Overwhelmed

CJB33

This is my first time posting and I don't quite know what to say. My mom was diagnosed the week before I left for college. She had a double masectomy and is now in the middle of chemo. She has 11 treatments left and then she starts radiation. Its not that I'm scared; she is doing really well. Its that I'm tired. I don't know. It feels like my life centers around cancer. My aunt is dying from ovarian cancer right now and I'm just starting to feel like its closing in on all sides. I know that my aunt and mom's conditions aren't related. But its hard to go back and forth and actually see the differences. I guess Im at a point where Im just tired of cancer. Im sick of dealing with it and sick of it affecting me 24-7. I know how important it is to be there for my family. And I have been keeping a brave face for a couple months now. Its just getting more and more difficult. thats all. My feelings are nothing compared to the actual cancer patients. What they are dealing with is so much worse. Is it selfish of me to feel like this? How tired can I possibly be compared to my mom and aunt. Idk.

I hope that everyone out there is doing well and that their family members are making it through. 

Jadai

There are so many of us out there feeling guily for being sick of what this disease is doing to the people we love.  Worrying is tiring, depressing, can make you sick, etc.  I finally stopped crying every day 2 months after my mom's stage IV diagnosis.  It takes over your life!  Every day someone asks how she is doing and I have to explain it all over again.  Sometimes they ask how I am doing and how can I say anything other than good.  I mean, I don't have cancer, I should be great, right?  It is effort for me to get out of bed every day.  If I have a day off and don't have to drive my mom to an appointment I stay in bed all day.  It is hard on us too.  I lost my dad to lung cancer when I was 24 and all but 2 of his brothers and sisters to cancer (there are 13 of them).  I get it.  I feel like I am young going through this, 30,  but you are so young to have to deal with this.  Your feelings are vaild.  Take care and feel free to email me, I don't know what I would have done without some of the people here.

GryffinSong

It's very difficult to care for others longterm. Perhaps you could find a group to talk with? Either a group of friends you meet with regularly, or a support group of some kind. Your feelings are quite valid, regardless of your thoughts that they're more tired or whatever. We simply can't compare experiences. If you feel tired and overwhelmed, than you ARE tired and overwhelmed, and deserve to find some help with that.

Hugs and good luck to you all!

slally

I understand everything your saying. My mom is doing as good as can be expected but it seems my whole life revolves around cancer too. My aunt, my mother's sister was also diagnosed with cancer this year as well. Her son, my cousin is also very sick. I feel like my friends, who have been amazing, don't understand me. Everything seems to be fine in their lives but why not mine? How come my mom and family members have to go through this? I have started to realize that it is not ok to compare other people's problems or blame others for the bad things that happen. We have to face the situation we are in. It is hard though. I know we all have to take time for ourselves but I hate even leaving the house for long when I know my mom could be home getting emotional. I know she has a long road ahead and it kills me to think about it. You seem like you have a positive outlook on your mother's diagnosis and treatments but its ok for you to feel overwhelmed as well. It is tough. I don't know if I can make you feel better but I just want you to know I completely understand the feelings your having and that you are not alone. Email me any time. God Bless you and your family.

Jadai

Hi Slally,

I just posted a response on another thread to you.  It sounds like we are having the same issues.  I know what you mean about my friends.  None of them have lost a parent yet here I am with one gone and one really sick.  My cousin just battled BC and now another one has a potential BC diagnosis.  I have never blamed anyone but have thought why my family, you know?  Yes, we all have our personal struggles but this is an especially hard one.  You need to go out with your friends, do normal things.  I have just started getting out with friends again and it is such a relief to not have to think about it for just a few hours.  Does your mom have a few friends or someone that can come and hang out with her?  My aunt stays with my mom some weekends and it has been a god send.  They play cards, yahtzee, order pizza, have their sisters and brother over, it is so nice to not have to worry for those few days!  You are not alone and yes, please feel free to email me as well.