Starting Chemo February 2009?

apple

aaaw Terri - have you talked to your onc about pain medication?  I take a very light dose of hydrocodone that has totally given me my life back.. being relatively pain free does wonders for the brain and attitude.

Jaimieh

Terri~ Sweetie your not a downer ((bighugs)).  Apple is ABSOLUTELY right about being pain free.  If I am having a really bad day I will take a pain pill at night and it does WONDERS for the pain and for my mood.  It really is difficult to face a day when you have been in pain for weeks on end and there has been no relief.  I have TE pain, neuropathy and I get out of bed like I am 80 instead of 32 and I'm telling you if I get a good night sleep I can face everything.  I would take some pain pills and see if you can get some relief. 

KerryMac

Terri - I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. See if your Onc can refer you to a therapist. She could find out if you are actually clinically depressed and prescribe something, or you could just use her as someone to talk to about all the s**t. It is totally normal to feel like this at the end of treatment. Remember how much you have been through, and are still going through.  There is also a book I read called "After Breast Cancer" by Hester Hill someone, I have found it useful.

There is no need for you to be suffering like this, I am so glad you posted.

Gramof3

Terri  Here's a (((hug))) and a (((cyber shoulder))).   You are way ahead of me in finishing chemo, so I haven't walked over that thresh-hold yet, but my heart goes out to you.  It seems that every phase of this journey (dx, surgery, tx, and on and on) involves a whole new range of adjustments, emotions, and stresses--then when we move on to the next phase, we start adjusting again.  I agree with Kerry, Jaimieh and Apple about the meds--whatever we can do to get us through this crap is a good thing.   Thinkin' about ya!   Helen

Denali

Terri:  please know that your feelings and what you're going through is totally NORMAL!  I've read about it and am experiencing the same thing already and my last chemo isn't until next Monday.  Read my post a couple pages back as I wrote about it and the outpouring of like feelings did me wonders.  Our lives have been consumed by cancer--first the diagnosis, learning about it, drs appts, chemo, side effects, learning how to prevent side effects---and then it just stops.  We're left with getting off the cancer treadmill, filling the space in our lives that cancer filled and our feeling/fears.  I'm already worrying about recurrence.  Just the thought of going to the oncologist or getting tested in future months to see if cancer has returned, and I burst out crying.  How am I going to get through my last chemo and the dr exam next Monday??

So I just now made an appt with a therapist.  I called the American Cancer Society for a referral to a therapist who specializes in cancer patients.  I found one and she's across town, but as my daughter said, "What else do you have to do, Mom??"  I'm retired so I have the time and I sure need it these days.  I haven't even had my last chemo and I'm already depressed.  I already take Celexa (anti-depressant) so I think the therapy will help.

My appt is for tomorrow morning so I'll let you know how it goes.  Hang in there!  You're not alone!

xpectmiracles

(((Terri))) If you can't complain here, where can you complain? I can relate to the side effects of chemo not going away as fast as we would like. I was so discouraged when I was weaker than I ever was after the last chemo; and I was supposed to be "done?" HA We need to pull together and keep each other up. I need to keep telling myself, "this won't last forever".

I went to the PS today and he marked the borders of the redness around the left breast incision and switched my antibiotics. If it is no better tomorrow he wants me in the hospital for IV antibiotics. I knew I had a higher risk of infection 'cause my WBCs were low before surgery. My chemo is a gift that keeps giving, and giving, and giving...

living4today

Terri,

I am so sorry to hear that you are experiencing the normal let down after chemo.  I have a friend, who just finished chemo a month or so back and she is experiencing the same thing...she stated that the oncologists told her this was a very normal response.  Hang in there!!!!!  You are doing a lot of good things for your body by walking and eating good.  I agree with all the other gals who posted...let your oncologists know...meds, therapy, etc...whatever works to get through this...

Denali

Here's a good article about life after cancer:

http://www.webmd.com/breast-cancer/guide/life-after-breast-cancer-treatment

In part it says the following:

How long after breast cancer treatment ends can you expect fatigue, "chemobrain," and other post-treatment side effects to persist? Everyone's different, of course, but as a general rule of thumb, Weiss tells her patients to expect a recovery period about the same time from your first "cancer scare" moment to the date of your last treatment. So if you found a lump or had a suspicious mammogram in April, and had your last radiation treatment in December, it may be August or September of the following year before you reach your "new normal."

Grace4me

I am glad to hear that I'm normal too....while some things are going well 3 and a half weeks out, I still hurt a lot after working all day. Its rare when i do much around the house.

Apple: the hair I have does not yet cover my scalp, I look awful. The side are coming in downy white and the middle is coming in dark.  You look beautiful!!

All keep me in your prayers, tomorrow I go for my exchange surgery and to get the port out. I have to be there at 5:30 AM. I think because I had such a very hard time my last surgery,(BM and TE) that it has spooked me for this one. I am scared. 

MicheleS

Terri~ big, big {{hugs}}.  What you are feeling is totally normal but that doesn't make it any easier, does it??  I would second (third) the recc for a good counselor (and anti-depressants!!!).  Also, I read a book called "Crazy, Sexy Cancer" by Kris Carr.  I found it empowering to read that my feelings are normal and it also gives great tips for living life.

Grace~ prayers for you!!!  Please check back in after your surgery (when you are able) to let us know how you are doing!!

Bethie1

Teri!!   Here's a big hug from your fellow furie!!! Also, a shoulder to cry on to let it out!! It's OK to have a down day; you can't be up all the time. We furies are here for you!!!

Judy--My toenails are loose on the sides, and thankfully they haven't fallen off, but my fingernails are brittle.  Is it possible if you cut the other toenails so they don't fall off. I cut my fingernails short and that seemed to help.  it's only an idea if you want :P)

Cheryl--Hope you feeling better soon!! 

Hugs to everyone!!

gcpommom

Bethie: Thanks, I did keep them very short, but it didn't matter because the nail started dying and lifting from the bottom, and worked its way up; the top portion of the nail was the last to let go.  It simply died.  The idea behind cutting them is so that you don't snag the nail and yank it off before it's ready.  I used a bandaid to be double sure I wouldn't do that!  I wonder why some of the nails are affected, and others aren't?  Weird.

Terri:  Big Hugs to you!!!  I do hope that coming here and talking to us will help you through this....post as often as you need to, we're here for you! 

Still tired and headachy today.....Tomorrow is gonna be a long day....son's class picnic during morning/afternoon, and then chemo in the late afternoon....#9 out of 12....getting so close now!

Hugs

Judy

jancie

Terri42 - hope the joint pain lessens somewhat.  I am on morphine for the pain - had my last Taxol last Wednesday and still am having problems moving around and still taking pain meds 24/7.

I am getting to be a pro at whining so feel free to join my club!  I so understand the depression and the desire to forget about the cancer but it is hard when it is staring you in the face all of the time.  I will be so glad to some hair back because as long as I am bald I will be constantly reminded that I have cancer.

((((( Hugs)))))

jancie

Apple - love the picture of your hair!!!  I want hair too!

I don't care what color, texture, curly or straight - just grow!!!

Gramof3

Hey Furies--guess what?  I'm starting to grow hair!  Fluffy, almost invisible, baby duck hair!  Woo hoo!  Helen 

Gramof3

Also, Webbie--Still waiting on the stories about Auntie and Monkey...quit holding my breath as dark blue doesn't become me...PLEASE share.  Night all.  Helen

Jaimieh

I go tomorrow at 1pm to see the PS from my description on the phone she thinks that I am feeling the edge of my expander.  I sure hope and pray she is right. 

 Grace~ Prayers for you on your surgery tomorrow.  I hope it is a nice and smooth "drive thru" surgery for you. 

Jancie~ I am with you don't care what color etc.. I just want hair.

Speaking of hair I have some duck fuzz but I have a couple of long strands and they are curling up.  It's funny I pull on them and watch them curl back into my head...lol...  Simple things entertain me these days.  I can't wait until I have enough hair that my head is not cold all the time. 

I hope everyone is doing well with minimum side effects. 

Bethie1

Hey gang!! I'm seeing more fuzz on my head now too.  Cool!!

Judy--how come you have 12 chemos to do; I had 8.  Does the number of chemos depend on type and stage of cancer? I thought the standard was 8 --see I learned something once again!

Jaimeih-I've had minimal side effects throughout;I'm lucky and/or blessed!! Fatigue and queasy mostly, slight arthrithic feeling, but went to gym today and did treadmill 30 minute at 3 mph at a 4.5 inch incline--boy did I feel it when I finally sat down for the evening at 8pm!!

gcpommom

Bethie:  I had 4 AC DD, and was supposed to have 4 Taxol DD, but doc switched it to 12 Taxol weekly, which is about the same difference, just lower doses so easier to manage se's.  It had nothing to do with my stage, but rather the fact that I had so much trouble on AC, they just thought the weekly dose would be easier on me. 

Helen:  Hooray for Hair!  Now the next fun thing is to sit in front of a fan....it tickles when it blows the little duck hairs!  It felt so good to feel something on my head, I love when the fan blows it around! (Like Jaimie said, simple things....)

Grace:  I missed your earlier post....you're probably sleeping now with that early appt tomorrow.... I hope you sail through your surgery tomorrow.

Goodnight all

Judy

KerryMac

Oh, Judy, I have noticed that too with my hair!! When I move around I can feel the wind on it! It feels so nice. As you say, small things.....! My scalp is now noticeably darker where my hair is, so it is growing, albeit slowly.Hope your Chemo goes OK today, you are so getting near the end. yah for you!!

Grace - good luck today! All these perky boobies you guys are going to have!!

Jaimie - glad the "bump" is just that. This is going to be our life now, every bump and pain is going to freak us out.

Jancie - sorry you are still having so much pain. I have annoying remnants from the Taxatore too.

Well, I started Tamoxifen last night and didn't explode.... Will let you know if I feel anything. Off for my first Rads this afternoon, will let you know how that goes too.

apple

i never lost all my hair this round of chemo.. it slowly is filling in after my ridiculous prechemo cut.

i was crying last nite.. cause it actually looks like hair.. who'd a thunk it would be so important?

xpectmiracles

I started on tamoxifen a couple weeks ago and I have no side effects that I can tell.!

I think I have less rednesson my breast today. We'll see what Dr thinks.

Grace, I'm thinking of you today!

Terri42

THANK YOU all for the support!  I'm really glad you are all out there!

I saw my onc today - she really wants me to start taking Neurontin for the pain so I'm going to give in and do it. Drugs, drugs, drugs...whatever!  I also spoke with the Social Worker who recommended some therapists - I think this will help too since I'm tired of telling everyone around me!  I'd rather tell someone who I don't have to worry about them worrying about me - you know what I mean?

Grace - I'm on the list for the exchange in 2 weeks so I'm eager to hear how that went for you - hope all is well!!!!!!

Denali - anxious to hear about your appt.  I'm going to make one today!  Thanks for the article too.

I'm also a fellow baby bird/peach fuzz head with the rest of you - it's funny to read the descriptions!

Thanks again guys - and try to have a good day!

Jaimieh

Okay back from the PS and my "bump" is the expander sticking out....whooo....  I get to see her again in 15 days

Terri~ Therapist are great you can tell them anything and you don't have to worry about what they think about you for saying it.  I just got released from mine last week but she sure did help me a lot. 

xpectmiracles

thank goodness, Jaimieh! I'm happy for you.

Denali

Jaimieh - WOOOO HOOOOO!  So glad to hear your bump is just the expander!  Ahhhhh....peace of mind, huh?

I had my appt with the therapist this morning and it went great.  I was a little scared because yesterday everytime I even thought about going in and spilling out my fears, I'd break down crying.  I got up this morning and wouldn't let myself shed a tear by distracting myself.  Also took a Xanex---love those little things!

She's a wonderful therapist (psychologist with PhD) who has not only led BC support groups but has had BC herself twice!  Here are some of the helpful things she said:

• --Like me, she had said after her first chemo, that she could never go through it again if she had a recurrence. But 7 yrs later, she did! And got through it fine a second time.
• --She suggested making a list of all the things I've gained thru cancer--like meeting amazing chemo buddies, support from this board, wonderfully kind nurses, etc.
• --I told her I'm thinking of having a 2nd mastectomy for preventative purposes.  She said In a support grp one woman couldn't decide whether to have a 2^nd mastectomy after chemo.
• Another woman said, "What are you waiting for, to get it again? Do it."  And she did.
• --Fear (of recurrence) is like living with a dragon. You learn to live with it. After months or years there will be weeks that go by, that you don't even think of it.

Anyway, it was a wonderful session and I didn't cry a fraction as much as I thought I would.  I have another session scheduled Thursday so that it's before my last chemo next Monday and the oncologist appt that has me so shook up.  I'm feeling much better about it already.  I HIGHLY recommend a therapist, if you think you need it!

Jaimieh

Thank you for celebrating with me   Now I just have to get a effraction rate over 50 tomorrow.  I am pretty confident it will happen. 

 Cheryl~ How is that expander ???

Terri~ Are you on the H train for the rest of the year ??  What day is your exchange ??  I go in June 17

Linda~ Isn't it wonderful to talk to someone without worry about how they feel or what they think ?  I thought it was the best part about therapy.  I highly recommend it to anyone even those people without BC. 

So how is everyone else doing ??  Michele are you feeling better ??  How many more do you treatments do you have ??  Apple I don't think hair is overrated and I will never take it for granted again  

MicheleS

whoo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jaimieh!!!!!!!!!!! what a relief!  Good luck tomorrow!  (My ef was 62 so I hear ya on that worry.)

Grace4me

Thanks to all the thoughts and prayer...God is still in control.  I went into surgery at 7:30 this am and was home at 1:00 pm. I am in NO pain. The surgery went very smooth, I was not nauseated, no sore throat, not even any weaker then before.  I actually fee better now then if I had worked all day. The implants are so very much softer and I notice that the rib pain is gone. My PS also took out my q-port and revised the scar! No bra and tomorrow I can take a shower. I was so scared before this surgery, but for no reason. I think because of all we have been through I was afraid that all that I have gained in the last 4 weeks was going to be taken away, but it is not. Of course I am a little sore, but not in pain.

Again, Thank you all!!

Beverly11

I am glad that you have had a lot of response Terri.  Great that you are looking into getting some type of councelling.  Don't rush yourself.  This is such an enormous monster that we are all dealing with.  Those individuals who pressure us or think that we should be over it when our treatments are done are to be ignored.  Walk a day in our shoes.   Sometimes, it is scary to tell those we know how we really feel with all of this.  There is no time limit to this.  It is a grieving process.  We are all different.

Take Care

Bev