I was weeping idiot at work today...

Alwayssearching

I was weeping idiot at work today...

Alwayssearching

I started TAC on Monday.  Felt fine after and fine on Tuesday.  Tuesday night I had a rough night sleep.  Nausea without vomiting, tossing and turning, etc.  But I dragged myself out of bed and went to work.  "Lot's of women work through chemo" kept playing in the back of my head.  I am the primary breadwinner in my family right now and am in a new position.  So as much as I would like to believe my employers promise of support I still worry about my job.   

I ended up at the cancer center after work completely in tears and exhausted.  No fever, no infection, just chemo.  The Nurse Practioner was very nice and reassured me that it was good that I came but she recommeded I take a few days off work.  I can't do that.  I just got back from 3.5 weeks for mastectomy surgery. 

 Is there a balance???/    I was not productive at work today anyway......but......

Thanks,

Sharon

LiveLoveBelieve

Hi Sharon -

I am three weeks past-mast.. - and I am tired, overall.  I am working from home (job is computer/phone based) but I find that if I do grocery shopping and cleaning, and kid care in one day, I am really worn out physically and emotionally.  In your case you are not only recoverin from the mast. but starting TAC.  I cannot imagine your stress - I, like you, feel that my supervisors expect me back asap and it worries me.  I just could not do it w/out my legs shaking, feeling weak, looking like I felt (very very pasty) - and perhaps the way that your body is warning you to slow down is the tears.

 Hang in there!

LiveLoveBelieve

everyminute

I had crying jags after each treatment - i attributed it to depression coming off steroids.  I would have treatment on Wed and still would be crying at work on Monday afternoon if anyone asked me even a simple "how are you?"  Go easy on yourself.  If you have to go to work then try to keep super busy and isolate yourself.  Understand that this too shall pass.

Just had my last treatment (8 of 8) today (god willing) and am a weepy mess....but one foot in front of the other....this too shall pass.

bluedasher

The steriods can make sleeping difficult. And then when you go off them the steroid crash makes you even more tired. Day 3 and 4 after my first TCH 3 and a half weeks ago were hard from that. This time my onc is letting me try tapering the steroid off.

But it also sounds like your nausea meds may need to be adjusted. You shouldn't have to feel nauseous.

There is a thread on the chemo forum for people who started chemo in October. Or if you don't want to catch up on that there is another one for those who started late October or early November. These can be great for getting support from those getting chemo at the same time as you. 

NatsFan

Always - I went through 6 TAC this spring and summer.  I did the same thing you did after my first treatment.  I too had that same drumbeat of "lots of women work through cancer" and went back to work full time the day after treatment.  I lasted a couple of days, then I too crashed and burned and had to stay home for a few days.  I finally got it through my thick head that there is no medal for the woman who misses the least amount of work during chemo and that I'd better accept that I need to take some time off after treatments to take care of myself before I ended up in the hospital.

You're in a tough spot being the primary breadwinner and in a new job.  I hope that your work means what they say when they've said they'll be supportive.  After that first disaster, I had a long talk with my boss.  Thankfully, she realized that I had done everything I could to come in, but just wasn't able to.  I ended up for the rest of my treatments taking the treatment day off and the next day, then coming in 4 hours a day for the next few days until I could stay the whole day.  Maybe you could work out something like that.  They'd know you were trying, and you could make an appearance for half a day without all the stress of working full time.  Or maybe you could telecommute for a few days after chemo. 

This would allow your work to know what your schedule will be and to plan around it.  Level with them - if you continue to work hours that your system just can't handle, you could well end up in the hospital and be out for who knows how long.  It seems that your work would be better off if you had a regular schedule of when and how long you'll be out after each cycle, rather than having the disruption of you crashing unexpectedly and being out for an unknown period of time.   

One thing about when your hair falls out - you end up looking pathetic, and it takes a hard-hearted boss to take a hard line with someone who is so obviously suffering through chemo.  So use that hair loss to your advantage!  You gotta swipe the cancer card when you need to! 

I also agree about checking out a thread for the November chemo people.  I was in the March 08 thread, and I don't know how I would have made it through if I couldn't have shared the journey with those wonderful women.

Good luck.   

carolynf

Sharon,

Your body is going thru some tough stuff! I had lumpectomy and am finishing my last chemo tomorrow.  It has been over 1 yr since I started this roller coaster ride.  It will get better.  I worked thru the standard chemo and would drive to work in tears one day and be fine the next.  I also was not very productive at first and it seemed to take me longer to focus on the task at hand.  You are just starting out.  Enlist your family to help you at home so when you do get out of work you can rest.  I had chemo on Monday and by thursday I was feeling blah and Friday was harder.  I was happy for the weekend where I could rest.  Take it easy and maybe ask if you could shorten your days when you are not quite up to it.  My boss really didn't understand what I was dealing with.  I still don't think he does.  It was the rest of the people I work with who were very supportive in the office.  Don't beat yourself up. Everyone is different but it does take a toll on you mentally and physically.  Also, if you are not sleeping at night please ask your onc. for something to take at night.  I ended up taking Lorazapam which really helped me get a good nights sleep.  Good Luck and stay positive.

Carolyn

texasmom

I worked through chemo but found that I needed a couple of days off after each treatment. Day 1 & 2 didn't seem so bad other than lack of sleep and nausea. I thought day 3 was the worst and I usually started feeling a little better by day 4. I had my treatment on Thursday so I was ready to go back to work on Monday. I never felt 100% myself between treatments but began to feel more normal right before they zapped me again. Then it started all over. Had chemo brain much of the time. I didn't find it easy to work during treatment but it can be done. I thought the first couple of treatments were the worse because I was anxious and not prepared for how I would feel. I did find that it was easier to deal with the side affects after I knew what to expect and how my body was going to react. I found medicines to take and things I could do to make myself feel better. My employer worked with me and gave me lighter duty but I still worried about my job. Just remember that you must take time for yourself and that chemo doesn't last forever....one day it will be over!

Alwayssearching

Thanks for all of your posts - they eached helped make me feel better !  This first round is a learning experience and next time I will take better care of myself around day 3-4.  I took today off work and will work a half a day or so tomorrow.  I am already starting to feel better.  Online support is a wonderful thing - I genuinely appreciate your time and responses.  I have a pretty decent set up at work and can manage my schedule around my chemo. 

NATS fan.  I am an avid Yankee fan but your post spoke directly to me...I read Crazy also and will use my bald headed cancer card if I need to!  I am not used to not being able to "do it all".  I am learning...I am grateful to have many many supportive friends and family......I am much more loving now (seems silly to dispute the little things).....AND...my son needs a healthy mom so family and me come first! 

Thanks again - now it's Patriots season!

cp418

All the symptoms you describe are exactly the same as shared by many of us. The steroids definitely screw up your sleep and eating pattern.  The entire journey is hell to even go through and than you crash from physical, emotional and psychological exhaustion.  You pull yourself together and then 2 weeks later you do it again.  The difference is now you did it once and have a sense of what to expect and maybe you can work your schedule around those bad days. Your priority is for you to get throught your treatments even if that sounds a bit selfish.  Just know you are not alone and many of us here already went through this journey.  We are always here to lend you an ear and any advise to help you.  Best wishes, Joann  

Alwayssearching

Thanks Joann!  I need to be reminded of that!

NancyD

Can you switch your treatment day to Thursday or Friday?  Then you'd have the weekend to recover.