Great thread, I've changed so much.

snowyday

I'm just angry all the time, in the last week I've cried at least four times.  I think it's time I went to see my old co-workers and start counselling I don't like myself anymore.  I have to fiquire out how to get back to myself, I hope there is a way.  I'm usually a happy person, but not for months now. I'm so glad I found this thread,  finally I'm telling the truth, I don't like me anymore.

Makratz

Hi,

I can relate.  I think BC really changes us whether we like it or not.  I was always happy and now I cry a lot. Sometimes I just don't know why.  Could it be a side effect of the meds?  I don't like me either , some days.  You just have to hang in there and realize you are still a valuable person.  I'm sure lots of people out there love you.  You need to find someone to talk to, whether on these boards, or a doctor, family member or a friend.  Please find someone and be honest!! I hope you feel better soon ang are happy again.

Jack55ok

I think BC changes us. Faced with the diagnosis, then thru all the treatment we become hyper sensitive. I get angered much easier that I used to as well. Other BC survivors have expressed the same thing, we are different women now, good, bad, and sometimes ugly. Don't be hard on yourself, look what you have gone thru.

I the meds we take have alot to do with the mood swings and unhappiness.

Hang in there, don't beat yourself up, LIKE and LOVE yourself sister, you have been thru a lot. God Bless you.v

otter

snowyday, I know this doesn't help much, but you have plenty of reason to be angry.  I might be in jail right now, if I were in your situation.

You are still in active treatment.  Whether it's the Herceptin causing you to feel that way, or just the fact that you are still getting regular infusions, it's understandable that you wouldn't feel like everything was back to "normal" (whatever that is).  Do talk to someone (a medical person) about it, though, because they should be able to help you through this.

As for the crying, I just posted a few days ago on our chemo thread that every once in awhile I find myself crying for no particular reason.  My dh is baffled.  We've finally decided to blame it on my "raging hormones" (or, more precisely, my total lack of estrogen due to the presumed effectiveness of the Arimidex I'm taking).  Whether that's the real reason or not, it gives me something to target.  I treat it kind of like the crying jags I used to get during PMS, and assume I'll be okay in a few hours.

If I wasn't okay in a few hours, or if I was sad for days and days, I sure would tell somebody and get some help.  In the meantime, think about those daffodils I sent you and feel all the warm hugs coming your way.   ((((((snowyday))))))

otter 

Anonymous

Snowyday: We have all been through something we DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR. I also have lots of moments when I don't like what I've become. I am not the same person. I will NEVER be the same person. However, there are time when I do like the new me. I am stronger. I am more tolerant. I am more forgiving. I am also more VERBAL! Get whatever help you can and remember that a lot of us feel the same way. HUGS and PRAYERS to you...

mikita5

Yes, bc changes us very much. It doesn't help that those close to you don't understand. My bc was 'cut out of me', with clean margins and snb was clean, so everyone says "you don't have cancer anymore", even my husband!  Crying, I think, is normal. DX was first of Jan and I still cry. Scheduled for bilat mx, so maybe that's why I cried today. I don't know!

snowyday

Thank you for replying, after I posted the message I logged off and just started crying and then called a counsellor I know. We talked for quite awhile on the phone and she's coming over so we can work through this, I don't like being constantly angry, thats not usually my nature and it bothers me alot.  I have to admit I was completly embarrased that I even wrote the post, but I'm glad I did now, somehow writing it down  for others to see makes me have to follow up with my problems and stop denying them.  Again thanks for the support I am very thankful for it. 

mikita5 it is frustrating when your family members think its all over because of the surgury. I'm so glad that you had clean margins, but most people don't understand there is no cure for cancer and how scary that fact really is.  Your still really new at this so I don't blame you for crying it's only been a few months.   I hope your bilat goes good, and I hope your husband starts to understand what your going through.  I wonder if the thread for family on this site would help him to understand how your feeling.

snowyday

Otter thank you so much, and I am thinking of your daffodils they are beautiful.  And as hard as it was to be so honest I'm glad I finally did it. I am tired of being crabby all the time. It's got to stop, And the counselling will help even the phone call made a big difference,  Lots of used tissues while talking to S.  XO Snowy

Sierra

Snowylady:

I am sorry to hear you are so sad

and glad however .. to know

that counselling is one the way

In past years, I have had a few meltdowns

and sought some help, a few anti deps

but talking helps so much, and having a good buddy

who understands

Would any tapes possibly help you?  Meditation

or soothing types of music?

Be sure you are taking the Vitamin D

and B vitamins.. especially the B12 along

with other B vitamins and your cal mag

Hugs out to you

PS I met a gal from London

yesterday, she came all the way into Toronto

to get her hair done at Aveda..

((((Snowylady)))

Hugs, Sierra