Facing the Future

dreamwriter

Hi Randy.... keep those candles burning.  The darkness of not knowing is no longer permissable.

ranD

Today they are flickering a little after reading triple neg's posting...also since the pulmonologist didn;tcall  kind of worried about needing more draining this week...so, I think I need to take an ativan tonight and not think anymore, just one last prayer for steph and offto bed

randie

chipdog3

I am not sure if I belong here or not but, I did take care of my dad with the help of hospice. This is his story of death. He had coloc/rectal cancer for 2 years then it mets to his brain. Other than head aches for the past 4 months he seemed fine to me. He could no longer drive so I took him daily to his radiation treatments. He would always drink a strawberry milk shake after treatments. The last time we went to his cancer Dr. He said it was nice knowing you, you dont need to make a follow up appointment. Had I not heard the Dr. say that himself i would have thought it was a lie. One sunday morning I woke him up and asked if he wanted to go to breakfast. He said he didnt feel well but he would go. He ate a big breakfast. When we got home he was walking up the stairs and I could see him through the crack in the door, He could feel me looking at him and said I am okay bud. At that point he feel backwards down the 6 stairs to landing. He was completely unconsios I screamed and called for my mom to call 911 she said we couldn't because he was on hospice. I said call 911. the ambulance came and took him to the hospital. The hospice woman met us at the hospital to sign him off of hospice until he was released. They did a few tests and said he was fine. We were about to take him home when he said he needed to pee. The nurse got him a hand held urinal and he tried to stand leaning on the side of the bed. he slid down and fell on the floor. I said what is going on they said he was fine. they put him in a wheel chair and wheeled him out to our van. when they tried to stand him up he couldn't move his feet. The nurse said thats okay just kick his heals. I tried to explain to her that he could walk fine before he fell. no one cared.To make a long story short he was in bed for the rest of his life which was exactly 3 weeks. He could talk just fine but could not use his arms or legs. Hospice nurses came to our home to bath him and check his cathether. He had a colostomy so we did not have to the diaper thing. He was so brave and never complained. I remember the night he asked me if he was going to better and I had to say I don't think so. We had read the book about dying from hospice it happened page for page. One night when he could hardly swallow he asked for a ham and turkey sandwich. I went to his favorite meat market and got the fixins. My mom said I was nuts that he couldn't swallow it. But I cut up and he a couple bites. The next morning he cried that his stomach hurt. This was the first time he complained of pain.We called the nurse and she  said to give him the morphine. I had to leave for work but gave him his first dose of morphine. He said it tasted terrible. I told him I loved him and left for work. My mom comntinued to give him morphine every hour. By the time I got home from work at noon he was in a comatose state. It was about 5 hours later. At about 5:00pm that night he died. I know some of you asked about the dying process. This was my (step) Dads final story.

ranD

thank you for sharing that with us...

randie

Analemma

Chipdog, what form of morphine did he have, that you and your mom administered it at home?

dreamwriter

Thank you Chipdog for sharing with us.  Unfortunately sometimes we have to be the bad guy and stand up for whats right.  I would have a hard time doing this.  I can barely make myself ask for pain meds let alone confront the medical environment that there was something seriously wrong.  You are truly brave.

Debs-husband

Chipdog,

Thank  you for sharing your story.  I do wonder what it will be like for my wife when she reaches the end.  It does not appear to be imminent, but she is currently in hospice care, as unfortunately, the many chemo treatments she's had this past year, don't seem to have worked.

She also is now completely immobile, although we are throwing around the idea of buying a wheelchair transport van, so she could try to get out of the house this summer.  We will see.

chipdog3

Im sorry I dont know what kind it was. It was an emergency bag givin to us by hospice in case something happened we could get started until the nurses could get there. The funny thing is is when we signed him up for hospice the week before. The hospice people said we wouldn't need them for a while but they would visit weekly until he showed signs of decline. The nurse that came back 2 weeks later said she would not have known it was the same man. Now I am going the similar situation with my mom. She has breast cancer with mets to the lungs, her chemo drug recently stopped working and now she is on a hormone therapy. Which to me is super confusing cause the original diagnosis was triple negative stage 4. That was 8 months ago.Sadly I won't be able to keep her at home when she gets really bad. She will most likely have to go to the hospice building near the end. At least that is what we have discussed. Again I am sorry I don't know what kind of morphine it was but we had to sign alot of papers to keep it at the house. Sandy

suecco

my wonderful sisters, the end is seemingly near for me now, thank god i made a start on momentos what funeral arrangements I want etc, wont take much to finish it now so thats on my list for tomorrow, thanks to everyone on this thread for  you thoughts and insight into these now very important things,

my heart is breaking for my kids, the sit down will be any day now

the cancer is now 70% of my liver, realisticly we are looking at weeks, i havent given up, i am trying taxol which will either send my liver into complete failure or may give my a prescious few weeks more.

xxxx

Analemma

Ah, Sue, there's nothing to say.  Spend as much quality time as you can with your family.  I'm thinking of you.

Brenda

dreamwriter

Sue... I will keep you in my thoughts.  I am glad that you feel "prepared".  However, it is not over til the fat lady sings.... and I am not singing anytime in the near future.  I am sorry that you do not have MORE time with your children.

KellyC

(((Sue))) xoxoxo

ranD

Sue...in my thoughts and prayers ::::hugs::::

randie

saint

Suecco-----hugs & prayers for you & yours. We are all thinking of you & are with you in spirit!

VickiG

(((Sue))) ---- you are in my heart.

KLynn

(((((((Susie-Q))))))))))

You will be in my prayers tonight  and tomorrow, and as long as you need them...Your children will be in my thoughts and prayers ... Hugs KLynn..

EWB

My thoughts and prayers are with you Sue.

dreamwriter

(((((Sue)))))

Fitztwins

Sue, we are all thinking of you. Please don't be afraid.  Surround yourself with family and love.

Janis

ElaineD

Am still stunned at your news, and hoping with all my heart that the taxol will give you something...anything.....Thinking of you constantly, and keeping you close in my heart,xx

VickiG

Sue... just wanted to say again you are in my thoughts and in my heart, and we are ALL right there with you.  Gentle hugs, Vicki

Debs-husband

Sue,

My heart breaks for you.  Please know my prayers are with you and your family.  Also, remember that kids are super-resilient, and will be able to handle more than you know.  Hope all goes well with telling them.

Rob

sueps

Sue ..... I havent been around the boards lately, I want you to know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers constantly... I live near Bolton UK .... I really want you to know you have touched me.... and feel comfort from all the love coming your way from all of us here xxxx 

I feel like getting in my car and coming up the M62 ...... much much love xxx 

suecco

I dont know what I would do without your support, Ive shared alot with you all - prpbably too much!! You have always given me the love, support and guidance that has helped me get this far, and I will be checking in as often as possible to keep you all updated, much love, hugs and thanks xxxx

susan_CNY

wishing you and your family comfort and peace in my prayers

NYCarol

Sue, Praying that Taxol works and gives you some added time.  I pray you and your family find peace as the days go by.

Carol

Anonymous

Sue, this is the place you can share everything and anything you want.  We are here for you.  I feel a special bond with you since we both had idiot husbands who abandoned us in our most vunerable time.

I wish I could literally sit and hold your hand.  You are not alone.  We are really here for you.  Please let me know if I can do anything for you.

Much love and many prayers,

Bethie

CapeBretongirl

(((((Sue)))))

Anonymous

Sweet Sue,

I have no words of magic or comfort, but I do have an armful of love to offer.  I am holding out my hand for whenever you need to grab onto it, and I promise I will hold on tight.  I offer my tears, and even my ears if you feel the sudden need to scream, yell, or even curse.  I offer the readiness to share in each day and minute you are granted to spend with your family, and I offer lots and lots of hope. 

Much love and prayers to you, kind sister,

Deb

EWB

Sweet hugs and prayers and hope for another sunny day.