Tired of the stories

4thefather

People mean well, but I keep being told stories of other women who had breast cancer or other types of cancer. Often these stories end badly. Why do people feel inclined to share these stories with me???? I just don't get it. My husband meant well, but he just told me last night about a story he had been told of someone's sister who had breast cancer. At the end he said that it didn't turn out well. I told him right away to please stop sharing those stories with me. I don't know why people even feel inclined to share those stories with him!! That kind of irritates me. Does he need to hear those things while his wife is going through it? Where is the common sense in people. Those people are not me, and everyone is completely different, so it doesn't shake my faith in the fact that I am going to be and am already fine. I am just tired of it.

Cathie

LUVmy2girlZ

Cathie ~

I agree...when I was in my "waiting" period everyone felt impelled to tell me the horror stories...like we didn't have enought to worry about !???

I know that technology is now SO different.  Even yesterday is "old technology" 

Perhaps, your husband is "telling" you these stories because he wants reassurance from you.

Remember, every individual is so different just like ones dx and how they respond to it.  Its unfortunate that media and individuals focus on the "bad" and not so much play a role in victory.

There are PLENTY of survivors of very very serious cancers...just go to any Breast Cancer Walk and find out for yourself.  I have met SO many survivors!  Its a breath of fresh air amongst " the horror stories "

I guess you could tell them, you would much rather hear "positive" given your recent dx..

BEST of luck to you...try and stay positive ....and YOU can be the "success" story we love to hear !

Much LUV

4thefather

Thank you. I know there are TONS of survivors!!!

Cathie

TorchSong

I learned a wonderful phrase from my partner (who is also a survivor)--"Everyone's journey is different." I haven't been diagnosed that long, but I have gotten many similar comments and stories. I try to stop people before they get started with a gentle, "Well, everyone has a different story. We;ll see what the doctor says," or some variant of that. It stops (or has so far) all the one or two most oblivious people (one woman actually said, "My sister-in-law did just fine without radiation. Why do people want to do radiation anyway?").

My mantra: "Everyone's journey is different." It's useful for reminding myself, too, that those stories I hear are NOT predictions of what will happen to me--especially the horrible ones.

SpunkyGirl

Cathie,

When people start telling those kinds of stories, I hold up my hand immediately (STOP!), and tell them, "If this ends badly, please don't repeat it.  It does me no good."

Hugs

Bobbie

jrgolomb

Thank you so much for posting positive attitudes and remarks.  I have to admit I got sucked into the horror stories and then was stopped by a good friend who told me I need to take one day at a time, one path report, one mri, one surgery and all that bit by bit.  I have been very glad to NOT get a bunch of advice from people so far...except for my sister who told me to get a bi lateral mastectomy...so here it is:  everyone's journey is different.  That is my new mantra

Debbi5108

Oh The Horror stories!!!  Boy I have heard some doozies but, the best one was from my Husbands step mother and only a few days after I was diagnosed ( I swear this woman ran and won the Village Idiot of all time award) Here it goes. I was telling them that I had cancer and what the doctor had said and at the time I was still in shock alittle myself The idiot then proceeded to tell me how awful Chemo was and that I should have a lumpectomy as this is what she did ( we had 2 totally different types ) As she felt she was so much more intelligent than my doctor and myself however I thought she was trying to be supportive and seemed as if she cared HAH!!!! Jokes on me as I was trying to be strong and start this out on a positive note and joking about things like Hey if I am going to Heck and Back I was at least going to get me a set of girls out of it lol. This woman had the audacity to say to me that "Well if all you want out of it its a pair of T---Ties then oh Well" as if I purposely got breast cancer to get me a set of girls. Hey Buying a set without cancer would have been much cheaper. So I know she is the winner of the Village Idiot award LOL!!!  I had 4 dd/ac and have started my 12 low dose taxols with 10 to go  AC sucked but, so far Taxol is a walk in the park so I think it can be different for everyone and a positive attitude helps. Everyones journey is different and all your posts makes my journey alot more enjoyable so Thank You!!!

Jo_Ann_K

I always get the line, "Your mother died from breast cancer, but so much has changed since then. It doesn't have to be the same for you."  So comforting...NOT!

scarp

I may be lucky that noone is sharing those stories.  My mother did die of breast cancer.  Dx 20 years ago when medicine isn't what it is today.  She lived a wonderful 17 years with stage 4 bc invading her chest cavity and in many nodes.  She is my inspiration!  It did come back into her bone and liver but not for 17 years.  With all the advancements in medicine...

My oncologist keeps saying you've been caught so early, don't worry, you're going to do great.  My mother and I are 2 different people.  We were diagnosed at different stages. You have to worry about you and nobody else.  Every one is different.  Kindly ask these people to cut the crap.  You don't need it. 

RetrieverMomNancy

TorchSong,

I love your mantra! I'm amazed at the stupid things people say. I was first diagnosed with bc at stage IIIc and knew I had one foot on a banana peel at that time. I was truly blessed to fly through 6 cylces of TAC, a mod. rad. mast. and radiation - the burn from the rad treatments was my biggest complaint, although it didn't last long. I never had a day that I wouldn't have accepted a dream date with Robert Redford the entire time. I can't tell you how many people said to me...oh, you're so lucky they caught it early! I didn't bother to correct anyone, just didn't seem worth the effort! Sure enough mets to the spine showed up in September and I'm on chemo again, but the lighter doses of Taxol haven't given me much of anything in the way of side effects. I told my Mom and sister to stop anyone who feels compelled to share horror stories. People need to understand how far we've come in treating this nasty little disease!

Nancy

GramE

And dont you just love it when people tell you that you look tired or pale????   Give me some toxic chemo, half a dozen other medications to counter act chemo side effects, add an allergic reaction of hives covering my entire body and then say I dont look like my " old  self "......  GRRRRRRR....  

One more horror story is going to take me over the edge...   I love the mantra - need a t shirt with it on !!!!