Thanks!

jenjan

I just want to thank all of you for all of your postings.  My mother was diagnosed with bc on 9/8/08 and had a mastectomy on 10/1.  This all came as a shock since she has always had yearly mammograms with her recent one being in 3/08 and negative.  This has been a whirlwind month!  I have been on this site many times when I have been alone, just to know we weren't going through this alone.  The positive postings have been very reassuring.  My father passed away in 2002, and I am the only daughter, so I have been the sole supporter during this time (even though I'm not sure I'm saying or doing the right things).  One question I have:  What is the most important thing to do?  I have been the cheering section as best I can, but I sometimes feel it is not enough.  I attend all of the dr. appts. with her and will attend her first oncology appt. on 10/23, I have made arrangements for her fitting for mastectomy bras and prosthesis and I have even been able to joke a little with her about it (when the time is right), but it still feels like it is not enough.  Any suggestions?  You all are great!

hollyann

Jenjan, what a wonderful daughter you are!.....You are doing all the right things sweetie.......You are standing by your mom thru it all.....Your mother sure is lucky to have you to care for her...The best thing is to just be there for her....Let her call the shots on what she does and doesn't want to discuss.....God bless you both and good luck to your mom.........She will be just fine.....Hugs!

Lucy 

jenjan

Thanks for the kind words, Hollyann.  My mom has always been there for me through all of these years (I'm 50 and she is 77), so this is the least I can do for her.  I guess I'm feeling a little helpless right now and my words somehow don't sound like they are enough.  I am very proud of her along with everyone who is or has faced this horrible disease.  Believe me, I have always prayed for a cure and I'm sure some day there will be one, but after now being exposed to everything the health care profession can do for patients, I feel we are blessed to have come this far (it just is taking way too long for my liking, but I have no say!).  Take care.

maggie101

jen jan - the most important thing to do is to just be there for her - and you are already doing that! my mom was diagnosed in 2002, and I went to all her appointments with her. we are now waiting for biopsy results, because she may have it again. one thing i found most helpful this time around - was that last time i kept notes - in a big binder (people used to kid me about it) - I'm so glad I have it now. I keep all her info in it - her insurance info, her medical history, her current medications... when she went through chemo and radiation, and even after her surgery I kept notes on how she felt - if she had reactions to medicine, (chemo caused GERD - acid reflux, and they thought she had a heart problem) so now I know when we go through this again what to watch for. I pray you never have to go through it again - but having all the information in one place makes it easier to keep track. I keep copies of mammo reports take notes at dr. visits etc. If you follow up on all of that - it's one less thing your mom has to be stressed out about. My mom doesn't hear very well and she is forgetful, so I arranged with the drs. offices for them to call me with important things instead of her. 6 years ago I was afraid that I was doing the wrong thing, that I was taking too much away from her and "babying" her - but now I'm finding I need to do it. Iknow the feeling that your words aren't enough - but they are - just being there (even without words) is the best thing you can do for your mom. I wish you both the best through all this. maggie

jenjan

Thanks for the advice, Maggie.  The notebook/binder is a great idea.  I feel like I'm living out of my purse right now!  My mom wears 2 hearing aids, so I, too, have the drs. call me and I make all of her appts. so she doesn't have to do it.  Although she is mentally with it, her brain is full of all of the info. that is given to her and she just blanks out.  She is afraid she will miss an important detail (she is also OCD).  Thankfully, my mom asks them to call me, so the healthcare providers are a little more at ease with the whole thing, although I do have a power of attorney for her.  When I asked the dr's secretary to fax me my mom's path report, she hesitated and told me I would not understand it.  I asked her to send it anyway so I could do my own research for questions.  I didn't think I was the first to ask, but oh well.  I'm sorry to hear that your mom is going through it again.  It is certainly tough enough the first time, let alone the second.  I'm sure the info you kept the first time will be invaluable.  You were definitely thinking!  I truly appreciate your words of encouragement.  I do feel helpless, but I know my mom appreciates my phone calls and silly notes that I send her.  Just to hear a laugh from her does my heart good.  Without her knowing it, she has kept me going some days just from her laugh!   I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers.  Please let me know how her biopsy comes out -- it still could be nothing to worry about.  Take care and thanks again.  Janet

SoCalLisa

Janet..I will also reinforce what others have said..you are already doing so much for her..Just helping her on a day to day basis is huge and I hope you don't feel that it is your responsibility to make her world for her...please think of your self also so you are "up" when you need to be..keeping the records of everything is a large help...I used to love to get jokes in my email..making me laugh out loud was wonderful...

jenjan

Thanks.  Unfortunately, my dad passed away in 2002 (after being married to my mom for 51 years) and I have two brothers who just don't seem to get it.  I live an hour away from my mom and I work, so I can't go visit every day -- phone calls are the best I can do.  I'm trying to talk her into moving closer to me, but I don't think she is ready to leave her house just yet, which is okay.  She will when she's ready.  If I ask one of my brothers to go over and visit or give her a call just to see if she needs anything and to visit, they hardly ever follow through.  I know they have their own lives, but at this point, I feel they could give up a little time for her.  I'm sure there are days when she feels the walls are closing in on her and just to go for a ride somewhere would be a big help.  My husband loves my mom and has no problem with her staying with us for weeks at a time, so I'm hoping she will come stay with us at least through the holidays.  Thanks for your words of encouragement; they really do help!