**NEW** Starting Chemo March 2009

Janet0527

Diane & Gina - Fantastic pics!!

As for eyebrows, mine are definitely thinning significantly, along with my lashes.  Boo-hoo.  It's weird that being bald has been mostly okay for me, and the eyebrows I can draw in with some powder, but the lashes, wow.  That's really bugging me.  I had nice lashes.  =(

Alyad

This coming weekend is the Race for the Cure in St. Louis- my uncle is walking for me, along with my cousin's wife who lost her mom to bc many years ago. I live about 3 hours away from there, and I was just up there this last weekend for  a family reunion so I will miss it. The two of them did it last year and St. Louis' Race is one of the largest in the country- over 60k people last year when they did it. I don't think I would be up to walking 5k right now anyway- the healing from my TRAM surgery has suffered greatly after the last couple treatments and my stomach is really tight. There is another Race in Kansas City in mid July, (also 3 hours away)-maybe I can do that one.

I realized the other day that my countdown to last treatment is now  measured in days rather than weeks!  10 days! I with everyone else- I am just so so tired of going through this.

sakura73

Nadine I love your new picture. You look beautiful.

Janine - yay that at  least for one treatment you didn't have horrible nausea. Congratulations on finishing.

Gina I too am not a make-up girl. Since going to the Look Good Feel Better I have not used any of the stuff they gave me. I am just not looking in the mirror if I can help it right now. I check to make sure there is no spinach in my teeth, but otherwise I don't like seeing myself. And I still have my eyebrows so I know I am lucky.

 Well done to all who marched or are about to march. 

Here in Melbourne winter has hit - today it is freezing cold and I was very sorry to get out  of bed. But it does mean some good comes of the hot flashes - they warmed me up on the train in to work!

ginagina

Dayla - what's going on with your TRAM?

You know...the race was interesting. LOTS of people. LOTS of pink shirts (survivors). I think you have to be a in a certain *place* to get a lot out of it. It was a bit overwhelming for me. I wasn't ready to wear the survivor shirt. But as it only took us 20 min to drive/park it wasn't hard to do. I think you wait until your ready for the whole experience.

Janet -do you have ANY lashes? Mine are gone...but technically there is still something there. The tiniest, shortest, invisible little things ever. Just long enough so they don't poke me in the eye. But that is it. I dont dare try and put anything on them.

Question for everyone: a friend of mine is being monitored for calcification. She has had cysts, fibroid etc... for years and recently decided to stop eating all dairy (milk, cheese etc...) and they told her that her calcification have "stabilized" and they don't need to see her for another year.  Anyone heard of this?? Either calcification stabilizing OR how dairy (bovine) effects your breast tissue.

Rachel - yep, agree, best policy is not to look in the mirror! The only thing I use from my Look Good Feel Good class is some hand lotion. St Ives. You can find it everywhere here, but I've never bothered to try it. I absolutely love it. Doesn't make my hands feel greasy. 

ccbaby

Janet...My eyebrows are thinning out A LOT and my eyelashes are still hangin in, but thinner too.

Dayla...I am so glad that you have only one more treatment! I will be there on Monday to get my #5 treatment. 

Gina...I have used St Ives lotion for a few years now. i love it too. My fav is the 24 hour moisture.

Luv2sing

I'm loving the pictures!!!  I am so proud  of all of you who were able to participate in the races and I look forward to doing one next year.  This year I'm planning a 'Passionately Pink for the Cure' fundraiser with my administrative professional organization and heading up the breast cancer fundraiser where I work!  I'm definitely excited about that and looking forward to having fun while making a difference.  (I'm starting to feel like a poster child .... LOL!)

jdeking - I'm not feeling so hot lately but I'm dealing with it.  Started my first of 8 Taxol treatments yesterday and my glucose levels are going thru the roof!  Unfortunately I am diabetic and had just gotten past my one year mark of going without meds and now they may have to put me back on a sliding scale.   I'm doing what I can to get it under control, but I know there's only so much I can do without the meds.  The nausea and other stuff is doable ... got my meds to get me thru that as well.

Here's wishing good thoughts to all!!!  I've taken drugs and am heading for bed!   

Alyad

Gina, nothing serious with the TRAM- just really tight. It felt better  6 weeks after surgery (before chemo) than it does now-  its trying to keep healing, it just keeps getting kicked by chemo. So it's just really tight- doesn't really hurt- just uncomfortable- I can' t take large steps- I just kinda putter around slowly. I have some major rebuilding to do.

I still have eyebrows and lashs tho they are both thinned somewhat.

ccbaby- good luck on #5- you'll be done  not too long! I am doing relay for Life in republic fri 18th (day after my last treatment!) whoo-hoo! . A local 4 year survivor I met on FB is going to come too.

ccbaby

Dayla...Are you going to feel ok to do that the next day after your treatment?? I was going to do the survivor lap at the Relay for Life in Branson last Friday night, but i worked late and was too tired to drive down.  Next year, I will definitely go to every one that I can around here.

Janet0527

Wednesday is Taxol #4 for me.  I'm actually starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, though it's still a long tunnel and a dim light at this point.  Still, I'm about to be 1/3 of the way through the Taxol, and I have to say that so far it's way easier than the AC was.  As for lashes and brows, yeah, I do still have some lashes, but they are much thinner than normal - same for eyebrows.  I'm starting to get a little bit weary of being bald, too - had read of some women on AC-T starting to get their hair back during Taxol, but so far none of that for me.  Oh well.  

bwbly

Had last Taxol yesterday. Now I get a week off, then start ACx4 Tuesday after next. Gina, please update me in our Warrior list.

Sun sensitivity has set in. So, lucky me, I get to wear long sleeve shirts, long pants and hats all thru the Texas summer. Summer on the Texas Gulf Coast is hot and humid enough with NO clothes, much less all covered up. Talk about miserable.

Bunny

pickle

Good Morning: Hope everyone is having minimal SE this week.

Lots of people mentioning how they are really getting tired of the chemo train......understandable. It seems like such a long trip.

I'd like to share my experience from the last week (finished chemo June 1st).

I was nervous as usual but I had high hopes of getting it over with. I pictured myself skipping out the door with elation and ready to celebrate. Well it wasn't quite what I expected. I must say that it was my most emotional chemo day. I was teary-eyed through most of it...not because of the treatment itself but I was just a basketcase of emotions. I was hoping to immediately want to go out and celebrate but for some reason I just wanted to go home. Slept for 4 hours and spent most of the week weepy, tired, nauseous and nothing tasted good. I was not in a very good mindset. I realized that I still have surgery and 5 years of Tamoxifen ahead....I wasn't really done. Don't get me wrong, I was grateful as heck to be done the chemo portion but the rest of it hit me.  I think I had set myself up with such big expectations and all my family and friends were congratulating me and saying how great it is to have it all over with. Last week I didn't feel like being congratulated....strange I know, but I guess the stress and emotions of the past months had really caught up with me. The realization of having gone through chemo was surreal.....did this really happen to me......I really did have breast cancer. I felt almost the same as I did when I was diagnosed...in a fog!

Well I had my pity party last week, cried, slept, and didn't feel motivated at all....I think I just needed to let it all out so I decided to allow myself the time to do that and I wasn't going to feel guilty about it either. After months of putting up a brave front for my kids, hubby, family and friends.....I finally let the real emotions flow. I think it was just what I needed because now I finally feel like I have turned the corner and have put chemo behind me.

Finishing chemo is now a wonderful feeling and it has given me a renewed determination to do everything in my power to never have to go through it again.

I am feeling so much better now...still a little fatigued but overall I am mentally back in the swing of things. I am going to pace myself over the next little while to allow my body and blood counts to recover....I told my hubby that I won't go back to work until the fall sometime. I am taking the summer to rejuvinate and do only what I want to do. I am going to refuse to do anything out of obligation....only do what I truly want to do. I am reading a book called "The Art of Extreme Self Care" by Cheryl Richardson and it is giving me the fortitude to spend a little more time on taking care of me. I think that has been  my biggest lesson on this journey. I have always been a people pleaser...taking care of everyone and everything....now it's time for me and I think that will help me to continue to fight this disease.

My tasetbuds were finally better by Sunday so my hubby and I decided it was time to celebrate. We cooked Lobster and bbq'd steak, drank wine and had chocolate for dessert. I had the best sleep I've had in months. The food tasted the best it has in months. Not sure if my tastebuds really recovered that quick or if I just really needed to celebrate .....but whatever it was....it was great!

I now feel stronger than ever and I am amazed at how I pushed through it all. Over the last 5 months everyone continually told me how brave I was being through it all, I would think.....yeah right...if you only knew how I was feeling inside. Now...looking back...I see it....I really was brave.....braver than I ever thought I could be

I know so many of you are getting tired of it all and anxiuos to get it done......everyone has come so far and I want you all to know that even though some of us are finished, we are still here with you every step of the way. Some of you are now counting days and not weeks and some have a little farther to go but believe me...... the elation and sense of accomplishment of being done is now within your grasp. I know some of us may still have rads/surgery/drugs etc but the feeling of being done chemo is incredible. Such a relief! I am sure chemo is the hardest part of treatment both physically and mentally. Hang in there ladies....you're almost there!

I owe so much to everyone on this board for their honesty, encouragement, knowledge and inspiration. Such a wonderful group of Brave Warriors and it has been a privelege to be a part of it all.

It would be nice to get an update on everyone's final chemo dates. Can we start a rollcall?

Wishing you all a wonderful day.

Beth P

nasharayne

My last chemo is June 30th!!! I can't wait.

I had #5 yesterday and I sept most of yesterday and am feeling pretty tired today.  I normally don't start this fatigue until late Thursday or Friday but, I'm glad to be closer to the finish line.

I finally got something good out of chemo yesterday.  I've been working when I can which includes traveling so, I was about 2.5 hours from home yesterday.  I left the site later than expected because of my diliquent co-work so, I was speeding and got stopped by the cops.  When I saw him I wipped of my wig and started acted all frazzled which I was a little. I was clearly at the reckless driving stage for this area (80 in a 55, i know i know....too fast).  I just apologized and said I was trying to get to the Dr. in charlotte and he asked what kind of appointment and I said Chemo (which was true) He just let me go and told me to slow down.  Which I did slightly.

Hope everyone is managing their SEs.

Tanasha

7timewinner

Gina,

When I was around 31 (9 years ago), a mammo revealed calcifications in my breasts. And because I have a history of Hodgkin's Disease with radiation to the chest, the calcifications were monitored carefully with yearly mammos. The pattern of the calcifications, I was told, is what needed to be watched, because when they start to look "clumpy," there's a chance that BC will develop. After that first year, I was told that the patterns were "stable"...in other words, they showed no signs of clumping...and they stayed that way for years.

Fast forward 8 years...my mammo back in July showed nothing different in the patterns, and no signs of tumor at all. December- I found the lump. January was the diagnosis.

My point in sharing this is...yes, your friend's calcifications may be "stable" but PLEASE tell her to stay on top of the mammos AND perhaps try to convince her doc to order a breast MRI as well. Not to scare her, or you, but that is my story. And we all know enough about this disease to never want anyone to suffer through it needlessly, right??

As for the dairy...there are lots of opinions out there about how dairy may/may not contribute to breast cancer. Some say "it's the hormones" and some say "any animal protein is carcinogenic" while others say "it's the fat content." It's really, really difficult to know what to believe. I work with a naturopath who says no dairy at all right now because it creates an acid imbalance in the body that leads to cancer in weakened tissues. I have reduced my dairy intake to maybe once or twice a week, small amounts. It's all just a personal decision, but I think the jury is still out on this issue.

Nadine

7timewinner

Sakura, thank you for the lovely compliment on my picture. Just feeling a little bit better about the way I look has made all the difference. I even gave myself a pedicure with a new color, so that instead of looking at myself in the mirror and feeling down, I can look at my pretty feet and feel good

Whatever it takes...lol

Nadine

Janet0527

Beth P - Thanks for sharing your feelings about that final chemo.  I suspect I'm going to have a very similar reaction.  Generally, I have done pretty well with all of this, because, well, because that's how I do things.  Life comes at me, and I just adjust and keep moving.  I like to think of it as positive energy, and good attitude, and rolling with the punches, and all sorts of things, but in reality there is a small part of it that is probably just a really good act.  Every once in awhile, in between working and dancing and meeting up with friends and telling people not to worry, that I'm going to be fine and I feel pretty good, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and it's like, WTF?  Last weekend at this dance event, I turned my bald head into a new costuming option, with creative head gear to go with each of four costumes.  I danced my ass off, feeling good physically and mentally, but also feeling very much like I had something to prove - not to anyone around me, but to myself.  I purposely registered for every entry that I qualified for, months ago, before I had any idea whether I would be up to it.  Then, well, I just had to do it.  People loved the various head wraps, and they were saying things to me like I was inspiring and they admired me and all this weird praise that frankly made me feel uncomfortable, because I wasn't trying to get attention or be admired, but rather just wanted to continue with my normal life in the midst of chaos, like fuck you cancer you can't screw with me, okay?  So anyhow, the point is, when I have my final chemo, I expect to have some of the same feelings you describe, because off and on I have them all the time.  Like I wake up and go to run my fingers through my hair and then I remember I'm bald, and then I remember why, and then I get pissed, and then I can't believe it and I marvel at how surreal it all still is, and then I push it aside, get out of bed, and get moving.  Constantly I tell people not to worry, it was caught early, I'll be fine, blah blah blah, and then I think well holy crap I sure do *hope* I'll be fine, but geez, maybe this son of a bitch will come back, or come back somewhere else in some other form, or I'll end up with a tumor in my pancreas like my mom had (and lived through), or who knows what.  Then I remind myself that thinking about the what ifs is a huge waste of time and energy and I might also twist my car around a telephone pole or get hit by a bus, but I know that my perception of life and how to live it is forever changed.  So, my last Taxol will be on Wednesday, August 12.  After that, I have another mastectomy, and oopherectomy, a few months of waiting, reconstructive surgery, and Arimidex.  But hey, I won't have to spend 4 to 5 hours once a week in my oncologists office, like I did today.  That, I'll celebrate.  Hmmm.  I guess I'm cranky today, and I actually had a nice day, following up chemo with drinks with a girlfriend and then dinner with two others.  Maybe it's the wine talking.

pickle

Janet: Thanks for your response.

Like you I usually adjust and keep moving when life comes at me...that's why I was so surprised by my emotions at my last chemo. But I have now adjusted, accepted and am moving forward.

Bravo to you for your dancing and your creative costuming. I admire creative people because I don't have a creative bone in my body. Good for you and your Screw Cancer attitude....doing it for you and no one else. But try to embrace the praise as I am sure you inspired all of the people there. I think us cancer gals do inspire others even though we don't set out to do it.

I sometimes catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror too and go WTF...surreal...or my mind goes to the What if's...but I am learning not to let fear and doubt grab a hold of me for long because I agree with you....big time and energy waster.

I will be getting another mastectomy and I am still sitting on the fence about reconstruction. I am going to relax and unwind for a few weeks before I make a decision. I finally went for my prosthetic and 2 mx bras today. It actually feels pretty good so far but I am not sure I want to have it forever.I do feel better and more confident in a t-shirt now so that's a bonus.

By the way...you don't sound cranky...I really enjoyed your post.

Luv2sing: Hope you are feeling better soon. Hugs

Bunny: Here's hoping for a cool Texas summer....do you have Air Conditioning?

Tanasha: I was driving a few weeks ago and hubby told me to slow down a bit. I said if I get pulled over I am whipping off the headgear and pulling the cancer card....I can't wait to tell him your story. Thanks for the chuckle and good for you. Go treat yourself to something with the cash you saved on the ticket.

Nadine:Your pic is beautiful and I'm sure your newly pedicured feet are a nice compliment to your look.

Hugs to all

Beth P

moborn63

Another Chemo trip tomorrow. Next week will be a real bummer because i will have Chemo on my Birthday... Oh well hopefully with this treatment I will continue to have Birthdays for a long time.

Hope all are doing well.

PattiB

moborn - I was done chemo but had to start my rads on my 51st birthday, even with chemo done (something of a celebration) knowing your moving onto the next step is very emotional.  But as you say even though the thought of having yet another step is emotional, we just have to do what we have to do, and know with today being 11 of 33 rads, I am 1/3rd done.  Yeah!!!!

Dawnmrn1

Hi Ladies!  You are all warriors getting thru this treatment one step at a time.  My last chemo will be the 23rd, and my onc wants my DH to come with me because he wants to talk about the emotional rollercoaster we are on. He told me on Tues. that there is a war raging in my body,and said it is not unusual, to take DH head off,or cry uncontrollably!  So far I've done neither, but time will tell. This is like a never ending tale, most of us have rads after chemo, then more Sx.  What a bummer!  I love the summer and it is short in NH, and I feel myself wishing it away, because I just want to be done Tx.I feel that by the 1st of the year I will be able to put this behind me, I hope and pray that nothing else happens. I too take what life gives me and everyone tells me how great I look and how well I am doing!  I too get a glimpse of myself and think who is this bloated, bald woman, with the rat on her head!!!! It can't be me!!!! But it is!  Enough complaining, thanks for making me feel that I am like you all, and I appreciate you all for helping me get thru this Tx.  I would have never done it without you all!  Love, Dawn

pickle

Dawn: Your Onc sounds like a caring person. That's great that he will give you and DH the rundown on the emotional rollercoaster. My onc is all business. Emotions have never really been discussed so the only way I know if I am normal is by checking in here.

Moborn: many many more birthdays are coming your way!

Patti: When will you finish rads? Do you go everyday? How are you finding it....SE's?

Sakura: Winter in Australia....how cold does it get? Loved the spinach in your teeth humor!

Gina: I haven't heard anything about dairy. Gosh there is so much conflicting info on what to eat and not eat. What are we supposed to do? I saw there is a crackdown on Herbals and supplements. It was on Fox news yesterday. Some of the supplement stuff is shown to contain lead and oither junk. They also warned about tea etc being bought over the internet....scary stuff.

Alyad: Seven days to go. I hope your stomach is feeling better.

ginagina

Bunny - done. Check out the roll call and let me know if it is OK. My parents live in Galveston, sister lives in Conroe and I spend the better part of the summer trying to convince them to come visit ME this time of year because there is NO WAY I would travel to TX (unless of course it was really, really important) because it is just too DANG HOT.  I also remember freezing my toosh off because buildings/restaurants/shops had AC on so low. Hot-cold-hot-cold. I don't know how you all manage!!

Rad/Zap Gals - hope all is going OK. How's the energy?

June Birthdays - Robin - Happy Birthday in advance (next Friday?) just in case I miss it. Anyone else a Gemini....or Cancer (as far as astro signs are concerned)? 

Janet/Pickel...everyone keeps asking me "what next?" Do you all get this? I have no idea when it comes to chemo/oncology. I am planning to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. But really, what happens? I assume a follow up in a couple of months but I haven't asked yet. Regarding other whooohaaaa, I am going to add ta-tas to my schedule in September. Frankly I am ready for something on my chest now that I've been boobless since February. I still have freaky phantom itches and tingles...I know that is the new reality, but frankly the most prominent thing on my chest is my breastbone/sternum,so it is time. Oopherectomy to come later (next spring?).  

Janet - loved your post. I can't count how many times a day I tell people not to worry.It is getting tiresome...but I also dont want to be a fun-sponge (as my brother so delicately puts it). Just want to talk about something else.

Nadine - a home pedicure is a great ideas! 

Has anyone started Tamoxifen/Armidex yet??? or is it all just anticipation? 

Hugs to all with chemo/rad induced aches and pains. 

g

pickle

Gina: I don't get people asking "what's next" . I just get "Yeah....you're done!" Well I am not quite done.....another mastectomy, reconstruction, and Tamoxifen. As far as follow up goes, I will be seeing my new oncologist on June 26th (new one because we are moving to Edmonton June 24th.) The new onco will be the one to start me on Tamoxifen and I guess they need to monitor me for a bit on it. Apparently there is testing to see if we metabolize it okay. I'm not certain what else happens as far as follow up but I am going to prepare a list of questions for the onc.I am anxious to see if the new onc's opinions differ from my current one. ie: oopherectomy (current one doesn't think I need it)  I am also waiting to get a surgery date for mx and possible recon.

What type of recon are you having?

I too would be interested to hear from anyone who has started hormone therapy.

Beth P

Dawnmrn1

Beth!  I was on tamoxifen for 2 months between my Ca diagnosis, I had no SE what so ever and I probably will start up again this summer.  For some reason, I had no fear of it, and maybe that's why I had no SE???? I also am post reconstruction on my right I had a TE and implant , and it is very hard and does not project like a real breast.  I will have it revised when I have my left reconstructed.

bwbly

Gina, thanks.

Pickle, yep, everybody in south Texas has AC ..... in our houses, cars, work places, stores, everywhere.

We're in a sauna outside and a nice cool cave inside. Any of ya'll that go to a gym .... wear your long sleeves, jeans and hats in the sauna ..... just to get a taste of my summer. Probably why I've been in the house in my pj's for the last 2 days LOL.

Bunny

crusader1

Hi All,

Been trying to read psots which I have missed . Too hard to comment on all. Glad to see we are all trying to be strong and optimistic.

We returned from the Amalfi Coast of Italy a few days ago. Gorgeous place with spectacular views. I will post some pictures.

I am on day two of my prescription of Arimidex. I am post menopausel. No effects just yet. Only kidding.

I am due to have a latismus flap reconstruction on July 1st. I had an expander put in during my mastectomy but my skin died and the expander had to be removed just like much of my skin. Now my chest is boney and nasty. I know it will be my fourth surgery since January but I am not happy like this.

Also my doctor is going to put me on Zometa infusions twice a year to prevent bone loss and maybe even prevent a recurrence. I finally got an okay from my insurance company.

I am almost approaching my one year anniversary( august) of that fateful mamography. Yes I have been involved with this stuff for that long. I am still optimistic about everything but sometimes it feels like someone has robbed me of a year of my life.

Okay lets see if I can show you ladies some real beautiful scenes.

"" ""

" "

Hugs to all,

Francine

buddy1

Francine   Great pics.  Thanks for sharing

Dawnmrn1

Francine!  Welcome back we missed you!  What a beautiful place!  Dawn

kduling

Hi everyone!  I just found this group!   My name is Karen....diagnosed beginning of Feb....Mastectomy with tram flap (R side only) at the end of Feb.  Chemo started the end of March.   Tumor 1.4 cm -- don't have "gene" -- did 4 rounds of chemo (just ended 2 weeks ago) and want to know when my taste will return to normal?   Good to "meet" you all!
Hugs

Karen

kduling

Dawn:

I know....I look in the mirror and it doesn't look like me either.  I can't even describe why.  The wig looks like my "real" hair.....I guess I'm bloated.....my skin is not pretty -- kind of got more blotchy (not acne....more just discolored I guess)....I dunno.

I start Tamaxofin next week.

:-) Karen

Dawnmrn1

Hi Karen!  Welcome to our thread!  We have gotten one another to this point over the past 4 months!  Everyone knows what you are going thru and is so supportive! We talk about everything as you can see! Right now some of us like you are ending chemo and starting rads!  I guess we all hate what chemo has done to us, but what is the alternative. In time we will return to our "normal" selves! Hai,r good skin, and some sort of womanly figure sounds good to me!! Dawn