depression after treatmant and mastectomy

jsudor

I just wanted to put this out there for any of you that are having any depression or sadness,even though perhaps your treatments worked-or you have had mastectomies or lumpectomies,and even if your dr's have said you are "in the clear",but you are still finding yourself crying,etc-This Is Normal!!!!!!!!Its kind of like being in a battle-and then going home to lick your wounds...The initial sight of my mastectomies really didnt depress me at first,but when i could finally take a shower and my chest felt so tight(from the expanders),I just lost it..it wasnt a vanity thing-it was 'Grieving a loss..This is Normal...something you've had all your life has changed.My parents are both gone and i found that i Really missed my mother even though she has been gone over 10 years<<<<<<this Is Normal..youve had a shock to your life,You want Your Mommy!!!!!!!I hope this helps someone out there,I wish i could hug all of you and make it better,this is the best i can do.

swimangel72

Thanks Janine - you really helped me tonight - I feel like I'm in mourning not only for the breast I lost, but also for my stomach which suffered so much after my free-tram and the staph infection - and will suffer more next summer when I have more surgery to repair the hernia. So here's a big hug back to you Janine!

jsudor

So-still battling the demons.i have decided to start counseling sessions.I cry every day,and in the morning i pull the covers over my head,not wanting to go out into the world that has changed so much for me.I am grateful to be alive,i have so many blessings,and this only adds to my depression,as i feel guilty for feeling bad-god it could be so much worse!I want all the things that have been taken from me back dam it.I dont want to look so different,and i know now that life eventually comes to an end,and its all so sad,so for my husband,me,my daughter and my dogs,i pick myself up every day and go forward,but all the while i just feel so damn sad..maybe its the tamoxifan,i really hope this councilor can help me,thats one thing-noone can ever kill hope!

baywatcher

Janine-

I hope you find your counseling sessions helpful. I am battling depression myself. I don't cry everyday but I could if I let myself. I do think about breast cancer everyday, it is just always on my mind. I want my old self back too. I used to be a positive person and I don't feel so positive anymore and I know that negativity is unhealthy. Will it get easier someday? I hope so.

Keep yourself up Janine, for your husband, daughter and dogs. They need you.

firstmate

I had a bil mastectomy, and I am also battling depression.  I do cry every day, some days many times.  I started seeing a counselor 2 weeks ago, and started antidepressants a week ago.   The therapist is helping me adjust my body image and deal with the other stressors in my life.  I am starting to feel better every day.  Keep up the counseling.  It is working for me, and hopefully it will help you as well.

Gwaz

So helpful. Everything went really well, best case & all that & I can't stop crying.

SimplyAudrey

THANK YOU.  I am even still in the middle (waiting for exchange from TE to Implants) and I find myself quick to cry, low energy....you name it.  I actually have issues with anxiety/panic.....so this blatently sucks.

The whole last year has been a challenge.  I lost my Mother to lung cancer 12/21/11....and the day after discovered a lump that began my trip on "Mr toad's wild ride".  I feel like it's been a year of situational depression.  I CHOSE a BMX to reduce my cancer risk......so I'm going through the "why did I do this to myself?"  Original BMX was 10/1.  I'm not even 6 weeks out!  We're looking at exchange on the 19th....I'm LUCKY.....but it doesn't change the frustration of no being able to sleep on my side.......expanders feeling like their under my armpits....etc. 

I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel.....I'm just so used to being the den mother and patient advocate.....NOT the patient.  I know this is all VERY NORMAL....but it doesn't change that it SUCKS!

Thanks for letting me vent!

jittersmom

I feel more depressed now than when I was in treatment. I just finished my herceptin. I still have my port in. i am starting the followup process. i am also on Tamoxifen. I am angry that after over a year my body still isn't right. I am exhausted half the time, aches and pains, and still physically can't do things I want to do. It does suck and sometimes it just helps to come on here and talk to people that "get it"..My family is more like oh your done with treatment...then your all good to go

lisa2012

Yes to all of the above. I want to put it behind me too. Just finishing 2 week break from 3 mos Arimedex because of aches pains stiffness ..unfortunately I don't feel much different!! I bet he will just put me back on. Ok, so I feel like I am 90 when i was a pretty energétic 56 year old. Do I exercise even if it makes my joints hurt? Sorry for the complaining

DarkKiss

I had a BM two weeks ago and pain its starting to subside. Why do I feel sad? Is it ever going to get better. Still dont know if I will get chemo.

DarkKiss

Im the same. AndIm I feel that all family and friends minimize my feelings by saying it will be ok that I will not die of cancer but what about what I feel now? Im two wks after BM and Im supossed to you look strong so that not one suffers for me?

farmerlucy

Dark Kiss - I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can tell you I have been there (see bio). Sometimes the darkness would just overtake me. I think any woman who has a BMX should immediately speak to a counselor.

Don't try to be too strong. Feel whatever you need to feel.

I'm sure stuff from your mom's struggle has its own impact on you. I think I had PTSD after my dx.

My PCP said he had 4 ladies he was treating who had BMX's and we were all reacting the same way. He said the women who get lumpectomies seem to have an easier time. His theory is that the loss of the breast tissue triggers something in the brain. Anyway anti-anxiety med, anti-depressants, talking to a counselor, and time pulled me out. My counselor was so great. She always said "lean into the pain". Also she said "You know long it will take to get better? As long as it takes."

Eventually I would wake up in the mornings and think the scary thoughts, then say to myself, is that going to happen today???? I'd tell myself "NO". And then "Well get on with living today."

PM me anytime.

DarkKiss

Farmerlucydaisy, you have no idea how much you helped me! I have been down all day. I feel so guilty, have not beento able toto eat much. But knowing that you felt the same way and got yourself up I am certain that I will be okay. You are right I will ask my doctor for a therapist referral. Thank you and God bless. You are in my thoughts.