Taxotere is to hard!!!

nelia48

Lena, I almost cried . . . . but somehow laughed. . . when I read your post.  I had the 6 treatments like they prescribed for you --- only mine were 3x the normal dosage because of my being so overweight!  I was true roadkill through these treatments.  At times, I thought I was having heart attacks.  The stomach was beyond belief.  My pee burned so bad it actually burned holes in my underwear.  Skin peeled off the bottoms of my feet.  I almost quit the whole deal.  But what are the options????? The only other option I saw was a slow, painful, horrible death!  You WILL get through this, I promise.  My tumor was too big to operate first, too.  I waited 8 years before getting treatment, so it had fully taken over the breast, etc.  In fact, it had broken through the skin.  So I've been through chemo, been through surgery, and now 1/3 of the way through radiation.  I still have my port, and the Dr. says I have to keep it in for 5 years. 

All I can say is, pull up your big-girl panties, take a deep breath, and just go for it!  We all did it, went through horrible experiences, but here we are on the other side. 

I'll be praying for you!

Cora

chiquita

Hi, my last taxoter was very bad, I had all the SE in the book...this time my Oncologist change the amount of taxoter and gave  me some new medicine for the stomach and all other problems like my eyes, mouth, skin nails etc...I did suck on ice and had my hands on ice this time and it help because there is no pain in the nails...the time before was horrible...some of my nails are coming of....my foot the last time was very sore and I had to keep it up and not walk for a week.

My mouth has no taste but this time I don't have trash mouth...so far!!!!

I am luck to be able to stay at home and work only the last week of chemo, I am on three week on...I have only one more Taxoter and after I want to live and enjoy life!!!!

KathyNSW

Hi Chiquita

Sorry you are having such a rough time.I was on FEC100 and taxotere. I finished on Jan 7.

I found the Taxotere hard.Musle pain, watery eyes and feeling like you were spaced out.

The metalic taste , sore throat and a bit of heartburn ,and the weekness also.

If I can do it anyone can.

It has been 2 months since I finished the taxotere and my nails are just discolouring now and

very chance they will fall off but they will grow back. My hair is growing back to.

I am sorry this is tough but you will get there. Try to keep your chin up even though it is hard at

times.

Kathy

marianas

Dear Chuquita,

do not worry

the best thing is that this will go over

it is worthed and you will forget it

just keep on you hope nad inspiration

life will get much better for you

a warm hug to help you go through 

rosesinwinter

You all are giving such great advice!  I went thru TCH last year at this time and had many of the same side-effects.  Some of the reactions that you are describing are not actually due to the taxol part of the chemotherapy but due to the chemical solvent called Cremophor that they use to dissolve taxols into the i.v.  That is why they use steroids and antihistamine as prep before the treatments- to dampen the allergic reaction.  I had a full-blown allergic reaction after receiving a few drops on my 2nd Taxotere- tunred lobster red, had severe back pain, needed oxygen.  They changed my chemo to Abraxane from then on which is taxol attached to microalbumin particles.  Because there is no chemical solvent, they do not have to give you prep meds and they can run it in over only 30 minutes, instead of 3 hours. Abraxane is relatively new and you have to have "failed" with Taxotere before they can switch because it is more expensive.  I have to say that it was MUCH more tolerable!!

I would also like to add that I had severe diarrhea with the TCH; took several Immodium per day so that I could still go to work. I ended up in the ER with right-sided abdominal pain (no fever); the CT scan showed that I had pseudomembranous colitis from c.difficule bacteria and was admitted for over a week. In the ER, I was trying to convince them that I COULD go home and needed to be well to go to Disney World in 3 weeks. Needless to say, I cancelled that trip!!  It actually was harmful for me to take Immodium for serveral days because it trapped the toxins in my colon. What I am trying to say, your oncologist should take your complaints seriously because there can be other things going on.  If your diarrhea persists and has a bad smell, you may need to have a stool specimen analyzed.

Hang in there everyone; there will be a day when everything looks brighter!

scrappy_survivor

Going through all the sam & wondering when the taste will come back?? I have one more taxotere left on April fools & the only thing I can actually taste is chocolate. Not very healthy but I eat lots of vanilla ice cream with chocolate on it cause it feels good. Nothing else does. Nothing I drink is good either. Any suggestions? Or ideas on when the taste will come back. It did not come back between treatments will it be this way long term?

chiquita

This is my 5 days after the last treatment and I do not have any energy...but I am not throwing up and not having diarrhea...my eyes are ok and my mouth is flat no taste some pain in the tongue...I will try to walk a Little tomorrow and see if I can eat a Little more...hugs and kiss to everyone...

Texas357

momof4stars: I'm exactly the same! The only thing that tastes normal is chocolate. (Okay, that could be a blessing. Imagine if the only thing that tasted good was something like okra.) I can also taste orange spice tea. I really want to be able to start counting the days until my mouth is normal again!

susan13

I just finished up my 4 Taxotere treatments.  The last one was a doozey and knocked me on my butt big time. Exhausted, my brain is foggy, I can't remember jack sh*t, my stomach hurts, my head hurts, I can't sleep... what can be worth these SE's is if the darn crap does it's job!  But all in all, I have to say the AC still was worse.  Oh and the metallic taste and not tasting anything blows!!  And I'm jealous if u can taste chocolate!  I tried POURING hot sauce over chicken the other day and I still didn't taste anything!   Oh to feel normal again... soon , soon , soon!

chiquita

Hi, momof4stars...I am from Amherstburg and I can see you are doing Ok...good luck and keep up the good fight!!!!

Lena

Nelia....I'm not as brave as you are (or anyone else here, for that matter), and I DO see a viable alternative to BOTH a protracted painful death of untreated cancer AND these treatment horrors. Namely, how about a nice quick just kill myself and get it over with??

I'm scheduled to have my port-a-cath installed next Wednesday (3/25), and the following Monday (3/30) I have an appointment with my oncologist at which time, AFAIK, we're going to discuss the result of the X-ray I had immediately after our last meeting, and the details if when I start chemo/what I'll be dosed with, when. As soon as I had the port-a-cath date set, though, I felt like I had just done the stupidest thing I'd ever done in my life (er, oops, this is the second stupidest: the true stupidest thing I did was get married. Yup I ended up divorcing the creep).

While I do believe that treatment can, and probably will, buy me SOME time, this is not the KIND of time I can even imagine as being "worth it," and with Stage IV IBC, even if I somehow can endure the treatments (or even not have as MANY of the nasty side effects as I've been reading about in here), I don't even remotely believe it'll buy me ENOUGH time to ever feel and look anything like "Me" ever again. Yes, I'm still alive now, and I don''t expect the treatments to literally kill me, but all I can see is that my life as ME is over for good once I go into that infusion room and they start administering that stuff.

The only time in my adult life I ever considered suicide was 15 years ago when I had my stroke -- the neurologist had somehow originally thought the paralysis on my left side could have been MS, and he tested me for that. Turns out I didn't have MS (which was why I decided I didn't have to kill myself -- when the doc said I didn't have MS, which is degenerative and would ultimately leave me in another untenable "I won't live like that" situation, as I define it: abjectly dependent on others to take care of even my basic physical needs and said I'd had a migraine induced stroke, I actually burst out laughing and said, "That's ALL? I 'only' had a stroke? Well, people can get BETTER from strokes! Cool!") -- and with physical and occuptional therapy, I was able to regain enough of my motor coordination back to be declared "functionally independent." (But not enough to be able to play my music again: I had been a classically trained pianist -- had been playing 28 years -- also played 12-string acoustic guitar for 18 years and synthesizers for 12 years and I composed, recorded, produced and released seven albums of my original music as an independent artist.)

I have to admit that I ended up totally losing all interest in music, I put it all behind me...no, not easily -- it took me six years past the time of trying to be able to play again, and not being able to re-learn any of MY music or execute any of my musical ideas before I finally gave in and sold off all my equipment (I had a full blown recording studio in my living room). I even lost interest in even just LISTENING to music, with the sole exceptions of, at intervals of months or years, I feel like listening to my Synergy albums and my own seventh album, ironically titled "The Fire of Dreams."  :-P

My creative energies eventually turned to writing, and a few years later to occasionally making custom objects for my Sims game (in which I have recreated the sci fi fantasy universe of my 10 unpublished novels, and no I don't want to try publishing them thank you, and please don't tell me I "should" try) -- well The Sims are how I've hung on in the three years since discovering them, building up and escaping to a private universe of my very own while being sick of fighting my own "incompetence" as it is. (it's still hard for me to do numerous everyday things that used to be easy: the only difference is that I CAN do them, albeit badly and/or with difficulty, whereas prior to the physical/occupational therapy, I couldn't do them at all).

Nearly all of whatever courage I might have ever had once had was almost totally used up with that, and what scant amount remains is being worn down just getting through another day -- and I felt that way years BEFORE the cancer diagnosis.

But even so, there's still some "Me" left -- my brain is still sharp/creative, other than tiring easily because of all the extra "work" to compensate from my partial paralysis I still feel OK, and most of the time I even (sort of, sometimes) like what I see in the mirror (I'm not taking this "getting old" thing all too well and I miss my former pretty eyes that had no bags under them and long shapely legs which didn't have "road maps" on them, but neither do I think baggy eyes and no-more-wearing-shorts in public legs are valid reasons to commit suicide! bald almost comes CLOSE, but if I hang old bedsheets to cover the mirrors plus somehow find a scarf or wig so I don't have to even see that, I can probably handle it). None of even that much will even apply once I go on chemo...I'll be an empty shell, a physical body alive in name only, "chemo brain" making me too stupid to do anything even if I somehow have energy enough to sit at my computer desk (I "prepared" my laptop in case I can't get out of bed, so I can at least lie there and play Sims or watch Star Trek DVDs in bed, but I tend to do my "smartest coolest" stuff on my desktop machine). Call me a coward if you want and I'll accept it gladly, but that's how I feel.

Well, I think it's time to go eat some lunch. While I still can eat, and enjoy it too. Big Tossed Salad comin' up... YUMMMMM!

Hugs to you all and kudos to your courage.

~Lena.

chiquita

Lena

You are a beautiful person and God will be with you and heal you...you have to believe in the future and please do not give up...chemo is very hard but will give you time to enjoy life again...hugs and kisses

Lena

Chiquita, how are you feeling now, in terms of your taxotere side effects? Curiously, did your oncologist and/or chemo nurse (if you have one: does everyone, or most patients? I was surprised to learn that such a person as a "chemo nurse" existed) tell you that you'd tolerate chemo "well" before you started getting it?

Rosesinwinter, at my next oncologist appt (which is to include the specifics of when I get which of the drugs), I'm going to ask him about Abraxane as an alternative to taxotere (I somehow missed seeing abraxane in my research, or maybe I did catch it and read about it but it didn't register with me until now with your mention and description of it). The "funny" thing is, when my oncologist told me he wanted to put me on doxorubicin, cytoxan and taxotere, although I HAD read about THOSE, the one that scared me the most at the time was the doxorubicin. Now since encountering this thread, it's the taxotere that scares me most! :-O

Um yeah, "new and improved" chemo drugs...new maybe, but "improved"? In Akaren, the language of my sci fi fantasy characters, "Erishel famal!" (That translates, approximately, to "equine excrement!") You poor people are sick as dogs from this stuff, just like that friend of my father's who I saw fight cancer in the 1970s (that man was truly what you'd call a "warrior," too, and there is no question that he died anything but honorably in battle). It makes me so sad for all of you (*hugs* to you all), and fearful for me. I'm still more afraid of the treatment than the disease or even death.

~Lena.

paweed

Lena

Hang in there.  I had my last TC Nov. 14 of this past year.  Yes it was hard, yes I had my bad days and weeks but it is over and I am beginning to get back to myself.  My hair is growing, yes my nails peeled off but are growing back, yes I got neuropathy in my feet and fingertips but that is resolving, yes I got chemo brain but now my head is clearing up and I am back to creating again.

There were days and moments that I asked why am I doing this.  But I did it for me and my family.  My mother died when she was 56.  I am 52 and do not want to do that to my family or myself.  I want to be an old crotchedy lady!!   I dont want to give in to this thing that came out of the blue.  I know I am strong and can get thru this(at least that is how I feel today!!)

I send you big huggs filled with strength and love.

Patty

kt57

Patty,

i am heading into TC #5 next week --- Your words are just what I needed today!   Thank You.

WLL

I had 1 session of taxotere, had a bad reaction-inner thighs broke out with large very painful thick rash that itched sooo bad. So my oncologist is changing my regime to Adriamycin/cytoxin x4, and taxol weekly x12. I am little nervious because i actually felt pretty good on the taxotere. I did experience diarrhea, mouth sores, but i felt good enough to work. If anyone is on the AC/T , i would love to hear you experience.

chiquita

Hi Lena, Yes I was ok taking the toxotere but the SE came after and was very bad my second chemo is going Ok I have the SE but not as bad as the first, and today day 7 is going Ok...my mouth has no taste and food is like eating card board...the ice on my fingers during the chemo help me a lot, my fingers are ok...I only have one more chemo and them freedom!!! xoxoxo

chiquita

Paweed...is very nice to see you are doing Ok...thank you for posting and given us a view of the future...xoxoxox

paweed

Amazing the things you forget but I also had a rash on my chest, WLL.  It was VERy itchy, raised, red and something my onc hadn't seen before, or at least not like that.  A prescription hydrocortisone cream and some cream that I had made(it had tea tree, jojoba, vit e, and some other stuff I don't recall at this moment)   The ointments helped and it went away as soon as I stopped chemo.

As far as food goes, and everyone is different, the more comforting the better.  One of my favorite things people would bring over would be SOFT white/italian bread with REAL butter.  mashed potatoes,crappy white powdered donuts(you know, the Hostess kind)  and oh,  orange sherbet.

I loved soft veggies, like cooked carrots.  I guess the blander the food was, the better it tasted as my taste buds were fried.  Now that I think of that it makes sense.

big huggs to all

nelia48

My last chemo was Dec. 3, 2008, and by New Years, I was beginning to taste things again.  I also liked bread with real butter, sherbet, cream of wheat cereal.  One thing the chemo nurse recommended was Carnation Instant Breakfast drink, and this gave me some nutrition.  Some foods actually made me sick just to smell it.  Chicken noodle soup was another thing I could eat once in a while.

Cora

rosesinwinter

Lena, your description of your talents just blew me away - you seem like someone who has worked hard and mastered so many skills in life!  I will not negate your fears of all of this but I also know that you can do it, step by step, day by day.  You can read about all of the side-effects that I had and the hospitalizations...but I am now 18 months out from diagnosis of stage 3 breast cancer and life is good!  I went for my 6-month followup with my radiation oncologist yesterday; all was well...and then I went out to eat with my 19 year old daughter home from college. It was the first day of spring, the sky in Ohio was bright blue and the robins are back!  

I understand your fear in stage IV- I was almost there.  But my outstanding oncology social worker sat with me and explained that she had stage IV patients who had lived for 7, 8 and 10 years; that stage IV may be turning into more of a chronic condition that is managed longer-term with meds. I am sure that women on the stage IV boards would know much more about that than I.  Come here often and people will help to carry you through.

chiquita

Lena after reading rosesinwinter advise to you I remember a friend stage IV that is 2 years health and the same person told me she did took chemo and rad and went to her checkup last month and is Ok...please take the chemo and rad and give your self a good chance to live and enjoy life health...God Bless You!!!

beeb444

I found that Smart Water, available in supermarkets, is the only tolerable drink on Taxotere.  it leaves no bitter taste and I have been almost totally unable to eat because of the bad taste of everything.  The water and matzoa ball soup are keeping me alive.

Texas357

I hear you beeb444! I haven't been able to eat for weeks, and staying hydrated when everything tastes bad is a challenge. I'll try the Smart Water. I've

Lena

Hello everyone,

 

I knew it'd been quite some time since I'd been back to this thread, and I was even looking for it yesterday but couldn't find it! Thanks Texas357 for posting and bumping it -- I found it this morning.

 

My main reason for wanting to come back here was to find out how chiquita was doing -- and I'm so glad to hear your SEs weren't as bad with the second treatment. I don't remember how many you were supposed to have -- by this point, have you had any more? And if so, how are you feeling now?

 

Oh, and now that I'm here and reading more recent posts --  I'm sorry to read that others of you are still having problems. :-*( I hope you feel better soon, and *hugs*

 

And now here's my update.

 

1. I "lost my virginity" (er, had my first chemo) on 4/9/09  (last Thursday), with a triple gang-bang of adriamycin, cytoxan, AND the dreaded taxotere. They gave me Decadron first (to minimize possible allergic reactions to the taxotere?), but then I got The Big Three in the aforementioned consecutive order -- as soon as one bag on the stand emptied, they replaced it with the next one.

 

2. Much to my everlasting shocked surprise, my side effects are barely even worth reporting. I had gotten prescriptions for ativan and compazine filled prior to starting the chemo, and while I was being infused, my chemo nurse came by, we talked a bit and then she called in an additional prescription for another anti-nausea drug, kytol, which we picked up on the way home after my treatment (my Pack Rat was with me). As per my chemo nurse's instructions, I took the ativan the day before chemo, the day OF chemo, and the day after, and I took the kytol as directed (beginning Friday, twice a day for four days, so I finished them yesterday)-- so I'm sure that helped. But all I have to report in terms of SEs are:

 

A. I peed red, once, when I used the bathroom just before leaving the treatment center when the infusion was complete. It was only red pee though, no pain, burning or anything else. (Whew!)

 

B. My stomach felt "a little funny" once that night, a couple times Friday, Saturday and Sunday, once yesterday and once today (so far). It wasn't full-on nausea, but I decided not to let it get to that point -- so I took compazine each time and my stomach returned to normal. (Whew!)

 

C. Between Friday night and Monday morning, I was knocked on my butt with major fatigue. I must have slept for what, 30-32 hours out of 50-52? Would've been more if not for Friday's neulasta injection -- at about 1 PM on Friday I desperately wanted to take a nap, but my injection was scheduled for 2:30 so I had to stay awake. I did take a 3 hour nap when I got home from getting the injection (woke up at 8 PM) but I still went to bed at a normal bedtime (10 PM or so)...slept a full 8 hours but on Saturday still took TWO 4-hour naps...AND went to bed on time, got another 8 full hours, and another 3 1/2 hour nap on Sunday afternoon (and still passed out at bedtime and got yet another full 8 hours of sleep!). Whoa! But, if THIS is the WORST of the physical side effects chemo is going to have on me, yes, I can do it. I've continued to take naps (and still get 8 hours of sleep at night) but not as extreme as over the weekend -- 2 hours yesterday, an hour and a half today. 

 

No difficulties with food or eating (just being too lazy to COOK, I didn't cook anything until yesterday when I made chicken, rice and green beans -- in enough quantity for both yesterday's dinner and today's lunch; Friday through Sunday I ate microwaved leftovers, instant oatmeal, canned fruit and soup) -- but I think I  had a slight touch of chemo brain I think, or could it have been just the exhaustion in general so I just couldn't think right? Whaddya make of this -- chemo brain or fatigue?:

 

On Sunday afternoon post-nap I decided I wanted to "apartment hack" a Sims object (and I've done so many apartment hacks the procedure is mostly rote by this time: it's one of those things that's simple but "detailed" so you need to pay attention to what you're doing) -- and I couldn't concentrate on it. I couldn't even organize my thoughts enough to write up my usual "Checklist" and tried to do it without, and ended up so confused I wound up just trashing it. It scared me, because most of my other Sims hacking WIPs are considerably more complicated than this, and are NOT rote because they mostly go into unexplored or barely explored territory for me at this point (I'm only an "advanced intermediate" at this, not an expert, and I have this horrible tendency to get lightbulb flashes that I GOTTA make stuff that's over my head, like that damn Star Trek food replicator!) IOW, I NEED MY BRAINS BIG TIME to work on THOSE! Gosh I haven't touched my "urban garbage fridge" in a whole week now, and I'd put it down temporarily because I'd been hacking a lot, needed a short break because I knew it was going to be semi-complicated to add sounds and animations even when my mind was in transwarp drive! Yikes, and then I start chemo! Anyway, I haven't tried to do any more Sims hacking since Sunday, not even the easier ones like removing EP checks, upping motives or graphics resource swapping (I would REALLY like to make a love bed with graphics from this cool Chinese bed I downloaded specifically for this purpose -- months ago! LOL)...

 

Oh geez, that's all another universe to you people, isn't it? So I guess I'll "come out" and admit to you that for the last three years I've been a hopelessly abject Simoholic -- FYI,  my avatar is a picture of my self-sim! OK, back to our regularly scheduled breast cancer post....

 

I also pulled myself together (mostly hahahaha!) in terms of  not only stocking up on Chemo Survival Supplies prior to starting (thanks to the shopping lists elsewhere in this forum), but even starting to deal with ::::shudder:::: the hair loss thing. My hair was almost down to my waist; the only reason it wasn't down to my butt is because it just plain refuses to grow that long! Believe me, I tried for YEARS! I even stopped all  coloring and blow drying 20 years ago in the hope that maybe it would grow down to my butt if it was "healthier."  No coloring/no blow drying did help: my hair did get a little longer and nicer (when I colored and blow dried, its maximum was only halfway down my back, and was seriously ratty at the ends!), but it never grew down to my butt! Waist length is as long as it gets, period, and, most of the time for anti-split-ends reasons I usually kept it an inch or two above the waist since it's really ratty at the ends when I let it get to maximum.  I violently abhor short hair -- it makes me look TOTALLY HIDEOUS. (for me, "bare minimum presentable" is SHOULDER length, which I had to do for awhile when I was a microbiologist -- I didn't like it much because I felt it made me look like an old lady and I was only in my 30s!), and the idea of being BALD (which I don't think looks good on otherwise handsome MEN!) makes me COMPLETELY, UTTERLY SICK! But.......the Saturday before starting chemo me and Kym went went wig shopping -- after which time I took her out to lunch and invited her back to my apartment and asked her to cut my hair short (I didn't want to be seen like that in a public place, but, more in a moment, it'll be worse tomorrow or Thursday). Kym's been my Split Ends and Bangs Trimmer for the past 6 years since I "fired" my hairdresser for being too scissors happy. 

 

Anyway....I tried to make it less traumatic by asking her to do it in the living room (so i wouldn't have to see it happening in the mirror!). I did OK, until I saw it when she finished and I went in the bathroom to look in the mirror. No, it's not a "bad" haircut, I just hate how I look in short hair, that's all -- and my hair is so short now,  it won't even go in a pony tail. Thankfully I got a decent wig that looks good on me (length, halfway down my back), so I don't have to go outside looking like this.  I haven't yet once even opened my apt door without my wig on since the haircut. And as I said, it's going to get worse because it still needs to go shorter, as in military buzz cut, before the chemo makes it fall out and I'm shedding all over the place like an overheated sheep dog. And, because Kym's only a hair amateur, not a pro, (great for trims or simple haircuts but nothing precision or "sensitive"), I am going to have to go to a hairdresser for the buzz cut. So tomorrow or Thursday I'll be popping in on Ms. Scissors Happy and hoping to Great Ratness it won't be crowded. Yup, I'll wear my wig for the trip out, take it off for Ms. Scissors Happy to buzz me, and put it back on THE INSTANT she finishes!

 

And now, for the personal notes of encouragement you left me (thank you all so much for thinking of me)...

 

Patty, I'm SO glad to hear you're done with your TC and starting to get back to normal (any more progress?). As for being a crotchety old lady -- you're a couple years older than me (I'm 47, will be 48 in June), so IMO you're qualified to join me in that now -- I"ve been one since i was 40! Just call me Ms. Curmudgeon please! I am an accomplished expert at complaining and throwing pity parties! I'm not a family person like you are, though, so any staying alive I continue to desire is solely dependent on personal QOL considerations, and, while I have no particular desire to drop dead right now (as long as I avoid the mirror LOL), honestly I don't want to live to be 80 years old either! I don't like Neil Young particularly -- he's one of those graduates of the Streptococcus Pyogenes School of Voice whose "emotional" semi-off-key whiney "singing'" totally grated on my nerves --  but one of his songs had a lyric, "it's better to burn out than to fade away..." which was always just so "me" -- I lived fast and hard...not as in boozing/abusing drugs, but in making sure I did everything I considered important by the time I hit 40, now more than ever I'm so glad I did! Given the choice of dying young but being Me for what time I do have (burn out) vs. death as a feeble old person (fading away), I'd much rather burn out. Thanks for the big hugs, so big hugs back to you too.

 

Rosesinwinter....so glad to hear you're doing much better of course, and that you didn't end up at Stage IV. Hahahaha, yeah, well, there's one talent that I never had but wished I did: visual art of any kind is totally beyond me. If not for my complete spatial retardation and total inability to draw anything, including a simple straight line, with a ruler, on a piece of graph paper, I might have almost qualified as a "renaissance woman" -- visual art was the only piece missing from my puzzle, because that part of my brain NEVER worked right!  Yeah, you're darn right, I put hours every day for years into my music, my science and my writing -- and was able to do it because I didn't have a family...by conscious deliberate choice: I just "knew somehow" from a very early age (13!) that I wouldn't have time to live my own life to the fullest if I had to put others first, and I also knew that if I would have had a family, I'd have made it a POINT to put them first, because I knew what it was like to grow up in a household where I came last and would never have wanted to subject anyone to that!). 

 

However, it's also a fact that I LOVED the overwhelming majority of those hours I spent practicing, composing, recording, performing, studying mathematics and science, working in the labs, technical writing, fiction writing.....so most of the time it didn't feel like "work." I distinctly remember one day at work in a lab, while identifying isolates from water testing, doing a wet mount (genus level ID complete, but species level was down to two possibilities: the two species in question had to be differentiated by motility vs. non-motility: one species was motile, the other wasn't)....and looking in the microscope and watching the little buggies swimming across the slide, marveling at them (almost to the point where I almost forgot to write down the fact that yes, they were motile!) and thinking, "Wow, I am actually being PAID to do this?" It was just too much FUN! Needless to say, I could just as easily come up with many other similar memories in the labs and many from music and writing. I remember them so vividly as though they were yesterday. I had a wonderful life which I rode as far as my ability and ambition could take me. But, I'm mostly done. I'm happy for the memories and now that I've recreated it in The Sims, content to simply "live in" my writing universe there. (my universe is sci fi fantasy,  actually created with a collaborator whose own stories inspired me, but because I was the "depth" person and she was the "basic concept" person, I did 90% of the detailed worldbuilding , which covers language, customs, laws, traditions, and of all things, religion! I amazed myself with that one: seriously, as in for real, I'm an atheist and don't believe in the supernatural at all, but I took that basic concept of their elaborate pantheistic religion and ended up inventing all the actual religious practices and even two "new" gods (plus THEIR rituals!).

 

And yes, I've been on the Stage IV board (as well as the IBC), been occasionally exploring around the forum. My oncologist and chemo nurse kinda talk like you do, i.e., Stage IV being more of a long term chronic illness to be "managed" rather than a terminal disease that's going to  kill you -- I still remain kind of skeptical, but, I'll see what happens.

 

Um well, I've subjected you all to enough of my motor mouth rambling to last you a few weeks I'm sure (hope I didn't bore you all to tears, if I did, I'll try to watch it next time)...and I have to take a shower......so everybody please feel as good as you can and be as happy as you can!

 

~Lena.

 

chiquita

Lena I am so happy you are Ok...I took my last chemo on April 01, my SEs this time are very minimum I had Ice during my chemo and cold gloves to protect my fingers, It work and the fingers are doing great and my mouth is better no sores or thrash...I have to see my Onc. and see when I can have the chemo port out and enjoy life again...xoxoxo to all.

Lena

I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU CHIQUITA!!!!!!!

:-D

*hugs hugs Hugs HUGS!!*

~Lena.

jrgolomb

My biggest problem with taxotere is the chemo brain.  I can't seem to do more than one thing at a time.  I can't spell anymore, can't remember what I did 5 minutes ago or earlier in the day.  That has been overwhelming me more than ever.  Oh yeah, and the aches and pains......that is not fun.  How long does chemo brain last?

ShondaE

I did 4 DD A/C and tolerated them fairly well except for the Nausea and a few other se, but Taxotere is kicking my butt.  I am so fatigued I don't even want to get out of bed most of the time, walking the stairs in our house is killer so I only try to do it once or twice a day. 

Funny enough thou the peach fuzz that I had grow back on my head has not fallen out and I will be having my 3rd dose of Tax on Tuesday.

JRGOLOMB, I am sooo with you on the Chemo brain, that is killer.  I will forget what I was going to say mid-sentence, which is frustrating as hell.

chiquita

Lena please remember to go to the bathroom every 3 or 4 hours and drink lots of water, tea coffee and juice, you have to protect your bladder from chemo and  if you sleep more than 4 hours use the alarm to wake you up to go to the bathroom...xoxox...