single and just diagnosed...help!

carlajane

i'm sure i'll reach a point that man problems will be an issue...right now i'm just worried about getting through treatment alone...i was diagnosed in october and had bilateral in november...first chemo treatment is january 14 (4xAC) followed by femara...i'm 56 yrs. young...have just moved to a new town and have met few people...live with my 18 yr. old daughter...have no idea what to expect from this treatment but can say that the male friends that i do have seem to have disappeared since my dx!...i need advice on wigs...SE...all of it!...my treatment center is 60 miles away...i moved to the country to live the "simple life" and boom!...God had other plans for me i guess...the hair thing is bothering me...i tried on wigs and didn't buy one...time is moving quickly and i need to get prepared...just can't seem to kick it into gear...not terribly depressed but very BLAH! 

shari1232

Sounds like you'll have a peaceful place for recovery, but the driving will be challenging.  You're allowed to be BLAH!  Vent and find information and companionship here and with those with whom you're connected IRL.  I have seen some women on this board dealing with outrageous man problems whilst trying to survive and thrive in spite of their "men". 

Anonymous

Hi CarlaJane! Welcome to the Singles board! We can give you whatever advice and support you might need since most of us have been (or now are) where you are now.

I will say that although it's been 3 1/2 years since chemo, I recall the hair terror like it was yesterday and now that my hair is in, I'm growing it until it stops on its own and the hell with whoever thinks it doesn't become my age (I'm 56 also!). I actually went ahead and picked out a wig (actually two..different lengths and cuter styles than my own hair would take) a week or so before my first chemo and when the fallout started (about Day 17), I was ready. I had had my hair cut pretty short, but had it totally buzzed by my wig lady when it began falling out. I just couldn't bear to let it fall out and scatter all over my pillow and shower. What amazed me was how much better I felt about it all once it was buzzed. While previously I was terrified (I even refused chemo at first because I couldn't bear the idea of baldness!), I felt actually much more in control of everything as soon as it was buzzed. I guess that taking control like that instead of letting the chemo dictate when it would wreck my hair gave me a sense of owning some power. It was cool. And after that, I never looked back. I plopped the wig on (using special double-sided tape because the thought of looking what, in my mind, was vulnerable appalled me) and went on as though all was normal. Even when my lashes and brows went (not until the very end of tx, caused by Taxol, so you shouldn't have to worry about that), I just learned how to expertly apply eyeliner to look as gorgeous as possible.

As for the rest...getting to your treatments, etc...I'd advise you to find someone (your 18-yr old?) to take you to the first infusion and then once you know how you'll feel, you can probably just drive yourself. Of course, my hospital is only about 22 miles or so from my home, so you'll have to see how tired you get. If you're also getting rads, you might ask if there's a radiological office closer to home where you can go or inquire about mammosite rads that are done within a week's time (I think?).

Most of all, CarlaJane, just know that youi'll do fine, that it all is completely doable, and that someday, not too far in the future, it will all be behind you and you can begin dealing with pesty things like men!

~Marin

emw

My ex, who's been very supportive and without prompting, told me that the inside is what counts.  He said that one breast, no breasts, or any other missing body parts, including hair, wouldn't make a difference as far as his attraction to someone with a good personality.

Bethie1

Carla Jane, I'm 38, and got diagnosed just before Christmas.  Of course, none of us women want this, but you are ALIVE!!!! You will meet people in time, and as for the men that up and leave when they find out your diagnosis; let them leave.  If they haven't grown up, you're better off with a few close girlfriends, then alot of older boys!!  You have your support group here too!!

lilith

Carla, it is doable.

And even in Chemo, life goes on... surprisingly so. Honestly, one never knows - and men are not a problem before or after.

You know, I was single at DX too - single since 5 years, separated with an ex living on another continent, living with my 12 yrs old daughter, and 43 yrs old. Geez I was totally scared, witless scared. Didn't have any other choice but pulling it together and keep going.

and you know what? I've met someone during chemo - and I don't know how, I was brave enough to say it, to explain, and he was sweet enough to stick around, to understand, to support... all during the end of chemo, recovery, reconstruction... and we are still together now.

Be brave Carla. The year in front of you will be difficult, but you will realize that it can be done. Your daughter will also be a tremendous support...