A feeling of total loss and helplessness.

farila_1966

Yeah! I am going through that now. One of my cousin who is in her late 30's was dx with ovarian cancer in 2007. She underwent surgery and chemo in Bangalore. Oct. 2008 she called me and informed that her tumor markers were very high and what should she do.I being cancer survivor of 13 yrs she felt could guide her and I did.  I guided her to the best gynecology - oncologist in Bangalore and told her to take his advice immediately. Also called up a few friends to help her out. I was part of voluntary helpers while in Bangalore and so have good contacts in hospitals and medical field there. But some stupid alternative medicine person promised total cure and ignoring all my suggestions they went to him. Obviously it failed and cancer started spreading and she is in great physical and emotional pain now. The hardest part for me to swallow here is that she was willing to go the doctor but it was her husband and brother who did not allow that. They forced her to follow them and she is the one who is suffering and dying. It is terrible to watch her suffer. She is at home and not on proper pain meds. She is just bones and skin. My heart goes out to her 4 kids. The eldest daughter is Farheena's age (13 yrs). That poor kid is suffering too along with her mother. Every time I visit her, I see her daughter sitting beside her and shedding silent tears. They do not like me interfering because they feel I am trying to waste their money on a person who is not going to survive. I am very angry and frustrated. She at least deserves to be in hospice and her daughter needs psychological help. The monster of her husband and brother are not listening... What do I do in such situation?

everyminute

There is nothing you can do unfortunately.  At this point all you can do is show her and her kids your love and support.  I am sorry that you are going through this, and that she is of course.

priz47

You may not be able to help your cousin, but you can hep those por kids! Try to get some one-on-one time with them and let them talk about their feelings. They do not understand and need help! If you can at least work with them, it might make you feel better. You are in my prayers!

D

Jessica1

There is ALWAYS SOMETHING you can do. It's a delicate balance but no one should be given up on...ever. She needs to feel love....that's it...love. However you can find to help her feel it..do it.

just love her. It's all we are here to do..that's it. Does anyone touch her? Soothe her? Play music for her?

This is what we CAN DO.

 YES, WE CAN.

YES, WE CAN.

Jessica

swimangel72

Farila I'm so sorry for your cousin - and pray she won't suffer too long. How sad that a woman's life isn't worth much to her own husband and brother - this is all too common, not only in India. I hope you'll be able to give her comfort and love and not get too upset yourself.

farila_1966

Thanks for those suggestions ladies. I live in rural India where there is no oncological hospitals. There is no hospice anywhere upto at least 200 miles of my village. The local doctors say it is their family decisions and can help only when called on to. The woman herself has no voice at all. She is illiterate and has been following orders for years and doesn't know what else she can do. I tried talking sense into her when it was possible for her to stand up talk but she wouldn't. Yesterday I saw her feet were totally swollen and full of blisters. She is mostly throwing up everything she takes in. The husband is confusing me. He had been a good husband to her all along for so many years. They never had any problems in their lives until cancer took control of it. He must have felt that allopathy treatment did not work for her as there was recurrance, so he may have resorted to alternative medicines (Ayurveda is famous in India but does nothing to cancer) . He feels the allopathy meds are only after his money. She has people caring for her though. Her daughter has not left her side for a month now. She is attending to her every needs. She comes from a big joint family. 7 brothers and 1 sister. Off course her mother is taking care of her too. No music though. I would have had a showdown with her family if they ill treated her but it is just a case of wrong belief. Her elder brother mislead her husband and he in turn took advantage of his advice. I have lost my Mom and sister to cancer but they did not suffer like this. Her husband knows I am upset with what he is doing and so tries to avoid his family contact with me. He feels I will poison his kids and wife's mind against him. Stupid. Like Jessica says, no one should be given up on.. Atleast she has love and attention. Off course her husband is there at times too, being very loving, feeding her junk food and talking sweet words.

I am disgusted and horrified with the situation. I am looking out for some NGO's who can interfere. Pray I will find one...........before it is too late. It is already too late.

Thanks once again for your suggestions and support.

farila_1966

She had difficulty breathing two days ago.. Just after I finished posting about her. She was taken to hospital.  I was glad that she was in caring hands but she went on failing badly and they sent her home few hours ago. It is terrible sight to see her kids moving around being scared, while she is struggling to hold on... Her feet are full of blisters and she is throwing blood from both ends. I am horrified and numb. Pray for her that she need not suffer anymore. I am sorry to be saying this but that is only thing left for prayers at this moment.. I am so sorry that I could not be of any help...

Very very sad

EWB

It is sad. My prayers are with her, her family and you. I pray someone is able to find a way to take away her pain, to give her comfort.

farila_1966

Finally she is at peace... Cancer sucks for sure.......She left her four kids behind and went on her final journey. Her mother who until then had been a strong woman (she is mother of 8 kids) just broke down and tried to hurt herself. It was quite difficult preventing her hurting herself by banging her head to wall and so I am sort of sore. Her kids were a pathetic sight. Her brothers and sister are there for them. Other relatives are pouring in to help them deal with the tragedy. Keep those kids in your prayers ladies...

EWB

So sorry. I offer prayers to the family as they feel the grief, now that her fight is over. Rest in peace dear sister, rest in peace.

Farila, I am sure you were of more help than you realize. My prayers are with you, it must be a diffucult time. My prayers are with the children, how awful to lose their mother this way. 

Blessings to you