Will I be ok alone after my surgery?

javagirl39

I am booked for day surgery on Feb 24 -- I am having a lumpectomy and a sentinel node biopsy.

According to the hospital forms that I have to fill out for my pre-op appointment, I need to make arrangements for someone to drive me home and stay overnight with me after my surgery. According to the hospital information, if I don't make these arrangements then my surgery will be cancelled.

Prior to reading the hospital forms, I thought I'd be ok with taking a taxi home and staying alone overnight (I live alone). Do I really need to have someone help me? Won't I be ok on my own?

I'm pretty much on my own dealing with breast cancer. I'm single, don't have kids or many friends. I have one friend who would stay with me, but I think if anyone should help, it should be family.

Before I even read the hospital form, my mother said that she'd stay overnight after my surgery but I know that she can't leave my father home alone due to medical reasons and would then need to find someone to stay with him. Too complicated I thought, so I tried to get a hold of my sister. Couldn't reach her. So I called my brother. He said yes without hesitation but I told him that he would be my backup if I can't find someone else. He lives an hour's drive away. Later I got a hold of my sister who lives ten minutes away and she said she can't do it and further told me that I wouldn't find anyone to stay with me and it would be easier on everyone if I just stayed at my parents house and it would be too much pressure on my mother if I return to my own home (that's right, you read that correctly). I had thought about staying with my parents after surgery because my mother is so supportive but unfortunately my father is not supportive at all. I won't get into the reasons why that is, but my sister is well aware of it. Now my sister is not supportive of my plan to return to my own home to recover after surgery.

I don't want to bother anyone, so do I really need help after surgery?

Thanks,

Christina

kamico3

javagirl39-- I think everyone is different and unfortunately it's hard to predict how you'll feel afterwards. I had a SNB and lumpectomy and the worse part of it for me was what always happens to me after general anesthesia, which is that I was very nauseated afterwards for quite a number of hours, despite having been given anti-nausea medication. It was nice to have someone around then, if only for moral support. I do think that it is recommended  (if not required?) that you have someone stay with you for a while at home after surgery just in case you have any problems. Having said that, once I got over the nausea I really didn't feel that badly, wasn't in much pain (only took ibuprofen, nothing stronger) and could certainly fend for myself despite being sore. My advice: why not just let your brother come and help you for that first night? He's willing, and an hour away really isn't that far. I'd bet that you'd willingly do that for him! 

anianiau

In answer to your question: Well, maybe not--as long as you aren't trying to drive the day of surgery or the next. But it's not what I'd recommend. 

However, perhaps your primary focus needs to be setting up a way to meet the hospital's requirements so that you get the care you need. Hospitals are often concerned about liability as well as your well-being. There are options. Would you consider a short-stay admission (perhaps just overnight) to a rehab hospital or skilled nursing facility? In the US, your insurance may cover this, but only IF you are admitted directly from the hospital. Someone from the Canadian side may be able to advise you on the situation in your area. My real concern would be having your surgery cancelled. 

The simplest option may be to rethink your statement that "...if anyone should help, it should be family." IMHO, friends can become family equivalents. We all need help at some time or another. It's a sensible strategy to build a network of support--not that you have to do this--but I hope you will consider it. It also helps to have a fair number of people in that network, so that they don't feel pressured.

Your brother sounds like a sweetheart. I'm 'voting' with kamico3--take him up on his unhesitating offer! You might offer to take a taxi to the hospital but have him pick you up--hospital can call him when they figure you are within an hour of being ready to be released....and he could leave early the next day if all has gone well, which it probably will.

Hope you have an easy time of it, regardless of what you decide. Am wishing you well and a speedy recovery.

PS: FYI, in most cases, the outpatient surgical center RN will do a follow up phone call the next day. It's a good back up.

NYCarol

Absolutely you need somebody to drive you home and stay overnight with you.  Although the odds are small that anything will go wrong, you need to be with somebody who can call for help if that should happen.  You will certainly be groggy and a bit unstable after surgery, and often in that condition poor decisions are made.  Sooooo,,,,it seems your brother actually wants to help you...he said yes right away.  Call him and say thanks, I do need the help.  Certainly you would do it for him.  You know sometimes we reject the person who wants to help the most and they feel left out.  He sounds like your answer to me.

 Best of luck with your surgery.

Carol

Beesie

Christina,

I'm in Ontario too so assuming that your hospital follows the rules, you will not be released unless someone (and not a taxi driver) is there to pick you up.  As for having someone stay with you overnight, the reason that they have this rule isn't because you will need help after surgery - that's not really their concern.  The reason for the rule is just in case you have some sort of a bad reaction either to the anesthesia or from the surgery.  Chances are that you will be fine, but if you're not - you really will need someone. 

I do understand how you feel because at the time of my surgeries I lived alone too and I thought it was a pain in the butt that I had to impose on someone like this. I ended up staying the night with my brother and SIL and although I'm sure that I would have been fine on my own, I'm glad that I wasn't alone.  I didn't have any pain after surgery and I was completely mobile, but several hours after I got home, I had a nice spell of nausea from the anaesthesia and for most of that day & evening, I felt a just bit light headed and dizzy - that "not quite there" feeling.  So I was glad that I wasn't alone.  And while I'm fiercely independent, I also realized that if I'd had surgery and my brother wasn't there to watch over me for that first night, my family would have been worried.  So in the end it worked out for me and for my family.  By total coincidence, a couple of months later my brother had to go in for quick procedure under anaesthesia and he had the same rules.  I was able to return the favour - my SIL was there to stay with him overnight but I did the hospital pick-up and stayed with him all day.  Seeing him woozy after the anaesthesia, I was glad that I was there.  

Anonymous

Call your brother  

Hugs!

bkc

I say  take your brother up on his offer. It's better to be safe than sorry and he seems to be willing to do it so don't feel guilty. That's what family is for after all and I'm sure you would do the same for him if he ever needed it. Just be sure to let him know how much you appreciate him.

yulanda742003

u will b ok but sore and gravity may not b your friend for a couple days. i have my lump in rt breast and  mass in lft deep under nipple removed wed 2/11/09 still in pain not severe but need help with reaching and bending still swollen and taking lortab dr told me i would be sore about  1 wk some people 2wks it depends but i need 2 b carefull have stitche and strips

vhqh

I had to stay in the hospital overnight after after both  my lumpectomy and mastectomy but I felt fine and would have been ok at home.  My sister in law picked me up, drove me home and dropped me off.  I live alone and didn't have any problems staying alone, did not even need a pain pill after the mastectomy.  I did not have reconstruction and that can change things significantly.

roseg

Hospitals are pretty fussy about releasing you.

I had a D&C one time when my husband was out of town. I ended up keeping my son, a junior in high school out of school that day so he could drive me home. He didn't have a real license, just a learner's permit.

I was so anxious about it. I was OK for him to drive with me in the car with him, but the drive from the parking place to the front entrance where I got into the car was illegal. Thankfully nobody asked to see his license. He was great throughout the whole thing, and never once asked me what a D&C was or why I was having one.  I guess that's what the Internet is for.

I say call your brother. Your sister, who really should be helping you, sounds like a pain to deal with. As Beesie notes, you can feel sick later and it's better if someone is there to keep an eye on you. Plan on staying with your brother until about 24 hours after the surgery. About then I magically felt much better.

dlb823

Hi, Christina ~  You've already gotten great advice.  I just wanted to add that, while I know it's difficult to make a mind shift from being extremely independent to letting others take care of you for awhile, doing that would probably benefit your healing.  As women, we tend to think we can do it all, whether it's taking care of our families, or just being super independent.  It's in our nature!  But there are times in our lives, and surgery for bc is definitely one of them, when we really do need to ask for help, then relax and accept it.  And whomever you ask (other than maybe your clueless sister) won't be looking at it as a burden, but will probably get a lot of satisfaction from helping you.  Let the people who love you, whether it's family or friends, help you now.  If positions were reversed, you would want to be there for them, wouldn't you? 

blackjack

Christine.. I had a lumpectomy and SNB and I stayed in the hospital for 23 hrs. I have had bad reactions to anaesthesia in the past so they kept me over night to watch me. Pain and nausea is very common post surgery so it is a good idea to have someone there to help if need. I would call your brother as he sounds like an angle to help you through this. Best of luck on your up coming surgery. Hugs to you.

blackjack

Maire67

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Anonymous

Christine - I live alone as well and my family lives hours away ...  I had a lumpectomy SNB and had a friend with me at the hopital and then she spent the night - she also happens to be an RN ..  my sister came the next day and even though my friend had to work in the morning she almost refused to leave until my sister arrived - my orders were to have someone with me for the first 24 hours after surgery.  My surgeon insisted that someone needed to be with me - and suggested in home help if I didn't have friends or family who could help.  

We just don't know what might happen following a surgery - and someone needs to be there since we're kinda out of it after the anesthesia and pain meds we're on.  

Good luck with your surgery.  

Hugs,

Doreen 

javagirl39

Thank you to everyone who replied and offered such great advice.

Even though my brother said yes right away, I asked him to check with his wife after all she is pregnant (with twins) and may not want to be alone herself overnight. I totally understand if he can't do it for that reason.

A friend of mine who knows my situation offered to be my backup and if, for some reason, he can't do it, I found out that I have another option to hire a PSW (personal support worker). There are several agencies recommended by the local Community Care Access Centre.

lvtwoqlt

Java, my experiences with anesthesia, I do get very nauseated after surgery. My husband is a truck driver and was not home when I had my exchange surgery but was expected home early the next morning. My mom took me to the hospital and took me to her house afterwords for supper, (I accidentally left my anti-nausea pills at my house) I ate and stayed on her couch for several hours woozy from the anesthetic. I was feeling fine and she took me home about 9:00 pm. about 30 minutes after she dropped me off, I got so sick, I wish I had someone there to help me to the bathroom. I took my meds after that but still felt nauseated for several hours. It is best to have someone there with you.

flfish

Java, I agree with the other ladies on the page.  It would probably be best if there is someone there with you.  I had the same surgery you are having, and I had no trouble at all.  But, it was nice knowing someone was there for me.  My husband went back to work the next morning, but I think it was important someone be there in case you have any complications.  I am sure your brother (or his wife) won't mind one bit.  Best of luck to you!

vivre

As everyone else said, you should not be alone. My recovery was painless and pretty easy, but you still need someone to be there. I basically slept. There was no hopital stay. We are released same day in the US, which was fine with me, because I feel better at home. You will feel like getting up, so it will be nice to have someone around to get you some tea.

As someone who understands unsupportive parents, I would not want to be around anyone at this time who would be negative. If you do not have a friend you feel close to, why not ask you doc if there is a BC survivors support group. No one can understand what you need better than someone who has gone through it. I know that  I would help someone in your postion, and I am sure other survivors would too.

The hardest part of bc was the emotional aspect. I came to realize that some of my suppressed anger towards my parents was probably feeding my cancer. While I was going through treatments, I walked an hour everyday, no matter the weather as a way to get my head together. After a few months of soul searching, I found a peace of mind, I had never had before. It was a long journey, but every step I took, led me to a better place. I hope that you too will find all the sunshine when you are finally able to walk out of this dark tunnel. I am so much happier with life now. My prayers to you, that you will feel the same.

LisaAlissa

It sounds like you've received great advice, so I'll leave that topic alone, but I wanted to suggest another pre-surgical preparation for you. 

Since you live alone, you may want to consider movement/pain limitations you may experience and prep your home w/ that in mind.  Your surgeon or a staff member should be able to give you this information in advance--you don't want to wait to get this information as you leave the hospital. 

For instance:

1.  if you're told that you are not to reach overhead, and there is something you use regularly in the kitchen that is kept in a high cupboard, consider pulling it down onto the counter (or into a lower cabinet/drawer). 

2.  if there are weight limitations (and there usually are) consider how you can divide things up so that you can continue to function...for instance, if your laundry detergent is in a heavy bottle or box, consider pre-packaging some "single-use" portions for your recovery. 

3.  will you need to sleep w/ your arm elevated, you may want to consider what sort of pillows, etc. you have around the house and arrange to have what you'll need.   

4.  if you will want small ice packs for partial pain control, make sure you have them and they're in the freezer when you get home.

5.  are you advised to keep a small pillow or cushion between your arm and chest?  If so, make sure you'll have one (my breast center gave one to me at my pre-surgical planning session).

Those who live with others have the luxury of relying on them when something comes up...but if you live alone, you will need to plan things out in advance. 

Best wishes and luck to you!

LisaAlissa