Yearly mamo

Labgal

Well, today was my yearly mamo. It has been four years this month since I was diagnosed. It is always good to hear that cheerful "Ok, Mrs. Abell, all clear you can go. See you next year." This time it was, Mrs. Abell,the radioligist would like some closer films, she is almost sure it is just a shadow, but considering your history, wants a closer look" I got that sick, clammy feeling but smiled and said sure. While I was waiting I said a silent prayer and tried not to think here I go again. I was shaking by the time she came to get me to do the films. As it turned out, THANK GOD, it was a shadow and not seen on the other films, but it is just a reminder how close it is to reality.

AnneW

I can so relate. Anything can set of that sickly feeling. That post traumatic stress of diagnosis.

I'm glad it was a false alarm, and that someone was good enough to see something suspicious or just different, and follow up appropriately. Now you can breathe again--till next year, anyway!

Anne

otter

OMG, Cathy, I know (kind of) how you feel.

I had my 6-month post-mast/SNB mammogram on my remaining breast this past August.  I'd been watchful of that breast, and had not found any lumps or bumps at all.  I'm having my mammos at a breast clinic where they read the "films" (digital mammo images) while you wait in the waiting area, and give you the results before you leave.

I watched as every other woman in the waiting area got her results.  In each case, the radiologist came out with a report form in her hand, called the woman's name, and said (with a huge smile), "Ms. Smith, you're all clear!  You can leave now."

Then came my turn.  The radiologist came out to the waiting area looking kind of serious.  She called my name, and said, [Ms. otter], will you please come back here with me?".  I followed her back into the mammo room, trembling.  She turned to me as she walked, and started chit-chatting about the weather, the upcoming football season, my summer vacation, my hair re-growth...  I had no idea where she was going with all that small talk, but I didn't want to go there.  I almost bolted for the door.

Then she stopped (right next to the mammo machine), and turned to face me.  This is it, I thought--another cancer dx already.  She said, "We didn't see anything new.  But, have you ever had a breast MRI?"  [Gulp.]  I said yes, I did, in January--a week after my dx, and right before my surgery.  There was nothing there except the one tumor.

"Oh, good," she said.  "Well, I just thought you ought to know that your breast tissue is so dense that someone could park a Mack truck in there, and no one would see it.  So, you'll need to be really diligent about self-exams, and call us right away if you find anything unusual."

That was it.  Tissue so dense that mammography will never see the tumor.  Unfortunately, I was so scared by the time she got to the "Mack truck" part that I didn't even ask her about getting another MRI, or using alternating MRI or ultrasound instead of mammography for screening. 

What should have been good news turned out to be a black hole.

otter 

roseg

I like the part where they say , "all clear you can go" better than the part with the "take a closer look!"

Glad you got out! Free for another year! 

BFidelis

I have my 2-year scheduled in a little less than 2 weeks.  I'm already insane (ask DH or DDs.)  At my breast center everyone actually MEETS with the radiologist, even if they're going to get the 'all clear.'  This was explained to me by the radiologist who took one look at me and said, "First, everything's OK.  Second, you need to know that EVERY time you have a mamm here, you are going to MEET with one of us.  That's still the longest walk down that hallway..."

Now I take a massive quantity of anti-anxiety med as soon as I land the car in the lot outside.  And then I see how long it takes to move through the maze to get to the end of the Mammogame game-board.  I'm seeing my PCP Monday, and I'm going to tell him that I'm already skin-crawling.  Hope he's got some Fuquitals to get me through.

Beth 

Jorf

I, also, certainly expected the, "OK see you next year" yesterday. But no. First it was, "The radiologist would like to know when you had your port put in." Then, "Let's take a few more views." Then, the radiologist comes in and asks to see where the port scar is. Then I get escorted to the ultrasound and a second tech who uses that tone of voice like they're talking to a kindergardener and does the US and I don't look. Then Dr. Lee comes back in and looks some more. For a long time. Completely blank, lovely face in the glow of the US screen. 6 mm mass. Biopsy 11 days from now!! (Why don't they have emergency slots available for us survivors???)

I have my regularly scheduled onc appointment next Friday so we'll see what she says. 

Meanwhile I'm assuming the best but ....

I liked it better last year.

Bugs

Jorf,

You and I were on the same chemo thread in '06.  Big hugs to you and I will keep you in my prayers for a B9 biopsy!  Keep us posted when you can, k?

hugs,

Bugs

sbmolee

Good for you Cathy.  I think we are all on pins and needles for future mamos and tumor markers.  I had bilat mast and they told me I do not need mamos any more BUT when I went for the 6 mos tumor marker testing....I said a prayer, got sick to my stomach and left almost in tears...to wait for the results.  I sure hope it gets easier as time passes but I have my personal doubts.  For all we have gone through - to have to go through future mamo's and TM's with this fear is just a traumatic reminder. 

Jorf

Thanks, Bugs!

easyquilts

I can totally relate.....Tomorrow I will be having  my first post treatment mammo, and I have been eating everything in sight for the past week or so.....I keep telling everyone that it will be OK, and that I am sre it will be jst fine, but there' s that little nagging voice in the back of my head that says...what if??? 

It doesn't take much to give us that sick feeling.....Having heard those awful words once, we know what hey can really mean to our lives.....We know that it takes just a moment or two to change or lives forever, and that bad things do, indeed, happen to good people.  We unonsiously (or maybe consciously) wait for that other shoe to drop.....