my mom may have breast cancer again, and i'm very worried

drummerboy

Hi everyone,

     About eight years ago or so, my mom found a lump in one of her breasts, and within a month was in surgery and had her breast removed.  After testing the lump it was confirmed that it was cancerous.  She's been on medication since and gone to all of her check-ups and everything has been positive.  She caught it in time and didn't have to go through chemo, and all has been good.

     Now, a few weeks ago she has a regular appointment and the results were inconclusive.  Within a couple weeks she was sent to a larger city to have more tests done.  She went for the tests and got the results last week.  They found a lump, and they need her to come back for more tests.  She goes back this week.  My mom is normally pretty strong but she just admitted to me that since she got the news, she's been really down in the dumps and not felt like eating.  I have felt much of the same way.  My mom lost her dad to cancer, and also two of her sisters, so it runs in the family.  As embarrasing as it is to say, I'll say it..I am very close to my mom, being the youngest of four boys.  I am 36 and still live in her basement.  I depend on her so much(not so much financially) but for just being there.  I know I should think positive cause nothing has been confirmed, and she came through last time relatively unscathed but, I'm really scared, not just at the possibility of losing my mom who I'm very close to but, I'm scared for her too.  I can only imagine how she feels.  I don't know if she knows what to think or feel, I know I sure don't.  That's why I'm writing this to anyone that'll listen and hopefully give me some advice.  I'm feeling very lost, scared, and worried and I just don't know what to do.  I welcome anything anyone has to say.  I wish everyone well.  Take care,

                                                    Kennan 

drummerboy

p.s.  I just realised I probably posted this under the wrong topic.  Honestly, I just found this site and wanted to put my feelings down for some advice as quickly as possible.  I'm sorry if I put this where it doesn't belong.  Please forgive me!

                                                       Kennan

beastybabe

Hi Kennan

Im sorry to hear that your mum is having to go through this again.  I think the only thing that you can do is to be there for her when she needs you.   I know that you probably want to fix this....but you cant at the moment....what your mum probably needs is your warm hugs and comfort and for you to listen to her, allowing for her to let off steam.

Im sure there are many thoughts running through your brain as well as your mums....but try not to panick, you don't exactly know what your dealing with yet...  A couple of weeks ago I found a new lump and thought that the cancer was back, went to my doc and she said that she could feel the lump to....I was starting to freak out at this point....I got an emergency appt with my onc and it turned out to be an inflammed lymph node and of no great concern.

Quite often when we are going through this we think of questions that we'd like to ask the doc but when we get there we forget.  Maybe you could keep a notebook or journal and any questions that you or your mum think of that you want to ask the doc you can write in the book.

Also if you go with your mum to her doc appointments that can be good as quite often at the early stages of diagnoses you don't hear all that is said to you.  So its good to have another pair of ears to listen to what the doc is saying.

And just remember that we are all here for you and your mum...not matter what the diagnoses is...try and stay strong.

Annalisa

drummerboy

Hi Annalisa,

     Thanks for replying so quickly.  On one hand as soon as I hear "lump" and "cancer", and everything that may be associated with it..it scares be like nothing else.  I know they're being thorough and stuff, and they're jumping on it quickly so there's some positives there.  As well as not even knowing yet what exactly is going on.  By nature..I always think the worst but before when my mom caught it early and things turned out well, well, I'm hoping for that again(obviously).  I have to admit it's hard to stay strong.  Last time in the hospital I told myself I was going to be strong, and I broke down.  It just hit me and I couldn't control myself.  I'm trying to not jump to conclusions and get upset but, it's hard when my mom is normally a rock tells me that it's bothering her.  Anyway, I'm hoping it's non-cancerous, although I have my doubts.  I guess the only thing to do now is wait till she goes for her appointments and hope for the best.  I would say and to stay positive but..unfortunately that's very hard to do. 

     I do have to thank you for telling me about you and mentioning that it was an inflammed lymph node.  Obviously that's a possibility too(for my mom).  And I'm hoping that's all it is.  I'm happy for you that that's all it was.  Thank you for your kind words, and shoulder.  I'm sure throughout this whole thing I'll be posting a bit(possibly quite a bit).  I hope you're here to reply

     Thanks again!!  I hope all is well with you.  Take care,

                                                        Kennan

beastybabe

Hi Kennan

Im here anytime for you and your mum.  When does your mum get the results for her tests????

I know that it must be tough for you, especiallly when your mum is finding things hard....do you think that you could get your mum to post on this site as well.  Maybe hearing from other women who are and have been through this fight she might find inspiration and strength.

I know how hard it is to hear those words, that its cancer, as Im only 38 and I never expected to hear them at my age....I thought it only happened to older women....no offence intended....

But with the support of my father and son and other women from this site I have coped with this disease and am fighting it with everything that I have.

drummerboy

Hi Annalise,

     My mom goes in this Wednesday(I believe) and the testing they have to do takes about an hour-and-a-half.  I think she told me(that they told her) that they'll freeze the breast, and take some samples, and well take some tissue samples, as well?  Does that seem right?  My mom told me once and it was one of those things you just don't want to hear cause it's bad news, kinda stuff.  But from what I recall, they're taking samples from inside the breast and taking some samples from the surface of her breast too.  I don't know too much else.  So..that'll get done, then it's just a matter of waiting for results, which I assume won't take too too long.  Then a couple weeks latere she has another appointment which was already scheduled.  It's supposed to be a 'check-up' appointment to see how she's been doing.

     Hmmm, as for her posting on here..I don't think she would.  She's pretty 'computer illiterate' and I don't think she'd feel very comfortable doing it(well, sitting at the computer and typing her feelings anyway).  What I usually do though, is if I see something that I think she might like to read..I preint it off and let her read it, when she has time.  I agree if she knew others going through the same thing she may feel a little better.  But I also wonder...for me anyway, to get in touch with other women, and talking about the terrible things that they've gone through(chemo, loss of hair etc, etc) I think, and I'm only guessing here, but I think that may frighten here more.  I don't know.  I think it would frighten me knowing what could very well happen to me.  Please don't take that the wrong way, it's not meant to be a slight in anyway.  I know for me, I usually take an 'ignorance-is-bliss' kind of stance on things.  I'm assuming my mom may as well.  Just deal with what we have to deal with instead of worrying what might or might-not happen.  Does any of that make sense?  I know the thought of the possibility of my mom going through chemo, and loosing her hair and things possibly getting worse scare the hell out of me, and I'm sure it does her too.  But don't get me wrong..I'm sure as she met yourself and others, she would feel inspired and perhaps a little positive.  I know if I find something, she'll come and check it out, and either read it off the computer, or like I said, I can print it off.  Any suggestions?  

     If you don't mind me asking..when were you first diagnosed?  I remember for us, we were sitting in the kitchen and my mom had told us that she had been to the doctor earlier that day, because earlier in the week she had detected a lump in her breast.  She told us the doctor had set it up so either she was going to get checked out again by a specialist or it was already set up..she was going to have sn a couple weeks.  I was so shocked.  I remember when I had gone to bed that night I just felt so helpless and scared.  I shed many tears and just wished we never had that conversation.  Like I said in a previous post, I told myself that I'd be strong.  Well, as we said goodbye to mom as she was about to go into the operating room, I started to break down again.  We had some time to kill so my brothers and I went our separate ways.  We were just waiting for word that she was out of surgery, as well as finding out for sure if the lump was cancerous or not.  As she went into surgery it wasn't determined yet if the lump was cancerous or not.  Anyway, a couple hours later I got the call..yes she was out of surgery and yes it was cancerous.  We went back to see her and as we were about to leave after seeing her for a short time..I broke down..quite a bit this time.  Anyway, thanks to a little family, and a now ex-girlfriend..I got through it.  When word came back that they believed to have gotten all of it and she wouldn't have to go through chemo..I was elated, and I'm sure she was happy with that news too.  Everything had been great up untill last week.  Now it's back to 'square one' worrying what it could be, how bad is it?  Well, you know how it goes.

     If you don't mind me asking..tell me more about you?  I feel bad that I'm sitting here 'crying on your shoulder' and I know nothing about you.  I'd like to be able to give something back to you.  I hope that's ok??

     Anyway, one last thing before I go this time..do you do much reading?  A while ago I bought a book, and I enjoyed it very much.  I think I just may re-read it right away.  It's called "It's Not About The Bike:My Journey Back To Life" by Lance Armstrong(with Sally Jenkins)

     You may have Lance Armstrong.  He's won the Tour-De-France many times, and this book tells how he was diagnosed with testicular cancer and his future didn't look good.  He talks about having the determination to fight this disese and win.  It was a very good book.  In fact..I may tell my mom she should read it.

     Anyway..enough babbling.  Thanks again so much for replying again..I really, truly appreciate it!!!  I hope all is well with you.  Take care, and I hope to hear from you soon. 

                                                                                                  Kennan

beastybabe

Hi Kennan

I was diagnosed with breast cancer on the 28th December 07 and found out in March 08 that it was in my spine in my T8 vertebrae.  I had a CT scan in July which the onc said showed no new cancer and healing at the sight of the T8 vertebrae.  Apparently that is classed as being in remission or heading towards remission.

If you havn't alreadly seen it on my post name, I live in New Zealand and I also stay with a parent, I also have an 18 year old son who has just started working full time...before he joins the police force.

I havnt read that book yet but it sounds like a good book to read....

Well its Wednesday night here and Im sure that your mum is nervous as she will be getting her results today....but try and stay strong and let your mum know that we are all thinking of your mum.

drummerboy

Hi Annalisa,

How are you?  Well, it seems like we have good news here.  Mom went for her tests, and while they couldn't do some tests because her breast is too small, they did do some mammograms and other things.  They then sent her to see a surgeon.  From what they figure..they think what she has is calcium build-ups.  They say they are 99% sure that's what it is.  She has to go back on the 20th for a biopsy and then back on the 5th of next month for the results.  That's very good news and I feel very relieved.  My mom is still very worried and got some medication to help calm herself a bit.  I'm trying to tell her not to worry if the doctors are feeling that sure of things.  Of course they can always be wrong but..I'm trying to be positive.  I know my mom is too but, I can also understand how she feels and I would probably feel the same way if it was me so...

     So, like I said..things at the moment seem..ok.*knocks on wood*

     I hope you don't mind me asking about you.  After I read what you said, I can understand if maybe you'd maybe be a little uncomfortable, and I definitely don't want to make you feel that!!!  Yeah, I noticed you live with a parent as well, and I'm sure it's good for both of you, support-wise.  As I said before, I feel rather embarrased living at home but on-the-other-hand..once your parents are gone, they're gone, and I don't want to have regrets when it comes to my mom.  She's been there for me through everything, and I just think enjoy your parents as much as you can.  You also mentioned you have a son that's going to join the police force?  That's a pretty noble career.  Good for him!!!  Are you two close?  Sounds like a great career goal, sounds like his head is on straight! 

     And you mention New Zealand.  That's on of the places I'd like to most visit on earth.  My nephew went to Australia last year for a month but never made it to New Zealand.  I told him he was crazy..that's the FIRST place I would've went.  Where do you live in New Zealand?  And what do you do?  I live in Brooks, Alberta, Canada(about two hours South of Calgary).  I was born and raised here. 

     Yeah, if you get a chance to read that book, I think you might enjoy it.  Lance talked about how he was so determined to find everything out about his cancer and the different treatments, and wasn't going to siut there and feel sorry for himself and let himself die.  I think that's very admirable but very hard as well.  To get bad news like that, and to not take "NO" for an answer and get better.  I don't know, I just think it was a very good book. 

     Anyway..before I babble your ear off, I'll let you go.  Again, I hope you don't mind me asking about you.  I just want you to know that we've been thinkiong of you too, and wish you the best!!  I look forward to you replying when you get a chance.  I hope all is well with you   Take care!!

                                                                                                                Kennan

beastybabe

Hi Kennan

Im glad that your mums outcome is so far so good. I live in Auckland.  Im currently not working but have been applying for jobs online....so far no luck.  Im going mad at home and need to get out of the house, so Im trying to get back to some sort of work.

My son is awesome and he has been great through all this. 

beastybabe

I was thinking that if you wanted to you could post me a private message instead of posting on this thread.....but if you don't thats ok.

Hows your mum going???? How are YOU going??? not freaking out I hope.

Hopefully Ive had some luck today, I might be able to go back to my old job as a customs officer at Auckland International Airport.....Im waiting to see what they say.....fingers crossed

Annalisa