Alone

Mountainbike

Please somebody, anybody help me. I am 44 year old female diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer 2+ years ago. All sudden; had mastectomy with 11 nodes removed - all cancerous; had radiation on lower and mid back as most of cancer is in spine; had 9 months of weekly chemo; now currently on herceptin every three. At diagnosis time it was suggested that I perhaps not try chemo as my quality of life might not be so great for the short remainder of it as the cancer was so advanced. Well two years later thank you I made the right choice. However now Im trying to figure out how to live with it. I am so alone. I left the small town I was in at the time because there were no services available for treatment. I am now in a city of 1 million people (Calgary)and have never been more alone in my life. I am scared and just waiting to die. I fought so hard to live and now I dont know how. I dont always have access to a computer unfortuneately so I cant reach out in the middle of the night when I need someone....anyone to talk to. Im saving as best as I can but for now it will be trips to the local library when Im able. I'll hope that there is help for me and will check in a week. Thanks to all who took the time to read this.

CAZ

Hey Mountainbike,

I'm so very sorry for your situation.  I'm sure you will be overwhelmed by the support you will find on this board.  There are many Canadian sisters scattered about that may be able to help find you support close to home.  It sounds like you're a fighter.  I am proud of your accomplishment so far.  On this board you are never alone.  Maybe next week you can try a post that might attract the Calgarians.

Sending gentle but heartfelt hugs your direction.

Carol(AZ)

apple

oh.. so sorry you are alone.  can you find a breast cancer support group to attend?  My sis in law loves hers.  I check in here.

hope you go to the library lots to check in.  I'll put you on my kids prayer list.  they pray (and I do too) for lots of the women here.  What helps me immensely as far as my mood, is helping other people.  it's so rewarding and bringing smiles to people makes me happy even if i am in despair inside.

good luck

MaureenMoons

I just read your post and wished I lived in Calgary so I could come help you.  This is such a hard disease but to be alone is not right.  Do you have family to lean on? 

Please feel all the love and support flowing your way from all over the globe.  Everyone on this site is here for you.  I am so glad you posted so you will feel all the support and prayers coming your way. 

kim40

I wish you lived closer.  I actually live in Halifax, but if you check with the "Canadian Sister" thread, there are a few ladies that live in Calgary and maybe could even suggest a local support group in your area especially if you cannot go on line for support.  This is a great place to come for support and vent your fears.  In the short time that I have been here, these ladies are wonderful. Please check back in when you can and let us know how you are doing.  We are all here for you ((((((HUGS)))))

Fitztwins

Come on over to the mets board.  Sounds like you are doing great....Lots of ladies (including me) that are living with mets.

I have a family but I am 44 too!

Janis

LMDuncan

I also wished I lived closer I am in BC.  You could try contacting the hospital and go to their support groups.  I went to the look good feel better program, I had a great time.  You should sign up amd hopefully meet some one there.

HUGS

Lori

Anonymous

I wish I lived near you.  Sorry you are so alone.  Feel free anytime to send me a PM or email to Melissawalrond@comcast.net.  You can email anytime.  I am praying for you.

Melissa

prayrv

There's not much that I can add to the above ladies' suggestions, but please go to the mets thread and the Canadian thread, there you will find the most amazing & courageous women that I have ever seen.  Just know that here you are NOT alone.  Prayers for you to find a group here online or locally that you will connect with.

Gentle Hugs,

Trish 

Ivy

Dear Mountainbike,

I'm sorry for your overwhelming circumstances.  Surely everyone who reads your post, including those who don't know what to answer, feels empathy for you and your situation.  Everyone of us has felt alone; but only you are walking in your Mountainbike shoes.  You are not alone.  God is a refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  I thought He left me when I was diagnosed with cancer.  I had to hit bottom and realize every day of life is a gift that is not deserved or earned but given.  I know He's there and that His plan is bigger than how long our life is on this earth.  Please know He is with you.  That said, all your feellings are valid and our feelings are our feelings; they are there and they are normal and they are human.  Please post again even if you're not feeling any better.  Tell us how you are.  This is the place to share your feelings and people will understand.

fairy49

what beautiful words Ivy...........I am sure mountainbike and others will find support in them. thank you.

LRM216

I am so new to all of this, in fact, just posted my own scream for help post under just diagnosed, but your post so touched my heart, I only wish I there to hold you in my arms and let you know you are not alone.  Please feel all the good wishes and prayers I am sending to you.  I know only too well the feelings of being "alone."  Although I have my daughter, sister and 86 yr. old mom all living close by, I am a widow and at night, I am alone - and that is when all the walls begin to close in on me.  Please stay positive and know so many of us are only a click away and that we care, very, very much.

Linda 

lovinmomma

I am so sorry. Come over to the mets board with us and we will cyber hug you there.  Hope that you can find a group that can help you too.

dlb823

Mountainbike ~  I just came across your post tonight, and wanted to offer you a warm cyber (((hug))).  I'm so sorry that you are lonely.  I think daily contact with the women on this website would be wonderful for you.  If I was in your situation, I would let everyone I come in contact with know -- including the medical staff you see -- that you desparately need a donated computer.  Surely, someone will know someone who is getting a new computer and might give you one they no longer need.  I'd even do something like call a talk radio station and see if they could ask their audience if anyone has one.  Make it a project, and I bet you'll find one.  I would also look into any programs or classes that are offered where you're being treated.  Do they have a bc support group?  Many facilities in the US have a range of free classes -- from art to yoga to journaling, etc.  Do you have anything like that in Calgary? 

I'm also going to pass your name along to another gal here who is from Calgary.  Maybe she will know of some specific resources there for you. 

It sounds like your bc is doing great.  We just need to help you get out of the bit of a rut you're in, being alone in a big new city ~  Deanna

dee1961

Hi Mountian,

If you have a better way of contact, I would be happy to call or write you.

Send me a PM and let me know what I can do. All the ladies here care and will support you any way we can. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

~Dee

cp418

Mountainbike we are here for you.  Stay in touch. Ivy - beautiful post.

marshall2000

Mountainbike: I am sorry that you are in a new city and feeling so alone. I don't have any new suggestions that the ladies haven't already mentioned. I know you are a strong woman, or you wouldn't be with us now. Just know that when you are feeling alone and even when you aren't, that we are here for you, thinking and praying for you. Stay in touch as you can.

pk0199

I have PM"ed you. I am here in Calgary too!

marshall2000

Mountainbike: How are you doing? Have you found a support group locally yet? have you been following other threads. Just concerned, I popped on this thread tonight thinking of you. Isn't it a strange world we live in, where we can be surround by other human beings, yet be so horribly alone at the same time. second thought you are in calgary, it must be cold there, i am in tennessee and spring has sprung, it has definately brightened my spirits to see the daffodils everywhere, easter flowers i always called them. you may pm me if you like, i don't post often but please know that i read everything and care about all the fantastic women on this site.

your friend in spirit and thoughts, michelle

nelia48

 I thought this might help you get started in finding others who would understand and befriend you.  Wish I were there to give you a big hug!!!!!

Breast Cancer Support Group (Calgary, AB) (Calgary)

A support group for women with breast cancer.

2632 Lougheed Drive SW
Calgary, AB T3E 5T6
Telephone: 403-242-3355
Fax: 403-221-0888
Email: cdyte@shaw.ca

Mountainbike

This is the first chance I've had since my first post and I am overwhelmed by the support and kindness that is has brought to my life. Thank you so much to everyone for your words of encouragement and the options you've provided to help me with this. Still don't have a computer yet but have submitted an application to a local charity and will be receiving one soon. Hope, yay! I'm still trying to figure out this system and will get myself on to the mets thread (as soon as I figure out what that means). I'm new to the whole cyber hug thing but I feel them from you all who sent them and I return thoughts and hugs for you all.  I have so many questions, I just don't know where to start. Thank you

Anonymous

Hi Mountainbike.  Glad to see you got back to post and happy you will be receiving a computer so you can stay in touch with this very supportive site.

Where to start - anywhere.  Just ask and someone will be able to answer and point you in the right direction.  There is nothing too minor. 

Blessings to you.

hollyann

Mountainbike, sorry you are by yourself......You are definitely not alone here though......I am sorry I missed your initial post....I was out of town when you posted.....My sister had passed from end stage emphysema and I was just an emotional wreck after for a while.......I have PM'd you with my number if you would like to talk or I can call you if you don't have long distance..........I wish ou much peace and that you find a true friend in Calgary to be with you during this difficult time........

footprintsangel

Hi Mountainbike, I am alone too and there are many wonderful people here.

God bless you and help keep you strong through this time. You will love this family

here and there is alot of info and caring here. Hugs, Debbie

Lizzy90

Hi Mountain,



You are NOT alone! None of us are as we are and will be here for each other no matter what.

I can tell you from personal experience how even if you have great family support or friends to lean on after a while they might get a bit tired and fed up even if they don't say it...after all it is very hard on them as well it really affects every member of family as this disease puts sometimes limitations on all of us.we are irritated as we go thru treatment,scared not knowing surgery and pathology results then further treatments and then being constantly freightened when we will go for check-ups....never even discussed the shock when you are diagnosed...so I think a new chapter of our life starts and we need to make adjustments and live with them as best as we can because drugs are better and treatments are more advanced every year and guess what we might ,most likely will be alive for a long time ,therefore if you are ever down and of course we all have those crapy nights, sometimes crapy days,please come and talk to us / me as we are all here and know exactly how you feel better then any family member of ours would.simply put we are walking in your shoes and if the shoe hurts we will guide you on how to walk so it will hurt much less and hope one day will only hurt very little as you will find the perfect fit and the perfect crowd you need to walk this journey with.

I know the perfect crowd Is this group of brave,kind and fantastic bunch of women from all over the globe.

You are in my prayers! And I am with you fighting and again You are NOT alone.

Hugs,

Lizzy and Hanna