Online dating

Anonymous

Oh gosh, sometimes you meet some nice ones and sometimes you don't even want to meet some of the ones that you start emailing!

One guy sent a nice email, which I answered.  Then he emailed me again with a few more questions and I answered them.  Then he emailed me again with questions like, "what are you looking for in a mate that you didn't before?"  .. I felt like it was e-Harmony all over again.  So instead of answering, I emailed him back some basics --- what do you do for a living, where do you live.

I got a copy and pasted letter of the one he originally sent. 

So, I sent him back a letter with the highlighted part that was new info, otherwise I told him it was verbatim the same letter and that he must be copying and pasting letters to ladies he is meeting online.  And that he left out the part about where he lives.

And here's how he answered his "What do you do for work?"

"As for work, I am an Area Manager for a company that owns a network of computer based testing centers where we contract to deliver computer based exams for professional licensing and certification markets (doctors, nurses, stockbrokers, etc.) as well as in the state based regulatory market (insurance, appraisers, cosmetologists, etc.) I manage 5 managers who cover the western region from the Rockies to the South Pacific and South America. So I get to travel a bit from time to time as well. Kind of have some choice places to go from like Vegas, Seattle, San Diego, Salt Lake City, Honolulu just to name a few"

Does that look like copy and paste? or what?  I am not going to email a person back and forth and back and forth ...  I am not into this guy, we are done before starting. I am not into being "interviewed" and he is copying and pasting replies.  What a jerk.

mzmiller99

Rocktobermom - it's so hard to tell the wheat from the chaff on line.  How can we ever know if they're for real? 

 I've checked out some sites and just got so discouraged.  As you say, most of them, I would not like to meet!!  And there certainly aren't any catches up here in the hill, either.  Good Glory...where are they all??

A good looking doll like you should have no trouble finding a guy!   

(Just a corny reference to"Guys and Dolls"! One of my favorite musicals.)

Jaybird627

GAWD! How timely. I was just lamenting how lonely I am and how awful on-line dating has been for me lately! I give up, I truly do. I think that I will never again have another 'relationship' and will have to rely on myself for company. What the HELL is wrong with men nowadays??? And it's across the board - the younger one and the older ones ALL want to have group sex or they want Ms. Perfect when they themselves are very much less-than perfect. I don't get it. I've tried all ages and none are better than the other. I'm not that bad and I actually like sex so you'd think I'd find a guy who is looking for more than a one-night stand but no they are into playing around (a lot) or they have mega baggage that no one wants to get near. I'm done trying - next in line, please!

Calif-Sherry

Jaybird, I LOVE your post.  It's funny cause I had responded to rocktobermom and mzmiller but accidentally deleted it.  Online dating sucks!!!  The guys are creeps and/or losers.  I have tried them all, including golfmates.com.  I'm done with that online stuff.  I'll have to meet him somewhere else. 

While, I do get very lonely, i continue to do the things that brings me joy.  And I have a coupla giuy friends that i can do things with.  Oh, by the way, I am in Costa Rica right now.  I came here alone and having a great time.  I brought my laptop with me.  I'm having a great time (although it would be better with a companion; nonetheless, I'm having a great time)......

Jaybird627

Sherry, I'm all for being with just myself and/or my daughter but I so miss the companionship of a man who I am physically attracted to! I went through chemo and rads and chemopause and I am now back in the saddle but with no horse to ride! I want to live a little more before I die, ya know? I'm finally horny for the first time in years (since my dx/tx) and I can't find an attractive man who will have me on a regular basis. What is wrong with this picture?

mzmiller99

Jaybird627 and Calif-Sherry  The last time I tried Match.com, I found two local guys on there, one of whom I had dated in high school and tried to get interested in again  a few years ago.  Well, when I read what they had written about themselves, I almost wet myself laughing!!   They made themselves sound real prizes!  Too funny!  But, then I realized probably the rest of the guys do the same thing.  Bummer.

Maybe we could hang out at Home Depot or Lowe's and look for a manly man!

Calif-Sherry - are there no men in CA?  Or Cost Rica?  That is depressing.

Susan 

Anonymous

I hesitate to add my two cents because I finally had a successful "hit" with online dating and, after almost 9 months, it's still going strong. All I can say is that the online thing can definitely be exhausting and often calls for one to step back for a while for a bit of recovery. But unless Home Depot or Lowe's really does appeal to you, online is one of the very few avenues available to single people who want to find a partner. And, so, just like the lottery, you can't win unless you buy a ticket!

~Marin

Anonymous

I have to second FitChiks comments about online dating.

I was very hesitant to try the online thing but it was "MY" winning lotto ticket!!!!!!!! About 8 months ago an wonderful man came into my life from one of those sites and everyday I is a blessing with him!!!!!

 This man is the man Ive always looked for but never believed I would ever find....so ladies keep trying and looking....you have to weed out the bad from the garden to make it beautiful!!!!

I know, I know, I sound like someone living with Rose Colored glasses and ya, maybe I am, because I too remember how awful dating was, but I really think the right one is out there for everyone and sometimes it just takes a bit to find each other.

I truely hope none of you give up....you all deserve to be happy....

Hugs

Jule

mzmiller99

You guys give me hope, but maybe I'm just too old and crotchety to find someone. 

Calif-Sherry

Hey girls, I posted this long note the other night, then it just disappeared!!!

California, at least not in Sacramento, are there men!   Here, in Costa Rica, I haven´t seen any.  My therapist tells me that I´m not looking.  Yeah, right....I like the Home Depot idea.  Although, I probably intimidate guys because of my independence and my self-reliance.  I think I need to be more the kind that needs a guy to do a favor, you know, like change the ceiling fan bulb.  Sh*t, I don´t know. (how about sexual favor) hehehe. 

  Well, I did meet this guy before Christmas at a friend´´s going away party.  Good God, he has the tightest body.  He does spinning (you know that cyclying thing) every day at the gym.  Damn....  I´m not kidding.  It was quite interesting.  We met, and I started talking about golf and he took me out to his car to show me his clubs (really).  He let me swing his driver and he said he liked the way I swung it.  Don´t laugh, I´m serious!   The guy is fantastic in bed, ALL the moves, etc.  I kid you not. didn´t think I would ever meet anyone better than the last one.

Okay, now the catch, he´s BROKE!!! BUSTED!!!  In debt up to his ears, and his divorce was just final on 12-31-08.  My word for this year is ¨¨transition¨´.  There is lots of transition in my life right now.  For example, new church, new job, letting go of last guy.  I believe that this is a =transition= relationship.  I´m not looking for love from him, but good sex.  I have NO expectations as far as it developing.  None at all.  I call it  "helping a sista out"; if you know what I mean. 

 PS = MzMiller, that is soooooooo funny about the guys from high school.  I betcha i looked like a retard here in the internet cafe falling out of my chair laughing...

mzmiller99

Calif-Sherri - Did I read about an earthquake in Costa Rica?  Can I assume you weren't involved?  Booo to broke and busted!  Woo hoo to great sex...wait!  I think I can almost remember what that is.  However, it was in the last decade, not this one!! 

OMG!  That's a sad thing.

Jaybird627

Sherry, have all the great sex you can while you can because you never know when you're going to get it again! I've found only a few great lovers in my life time (three to be exact) and I've have many, many lovers. Enjoy that great body of his but don't give him any money!

Anonymous

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Jones

Adult Dating

Anonymous

The Moderators will be notified that we have a spammer/solicitor. Go away, a$$hole! You've got to be pretty sick to be lurking on a breast CANCER board!

~Marin

KAK

Jeez, Marin, I'm glad I missed the spammer above!

I just popped in to say I finished my stint with online dating a few years back & it was definitely an experience that provided me with some good, funny stories, even if it did not provide me with a great relationship that lasted more than 6 months.

First of all, I discovered that guys who are actually less than 5'11" tall will lie like rugs about their height.  I'm just under 5'10" & I specified that I wanted at least to be able to "see eye-to-eye" with any dates, and these guys STILL lied.  As if I wouldn't figure that out as soon as we both stood up!  It was incredible!!!  Generally, the shorter guys won't claim to be over 6', so it's that gray area between 5'9" & 6' that you have to worry about.  Guys who are actually over 6' tall don't have to lie, so if a guy admits to being 6'1" or more, he probably is.

Also, guys will claim to be "fit" if they've signed up for a healthclub membership at any time in the past 20 years.  It doesn't matter if they've ever used the healthclub.  I did try to spare these guys from embarassing themselves.  I really did!   I said in my profile that I was a physical therapist, so I could tell right away if someone was actually fit or not, but that didn't stop them from embellishing!  Also, there were a lot of massage jokes about my being a PT.  In fact, being a PT sort of guaranteed lots of responses on the dating site.  So, if things are slow for you on Match.com, just lie and say you're a PT.  Anyway, all that led to a few meetings with guys who were so obviously & completely unacquainted with lifting anything heavier than a coffee mug, it was really almost sad that these guys thought they'd get away with it.

Basically, if a guy emails back in a tone like he's having a real conversation with you, he's probably okay.  And OTOH, if you get even a whiff that something is off, it most definitely IS & probably a lot moreso than you even suspect.

I met & dated some very nice guys from the experience, but it was exhausting frankly & maybe it's being a Baby Boomer, but I do find men around my age to be completely baffled by their own midlife issues.  I would give them credit for at least wanting to meet me, a peer, rather than some 25 year old chica, but boy, if they haven't got their sh*t together by the age of about 50, they ain't likely to get it together ever!  Oh, I could write a book!

I did have some great sex during the whole experience, which is saying something.  Actually, the older I've gotten, the better the sex has been, which probably says more about me than anything else.  Then there was the fling with the cupcake who was 18 years younger than me when I was in my late forties  --  I'll save that story for another time!

Love & hugs,

Kathi

Calif-Sherry

MzMiller, Costa Rica was wonderful.  I was on my way there when the earthquake happened.  But, had a wonderful time.  I've decided to treat myself to good times.  And, that's what I've beend doing.  With regard to my BROKE friend, believe me, that's his problem.  Although, the last guy that I dated picked up the tab for everything.  So, this is really hard.  Actually, I find myself having an attitude about him and his situation.  If it wasn't for the sex, he'd be history.  Thank goodness that he lives far enough away that I can see him when it is necessary.  If you know what I mean.  hehehe.....  Okay, hope alls well with you guys.

Anonymous

Sherry, that's great you went to Costa Rica ..... I love going on vacation ... was missing a man to carry all the luggage but then I bought luggage with wheels!!

mzmiller99

Sherry - Good for you, sister!~  Sounds like you are in a very good place! 

Glad you're safe and glad you have a friend to see when necessary!  Tee Hee.

Mel-CA

Hi ladies, just signed up, did not know about this wondeful group

Have anyone here tried meet up groups, check  http://www.meetup.com/ check a meet up group in your area, like single group, travel group and so on, I did join some, but was so busy to go to their meetings

Question = if you have already passed treatment, reconstruction and somehow look fine, do you have to tell "him" the truth, liek me for example, I had DCIS in 2007 and have spend 2008 doing breasts reconstruction (had bilateral mastectomies and one nipple out), I only need to get a nipple then I'm done, hopefully, I mean even Pam Andreson had some scars in her breasts, so why should we tell them the truth at the very begining, why we just not tell the guys we had some augmention done, lol

Anonymous

Mel....I think that it is imperative that you do & tell exactly whatever makes the most sense to you and makes you the most comfortable! There is absolutely no reason in the world why you should feel compelled to tell a new dating partner anything about your medical history. I mean, if you had diabetes or irritable bowel syndrome, you wouldn't feel the need to share that, would you? Somehow we women get the idea that our boobs are partially our men's possessions and nothing is farther from the truth! So I say go ahead and tell him you had augmentation....or tell him absolutely nothing!

~Marin

mzmiller99

Marin - Did see that Heather Blocklear is gone?

Mel-CA

You are funny Fitchik, you are absolutely right, but I also was thinking down the road, why the heck should I tell him, ha ha, I mean this is in the past, would he actually tell me that he got some health problems 10 years back!, I was thinking of just saying that I had breast augmentation and got some infection and had to redo, but wonder how this will work if we both get very serious, should I or should I not tell him, this is a BS, I have already lost my ex fiance for getting mastectomies, he wanted me to keep mt breasts and thought with my DCIS (he was a dr!) I would be OK with radiation, but I decided that I'm better off with bilateral mastectomies, anyway, I have not dated for 2 years, I'm still 37 !!, I want to go out and start dating, but I'm still not done, got to have one nipple done, then I will be fine, the truth is I'm terrified of dating, so not know what will happen and as the other ladies said, those online dating web sites are crappy, I thought I will try the meet up groups, may be they are better

Jaybird627

I'm still doing the on-line dating thing but have scaled back some just because I got burned out from always meeting someone new.

I'm trying to be budget conscious so I'm on plentyoffish which is free and has actually been okay so far. I'm meeting a seemingly-normal man tonight for drinks. I'm intrigued by chemistry.com but it's expensive and after not-so-good results from eharmony (been on and off for years) I'm not sure I want to pay to find a date.

I did meet a nice guy on plentyoffish but he lives in another country. There was chemistry and we want to get together again but the distance thing will definitely factor in negatively unfortunately.

Sometimes it's just easier to saty home and watch tv.......

Anonymous

I hear ya, Jay, about staying home and watching TV. I got so burnt-out from the online thing that I took a break every once in awhile. For now, I have P and he is absolutely delicious, but if it ever ceases to be, I'll be back to the grind. I also found plentoffish very fruitful, but I eventually went through all of the guys who interested me (like 5 out of thousands, right? ). So I did join chemistry and voila...met P. I learned from him, however, that chemistry draws it's pool of guys from match, so you can do either. The problem with match, though, is that every crazy creep in the world is on there!

Ugh, what's a girl to do?!

~Marin

jdash

hi my friends -  i think online dating is a great way to get your feet wet and get back into the dating world  i met some great guys that way (and some not such great guys@ ! )  here is a story from one experience

so we sit here worrying do we talk about our bc to our dates, surgeries etc make us uncomfortable  well  i made a date with this guy on line   he looked really cute and had a beautiful house on the water and seemed really nice on the phone  we met at a nice restaurant  in he walks and greets me at the bar   he was wearing a coat and now he takes it off at the table and guess what- he had one arm  the other arm was misformed and just went to above the elbow  it must have been a birth defect-  and he says NOTHING about it  and he uses it to eat, etc etc  i didnt bring it up and we went out a couple of times - there was no love conection for me but it was not becos of his defect   now before bc i probably would have never considered dating him so bc has given me more of a respect for anyone having any challenges   we are the same beautiful women we were before this disease affected us and we just have to believe that and it will show shine thru you with everything you do   just believe....  anything is possible    there is someone special out there for each and everyone of us and we deserve it!~

Anonymous

Jdash...Great story! And an even better lesson! It made me think of how the guy would react to some shallow woman if he had met her and she freaked out because of his arm. He probably would have concluded that she was just that...a shallow bitch...and moved on. Yet WE obsess over the slights and take them to heart. It's not the guys who are creeps...no, it's that we are deformed and unattractive. Yes, a great lesson and one I know that I can use on an almost daily basis. If I just forget about myself and the impression I'm making, I'm thinkin' that I'll make a much better impression...and enjoy myself as a bonus!

~Marin

jdash

marin thanks for the reply   yes i thought it was a story worth repeating and I hope everyone else takes something away with it too!

Jaybird627

I give up! (again!)

I swear, I just can't meet a guy who is interested in me who (whome?) I'm also interested in!

There are lots of guys looking for sex. Okay, that's all good and fine because despite my menopause and such (a toddler, a house and two dogs) I still like/want (with some extra stimulation) sex.

But.

Why can't I find a guy who wants sex PLUS. Like, I want more than just a tumble between the sheets. Why are they wanting the 'next-best-thing' or worse wanting something I can give them (like free/cheap airplane tickets???) without giving me something in return?

Okay, so this is a rant. I thought I met a nice guy but he now wants me to get him a bargain on airplane tickets. Well, he could fly for FREE if he were my husb/significant other but he's not so should I really try to help him out after one encounter where he got off and I didn't? Nope.

This is why (I will state this over and over again) I use men to MY advantage (the younger ones mostly) as they try to use me. I will NOT survive BC, infertility, single motherhood to be taken advantage of by a man.

Am I wrong here?????

(yes, I met this one on-line as I do most of my 'dates')

Again, just venting.......