Finished treatments now what?

cdean

I finished my chemo and Radiation treatments and now I feel as though I've jumped off a cliff.  I'm not sure what to do anymore...I managed to get to my next appointments all the way through and focused on getting better but now that I haven't any more appointments, I feel really lost.  I'm not sure where to go from here.  I find myself feeling very anxious and worried that my cancer will come back and I won't know it.  I have aches and pains as my body recovers from my treatments and am worried that it is more than just getting back to normal.  I have spoken to my both my oncologist and family docs.  They say my feelings are very normal and it will take time to get used to the "new normal".  Does anyone else know what I'm feeling?

dianeh1954

Hey, I had chemo from Dec 2007 through May 2008.  Then I had radiation for six weeks beginning in June 2008.  I was off work from September 2007 when they detected my breast cancer in both breast.  I had a double mastectomy and had alot of positive nodes.  I went back to work July 28th.  Lucky for me my boss held my job.  The feelings you are having are so normal.  My arms and hands still tingle all the time and wake me up at night with the numb feeling.  I really don't think this will ever go away.  The surgeon said it will probably be something that I will have to get use to.  You and I both know that our lives will never be the same again.  Both I can tell you that the thought of dying never entered my mind.  I REFUSE!   Even though, when you are going through chemo you feel like you are knocking on the door, it's not an option.  I had a MRI and a pet scan in November 2007 and I was clear.  I go back to my oncologist March 4th and I know I will be scheduled for a scan.  I don't look forward to that, just because of the anxious feeling you have.  I know how you feel, but please know everything will be fine.

Hugs,

Diane 

AimeeFaye

Hi cdean....I think you have been reading my journal!   While I am at a different stage of this disease, you and I (and MANY others I understand) are experiencing that walk through wonderland after treatment. We had felt some degree of control over this disease and now what?  We find a way to LIVE AND wait and see.  I finished chemo in December and started on Tamoxifen and have now entered the wonderful world of menopause...with hot flashes and bouts of sadness.  But I share your feelings and concern.  There are a number of things I am finding that work for me to stay in balance...firstly, I need to acknowledge my fears and I journal them.  No point in hiding them from myself, they just creep up when I am not looking!  I need to talk to others with similar situations...this is a great web site!  But I also need to talk to someone who knows about my cancer who can help me put things in perspective.  While I don't expect my oncologist to deal with the emotions of cancer, I do get as much factual information from her as I can.  And, I am lucky to have a social worker attached to my health file who can help me understand what the oncologist said and than can also help with my emotional needs.  I am on the hunt for a good psycologist cause I firmly believe that over 70% of health is in the head!  I try to stay focussed on my short short term goals, and sometimes those are the ones I have for today.  I do not let myself stay in bed or continue with behaviours that I know are depressing. I sometimes have to yell "stop" to myself when then thoughts are taking me down the "what if" roads that I have been on before.   And this isn't an easy thing to do on my own!  I have gathered a support network of friends and family and they were really IN my life at the beginning of the diagnosis but have now gone on to live their lives...SO I have to ASK them for what I need....I am the one who has to make the phone calls even when I would rather not talk to any one.  I keep a daily record of how my body is feeling and how I am emotionally.  I keep a daily journal of who I talked to and what thoughts are going through my head when I am not looking....these tend to be fears and agendas that need to be addressed.  I know journaling is not for everyone, but this kind of daily self care mostly keeps me aware of what's going on with myself...and if I am feeling sad I have some insight.  I've posted a similiar question as yours in another thread (the one that deals with metastatic bc) and hope for some insights from others.  I also need to start a bc support group in our local community...I don't want to faciliate it but I know a support group of bc survivors is a critical piece missing from my life.  And, like I inferred, even after doing each of these behaviours, I sometimes still end up scared and blue...and that's when I start asking about whether or not an anti-depressant med is warranted.  I am still trying to decide on that one, so will follow the responses to your question and mine, and hope to hear from others.  Knowing that others have road on this roller coaster and suvived helps me realize that "this too shall pass."  And for me personally, I need to be DOING ...doing for myself and others....sometimes the doing for me is related to bc research but sometimes it is about starting to do something new that interests me. Like you said, deciding what this "new normal" looks like on a day to day basis.  What a journey!  Please keep sharing... it can be really grounding.  Hugs, prayers and best wishes,

Debra M.

KKing

Hey cdean

I am like you right now.  Finished chemo in September and rads in November. I am now on tamoxifan for 5 years.  I felt like what do I do now... what is the next step.  When I asked my onc...so what do I do now... he said .. go live your life and if you have a problem then call me, otherwise I will see you in 6 months.  I have to admit I was like a lost puppy.  So far I have joined into the Healing Journey which is offered through Princess Margaret hosptial and the wellspring centre... I am not sure where you live as I am in ontario.  I am researching a naturpathic doctor right now,  I think that I need to create a new way to  live healthy for me and that is what I am hoping for.  

Best wishes

Karen

karen1956

Cdean - does your onc plan on continued follow up visits?  My BS follows patients every 6 months till year 2, then goes to annual visits forever, but will stay at every 6 months if the patient requests.  Onc also follows patient every 3 months till year 3, then every 6 months and after 5 years annually.  I would talk to your BS and onc to see what their protocol is.

lexislove

Boy I'm glad to have found this thread.

I did all my treatment, and finished Herceptin Nov 17 2008, port out Nov 25. Felt good. Christmas holidays was good, my best friend came for New Years.Then Last MondayI had my first 3 month check with my onc. I have not been back to that hospital in 2 months. I thought I was strong, but I was a wreck.My exam was good, bloodwork fine. It's been 1 week now and I've cried everyday. I KNOW I need to go for my checks, but it brings so much anxiety and fear. I couldn't sleep 2 days before the appointment because of anxiety.

So yesterday I went to my family physician and she perscribed me with Effexor. I really didn't want to take any more "meds" but I feel like I have no choice right now. I'm just trying to get my life back. I hope I won't have to be on the anti depressants for more than a year, but we'll see. I hope my next 3 month check is more "doable"

cdean

Thanks so much for your responses...it's good to know that I'm not going completely crazy.  I have been in touch with my family doc who has prescribed something to help me sleep or should I say, stay asleep.  The hot flashes wake me up constantly and once it's passed, it seems that the all the what if's pop into my head.  The doc is trying to determine whether not sleeping is making me weepy or if I' acutally falling into a depression. (apparently is very common)  I also am waiting to be contacted by a social worker who is to put me in touch with a phsycologist (sp??).  My last visit with my oncologist, I just fell apart...it seems whenever I actually talk to anyone in the health field, I fall apart.  I guess the reality of it all hits me.  My next scheduled appointment is in April.  I will have a mamo prior to this visit but until then, they tell me to go home, live my life, feel better and if anything comes up, let them know....well, I didn't know the first time and perhaps that's why I feel like I do. Sorry for the rant but thanks for the shoulders. 

lexislove

cdean

I KNOW exactly what you are going through. When I was diagnosed I was in the best shape. I had my daughter 2 years before and had lost 30 lbs1 Felt great ..then WHAM!

So NOW, that I'm feeling good again, I sometimes think well what if.....the whole cancer is a complete mind game. And now, I've finally given in to anti deressants. I was not sleeping at all. Not because of hotflashes, but because I could not shut of my mind. I would wake up 4x a night. I could not go any longer like this. It's only been a few days on Effexor, but I have noticed that I'm more calm.