than her mom.

It felt like she slapped me across the face. The rose colored glasses fell off and I finally saw what was the evident all along. I just refused to see it. My husband feels torn but I dont want to be around her knowing how she really feels about me. thanks for letting me vent. Hugs

lexislove

I'm sorry about your step daughter hurting you. Her comment was out of line. I'm 31 as well and at this age we should be happy if our parents are happy. I know how devastating it is to seek approval from someone and to have them verbally backhand you.

I'm an emotional person to begin with, but even though I can forgive these people so I can move forward, I can never forgert. That being said, her being 31 I assume she has her own family ect so she is not living with you. I would talk to your husband about it and explaine to him that you need to have a hiatus from her for a bit. I hope he can understand...her comment most likely offended him too.

The whole cancer thing has made me re think ALL of my relationships..and the first thing I did was realize the "toxic" people that I had let in my life. I got rid of them. I will not tolerate mean, hurtful,insecure or manipulative people no more. I am definatly a stronger person now than I was b4 BC.

Hugs..Keep us posted.

NoH8

Life is too short to spend a lot of energy on  negative people. That was one of the positive gifts from the cancer experience. I can understand you not wanting to be around her, although I also think that sometimes we have to make sacrifices when it comes to family and people we love. If you can get to the point where you stop caring about her opinion and trying to get in her good graces, you might be able to reach a place where you can tolerate her (though not any mean behavior) surrounding holidays and other occasions important to your husband. He shouldn't have to risk his relationship with his daughter, who I'm sure has her own version of things. I'm sure she's had a hard time feeling torn between her parents, although of course that doesn't excuse mean behavior. Maybe if you encourage father/daughter activities, like getting  them tickets to do something together for father's day, you can support their relationship without having to do spend time with  her.

stacey2930

Thanks for taking the time to write. Well the explosion finally happened this morning. I feel better. I told her how I feel of course I was crying but to make a long story short. I cut through the bullshit, the facade. I refuse to be a phony. Of course the type person she is she said I couldnt see her child anymore. The grandbaby bonded to me and I bonded to her. It's sad that children are used to get back at people.So to fill the void I am going to buy an African Grey! they have the vocabulary of a 5 year old. They are loving, and loyal which is more than I can say about most people I know:)

spar2

I have not gotten along well with my stepkids and finally quit trying.  I think their mother brainwashed them.  I just accept it for what it is and enjoy my children who show me much love and respect.  I feel sorry for the grandbaby, that who is totally hurt in the end.  Kids need their grandparents.  Kudos for you trying so hard.  Your right about phoney people, I want real people who want a real relationship and really care about me and praise the Lord I have that with several sisters here, my family, husband and church family.  Hope everything gets much better for you, Stacey, you deserve it. gentle hugs.

Sierra

Hello:

that is too bad

but, just from reading your posts

I can see

that you can rise above this

It is unfortunate and hurtful, I realize

My family was broken up

and we had different types of issues

You soon find out who counts in

life and has your best interest at heart

Namaste

Hugs, Sierra