I think I reached rock bottom!

Ka-Loni

Hello, I am just feeling awful. I am sick with the Flu, and, I feel I have reached rock bottom again. Besides, having the Flu, I have been so depressed. BreastCancer has ruined me. I am just now realizing I am going to be alone. Believe me, No man wants to see whats under these clothes! He would fall backwards! My battle scars have left me alone in my life. I do know I am a beautiful person inside, but,unfortunately my scars get in the way of that. You know, I can say, I am not a ugly woman. But, men, all of them, do not flirt with me, or even want to be near me. Why? What have I done? Do my scars show through my clothes? Or, what. To top it off even better, I have a Left nipple that is completely dead. No feeling. There is nothing. I can not see a man ever getting close to me again. God, does not want me to love anymore. Only him. I may become a nun now.

This is all so very true. Can anyone relate to this? 

God Bless,

Kaloni 

Anonymous

Kaloni:  Sounds like you need a hand to pull you our of that black hole your in.  I think many of us have experienced the same thing you are feeling now at different times.  I received a CD from DebC with this song on it.  I play it alot...to remind me how beautiful we all really are.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41zWSpcU6Qc

Hugs to you.

Nicki

wishiwere

I would agree with Nicki, that your first should be to talk to someone trained in Breast Cancer therapy, about all of this.  It would be easy for us to say you are beautiful both inside and out, but we don't know, and you wouldn't believe it from where you are today.

Personally....I wonder iif it's a subconscious vibe you are sending out about you and who are you.  Not so much what you are, b/c yes, you are survivor, but it's hard to put that out there, without the underlining fear of how you feel deep inside.  I know I had those same feelings and it can easily drag you down.  Even dh still be attentive and 'wanting' me didn't help, I mean after all, he's stuck with me in a marriage right?  Not...it's his choice.  and there are men, you will meet down the road when you are more confident about yourself, trust me.

An example....I just started a new job.  It's nice to get those looks and compliments from men who don't know my history as well as those who do.  And hey!  At 50 it still feels great to turn a head or two  I'm NOT beautiful outside, but clean up pretty well   what I'm saying is, you need to get your mind around who you are again, not what your body may look like.  Talking to a trained therapist who's been there, or knows how to help is really what you need.

I have to say, that one that turned it around, was knowing dh was noticing the looks I get and while NOT be jealous, it helped me feel more confident in that way.  I hope this all makes sense dear friend....You will get through this part of the journey too, but do be kind to yourself and get some help in working through it.  Being alone is NOT the to do it.  Sharing can sometimes be all that is needed for us to look it from a different perspective. 

[[Hugs]]

mke

I suspect it is your depression showing through, not your scars. Like the others I urge you to talk to a therapist about this. Depression is possibly worse than cancer, and it is treatable.



Take care.

krissy09

I seen this post and just had to sign up! I feel like you were me! Since cancer I lost all but one friend. Everyone has deserted me. My kids are with me but it is not the same. My outlook on everything is excellent but I am lonely. It does NOT help when my husband lost his job along with his health insurance and didn't bother to get private insurance. (He sure got money for his DUI fast enough) So for my birthday my daughter and her husband got it for me. It will not be in affect for at least 2 or 3 more weeks. I had to cancel my appointment with the doctor and cancer care for my injections for zometa and faslodex. Not everything is all bad. My body looks so ugly to but I don't care. I would rather divorce my husband and not ever let anyone close to me again. I do NOT believe in love anymore. I just want to be alone and heal my mind and body. Any one out there with a "wonderful caring husband like mine". He won't even update our 16 year old mattress which hurts my back so much! And the cancer mets is in my back! I asked for a mattress for Christmas but changed that to insurance. Want to know what I got? A birthday card saying how much he loves me! Life does and WILL get better! He is a JOKE!