Need suggestions on how best to support a friend

degbi

Hi everyone,

 I had DCIS almost 5 years ago and this site helped me immensely.  I had radiation and pretty much kept my disease to myself.  Only a couple of people knew about it outside of my immediate family.  I did all of the treatments by myself since my husband had to stay at home with his mom who was suffering from dementia and couldn't be left alone.

 Anyway,  I remember how lonely it was and I don't want my friend to be alone in this.  She just had surgery (lumpectormy) a little over a week ago and she was told she has stage 3 cancer.  I don't know the details but some of her lymph nodes were positive.  She will be having chemo and radiation.  She does have an extended family and many friends but I would like to help her also since I have at least gone through some of her experiences.  She is seeing my same oncology and radialogy group who are super.

 I was wondering what you all would suggest I do to best support her.  I didn't have chemo so I don't know what that is like.  Does the infusion take a long time and can friends visit while she is getting her meds.  What do you all think?

 Thanks,  Debi

lisettemac

You are sweet to want to be a good friend to her.  Yes, many of the infusions take a long time.  In fact, my Taxol infusions took upwards of 4-5 hours, with all the pre-meds, etc.  I enjoyed having someone with me, even if it was just for part of the infusion.  I also loaded up with books, trashy mags, letters I needed to write, work, etc.  A portable DVD player is also handy.

The other thing I really needed a friend for was picking out a wig.  My husband was no help there -- I needed a girlfriend.

Just be a friend to her.  You can take your cue from her.  I always appreciated knowing that people were thinking good thoughts for me.

karen1956

A few suggestions for things that I appreciated the most..I don't know if  your friend has kids, but I was so greatful for play dates for my DD who was turning 8 at time of my Dx 3 years ago.  She went home with one of her bff every thursday.  Other people had her to play on Saturdays.  This really helped life be "normal" for her...other things that the family appreciated...the day of chemo and for a week, we had meals, mostly dinners provided for us... this allowed DH to work as well as take care of me.  Cards, letters and emails...I loved them all...in fact I still have every card and email that was sent to me during Tx.  DH went to chemo and doctor appt with me, so I was lucky.  It seems like this is one area your gf may need help with. Just being with your gf...available to talk if she wants or just sit with her. Offer to run errands,. pick things up at the store.  Help with house cleaning, laundry. when I was feeling good, I wanted to do whatever I did before bc, but when I was down and out, help was appreciated.  Friends can go to chemo, but the infusion room may be crowded.  At some point, each of my kids came to chemo...in fact one of the times, I think  3 kids as well as my sons bf were there and they even overlapped the time they were there.  Some company was nice, but often DH just sat with me...know he was there was all I needed.  As the infusion progressed each time, the more I wanted to be left alone to sleep.  Listen to the cues your gf is giving, but also offer to do things, don't wait for her to ask.  You sound like a good friend.

ldh54

My sister was thankful for all the times I could go with her for her infusions.  I did differnt things.  I took lotion and massaged her hands and arms.  I painted her nails (making sure I used things that didn't have strong odors that would bother other patients).  I took my laptop and rented movies we could watch.  We had to use a headset so I used the one that goes with my ipod.  She put one end in her ear, and I used the other in my ear.  This helped time pass.  Sometimes she would nap, and I just sat there and read a book.  Afterwards, I'd take her for a meal or a snack if she was up to it.  This was a time she could talk about whatever was on her mind.  It meant a great deal to her and she appreciated it a lot.  Glad you are willing to find ways to support your friend.

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