weeks or days left?

BabieCarm

Two weeks ago my Mom came home to my home for hospice care.  She has had Stage IV breast cancer since 1999.  It was mets to the liver, which they could no longer treat.  I realize where we are in her life.  She does as well.  We pray everyday the Chaplet of Mercy rosary.  Before we came home, while in the hospital, she had one request which was to not be alone when she dies.  Of course, my brother and I assured her she won't.  I want to be there for her and to give her to God. 

Having written this, I'm trying to understand what to expect with the dying process.  Due to her cancer in the liver, she has developed ascitis and her belly is quite enlarged.  She looks 9 months pregnant.  She continues to eat and drink and I track her urine output.  I believe when her kidneys fail, is when we will be closer to death, but how do I know that for sure?  She's beginning to have difficulty breathing.  I also understand with her fluid build up it will overtake her lungs and this may happen before her kidneys fail.  If there is anyone with suggestions on how to make it easier for her to breath, please post. 

Also, when breathing becomes difficult because of the fluid in the lungs, can anyone share with me the experience and offer any suggestions that will make her passage to God peaceful?  My ultimate goal is to make sure she is not in any pain.

Thanks for your help.
Lisa

wishiwere

{{Lisa}} I'm so sorry your mother has had to have hospice come in, and the end is nearing of her journey home to God's side.  Many prayers and {{hugs}} for you, your mother and brother.

That said, I would definitely ask Hospice about these questions you have, b/c that is their job, to make her passing easier, without pain and to help you in this process.

I know when my father died of cancer (lung & esphogeal) 20 years ago, we raised the head of his bed (you can do this with more pillows but if she's in a hospital bed at your home, then raise her head, but the knees also a little so she doesn't keep fighting that sliding down problem.  Also, I've heard on this forum that some have fluid taken off the abdomen or lung so the patient can breath better, have they talked about this at all?

Please, call you hospice with your questions, as they are a great resource.  I'm sure too, others will come by with answers for you soon. 

badboob67

Lisa,

I am so sorry your family is going through this. Have you contacted Hospice yet? They are a great resource.  In the mean time, here are a few links with information about caring for someone nearing the end of life:

https://www.americanhospice.org/ 

http://www.hospicefoundation.org/endOfLifeInfo/   (this link has several articles about the dying process)

http://www.dyingwell.com/ 

http://www.npr.org/programs/death/   (this is a link to a National Public Radio series on end of life issues. There are audio files and transcripts)

((((HUGS))))
Diane

ilovemysweetmomma

Hey Lisa, I'm sorry about what you all are going through.  I've read that elevating the head of the bed to at least thirty degrees helps.  Also, I read somewhere that using a fan helps with breathing for some reason, and having the air turned down helps also.  Is she on any oxygen?  Maybe that would help.  Good luck with everything.  Enjoy the time with each other..I know you will. 

Love,

Megan

irishdreama

Hi Lisa,

I'm so sorry about your mom. I took care of my mom at home. She died from kidney cancer 8 years ago. Definitely talk to the hospice nurses and your moms doctors to see what can be done for her to make her as comfortable as possible. My mom was just holding on, so I climbed up on the bed with her, put my arms around her, and told her that it was ok, she could go with God now. I promised to make sure everyone in the family was ok. She died in my arms. Just you being there for her is without a doubt the most important thing, and I believe that even if you think she can't hear you, she probably can, so just keep telling her how much you love her. God Bless, and I will pray for you all. Jeri

BabieCarm

Thank all of you for your comments and suggestions.  Mom does have a hospital bed and on oxygen, which definitely helps.  The morphine also helps at times.  I've scheduled the nurse to come in the morning so we can further discuss my concerns.  I've found the nursing center website to be most helpful.  Scenarios are explained both from patient's perspective and what is done medically.  It's been the most helpful learning tool thus far.  It's good to know what the nurses can do and what drugs are out there to address symptoms.

I appreciate all the encouragement.

Lisa

BMac

When someone is nearing the end (in my experience with my parents) they start to hallucinate.  It will be very obvious and I seem to recall that it starts about a week before death.  This can be a clue that the ending is nearing.

guitarGrl

Before my father died this fall, the hospice people gave me a booklet on signs of dying. The hallucinations can start several weeks before death. One of the real markers is that all of a sudden the person gets better - more lucid, hungry - then a few days later ...

The end is hard to watch, but the morphine at least keeps the person from experiencing pain. My father was a fighter - we had to tell him it was ok to let go. 

beergirl

Hospice is good. When my father died in a nursing home in 2001, no cancer no hospice. He died from congestive heart failure and kidney failure. He was lucid until the end and talking to me until about 3 or 4 minutes before he died. I didn't even know anything about hospice then. I also didn;t know much about dying. I wish I had.

sbmolee

Several years ago when my father passed away from colon/liver cancer after only 18 short days from dx, Hospice gave me a book on the stages of dying.  It gave a description of the physical changes as well as the mental changes for the stages.  If I recall correctly, the stages were 6-12 months, 3-6 months, weeks and days.  The closer the time came the less connected to the physical and more connected to spiritual and internal a person goes.  My father lost interest in his favorite tv shows, foods and pasttimes.   As things progressed he lost all interest in food, events in the world, the weather, etc.  In the end, he would be awake but with his eyes closed - going somewere internal.  He would occassionally talk but kept withdrawing.  It was so fast but the book was so right on and even months after his passing - I read the book and could see him going thru the stages - just more rapidly. 

You and your mother are in my prayers.

leaf

My friend has stage IV pancreatic cancer and has ascites (which she calls 'the bloat').  She is getting her ascites drained.  She's now up to 2 liters every 3 days.  She has had the choice of either getting it done at the hospital or doing it at home (she's a surgical nurse.)  She has decided to do it at home, and had a catheter put in to her lower abdomen.  She says she stands up and lets it drain out for an hour or so.  (She found that more comfortable at the beginning.)

Her cancer is progressing, and she is now in hospice, and they are doing the draining.  I'm not sure if she still has enough energy to stand up the whole time. But draining the ascites does make her feel much more comfortable.

BabieCarm

Thank you all for your words of advice.  Mom decided not to have her abdomen tapped.  She died last Saturday and her ascitis was not a problem.  I'm glad we decided against it even though at times it was discomforting.  Mom was strong enough to bear the discomfort more than the struggle to get her to the hospital.

She died peacefully in her sleep.  It was at 1pm and the sun was shining on her face.  We were so thankful to have spent her last days with her at home.

Lisa

Anonymous

Lisa, so sorry for your loss.  She was a fighter, though!!!  Happy for you that your mom didn't die alone and you could fulfill her last wish.

faithandfifty

Lisa. May you be wrapped in the comfort of having opened your home and your heart in the transitional process of saying good-by to your mother, as she departed this weary planet of ours.

What a huge relief that must have been for her, in her time of need.

Rest assured that she is now whole and well and looking down over you with pride and a heart full of love.

I am so sorry for your loss, but so proud of you for the choices you made.

xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx

leaf

I am so glad you decided not to have her abdomen tapped.  My friend really hated the time and energy required to go through all those taps at the hospital.  She also found the hospital taps painful.  I'm glad your mom chose not to do that.

I am so glad you could be with her at her last moments and they were peaceful.  You sound like you really respected her choices - what a gift of love you gave her.

sbmolee

I am so sorry for your loss. HUGS

LuAnnH

I just saw this post, am so sorry for your loss.  I am just glad your mom had the comfort of knowing she wasn't alone.  I will say a prayer for you all.

roseg

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm glad that your mother passed on at home and that it was peaceful. 

ICanDoThis

I am glad that you and your Mom had 9 years after her mets diagnosis to be there for one another, and that the end was peaceful for both of you.