Need advise on loosing hair

susan13

Ok I am prepared...the picture is me with my upcoming new do!  Thank goodness for my friend who thought of bringing a camera with us when we went wig shopping, cause I was starting to forget what it looked like!  So I am 1 week out, assuming end of next week, start of my 2nd tx I will be shedding my locks... the long dark shiny beautiful stuff that I did not appreciate up until now!  My major issue is how am I going to deal with being bald around my daughter?  She is very young (2 in December) and I'm worried how she will react when she see's me bald.  I have my wig for work and for doing other things, but during days at home I can only imagine you are more comfortable with a scarf/cap/hat, whatever on.  So I would deem it inevitable that she will see my baldness sooner or later.  Need to know it will be ok, so please anyone... your experience or advise is needed right now!

Sue

BernadetteD

I am an early childhood educator. At two your child will definitely notice. Depending on her temperment  her reactions may be different. In general if you are comfortable with your baldness and positive, she will be too. You may want to let her touch your head and feel how smoorh your skin is or let her see you rub in oils to lubricate and tell her it feels good. We have such bad feelings about baldness but really sometimes women look lovely that way. It makes eyes look enormous and the head shape can be quite elegant. Buddhist nuns, Nefertiti and her crown all were bald. Some of the young rock stars look very stunning. If you can view it as a temporary experience and get comfortable she will pick up on your cues and learn a valuable lesson about difference. It can be fun to play with wigs. The worst thing for me about being bald was that I was cold sometimes. Bought some warm caps. I never felt so clean and getting out the door was easy without hours of fussing at my hair. My hair is growing back now and still sometimes I wear my wigs.

Ness78

Hi Sue.  Hang In There Chica!!!  I am starting my chemo in about 3 weeks, trying to prepare myself as well.  I have a 3 year old daughter.  My husband buzzes his head and I just told my daughter that I was gonna get a hair cut and would look like daddy.  She's thinks its pretty cool.  I have been wearing bandanas already, just trying to adjust and my daughter wants to wear them too!  I'm not really into the whole wig thing.  I am actually going to braid my hair (as its almost to my butt) and cut it off as a keepsake!!!  Good Luck Girl and just keep smilin!

kerry_lamb

Hey girls!

The way your kids react to you will depend entirely on how  you react to them. They will 'move on' at speed which will surprise you and be perfectly normal around you. Practising with the hats and scarves and hats is an excellent idea. Don't forget..these kids are not exactly teenagers!

Pets are a bit different, though. It took my cat a week before she really recognised me sans hair! 

susan13

Thanks everyone!

Kerry, I also have a cat, and that mad me laugh:-)

I guess I will do what's best and definitely not hide it from her, that way it will probably help me deal with it better also!

Sue

wishiwere

Yes, hiding it would/could create problems, if she were to every 'find' you without your cover, or it blew, fell off in her presence.  Kids are so resilent at that age.  Just make sure she has no access to anything capable of removing her own locks. Kids are experiementive and believe me....they will use what is at this disposal to be like mommy! Even kids scissors CAN cut hair, whether they say so or not!

My mother sews, and I remember one time she watched dd, and both took a nap. Mom was awakened when dd was attempting to cut MOM's bangs for her! What a fearful thought!  I'm still questioning how she raised 5 of us without a mishap like scissors and knives, b/c they were always accessible.  Weird....

bettysgirl

my kids are grown but we do have grandkids living with us (2 and 1). The two yr old loves to rub y our hair as she goes to sleep. It is going to be a BIG change for her and i don't know how it will go but we will try to adjust and be positive for her. I also know given the chance she would cut hers she is a monkey see kind of girl..if i try on the wig the 1 yr old immediatly yanks it off so we will have to be careful with her while out.

Panchoandlefty

I had 3 yr old twins and a 6 yr old when I lost my hair.

They will follow your lead on how to react.

When I started to lose more than a few strands at a time, I had a head-shaving party with my kids and the neighbors' kids. The children dressed up in their favorite costumes. I had 3 funny, cheap wigs on hand- one pink, one yellow, and tinsel rainbow wig.

I'd already been through a cycle of chemo so they (sort of) knew the "bad-medicine" was going to make my hair fall out. I told them over and over and over, like it was going to be something funny.

A neighbor shaved my head on our porch. The kids threw my hair around the yard for birds to make nests. They had a ball and it didn't seem scary. I wore the funny wigs and we had a parade.

Looking back, I think the whole thing was pretty perfect... I will say my kids loved to yell "BALD HEAD!" and point at me whenever my hat would come off....

On a side note-- when I was bald and my kids would throw fits and yell "I  WANT__(fill in the blank)___ !!!!"  I would smile and say; "Well, what do I want?" To which they would giggle and yell "HAIR!"

I'd say; "And will I get some today?" They would laugh and say "NO! No hair for BALD HEAD!" and run off. Taught that lesson pretty quickly.

Stephanie

ETA- I couldn't wear wigs b/c my kids would pull them off. That was OK, I'm not a wig-girl. Just keep it in mind!

  

Emily2008

I agree with previous posters...your daughter will take her cues from you.  I have 3 sons from 11 down to 6 yrs old and they all handled it well.  We talked about it A LOT before the time finally came, and that helped prepare us all.  They all think I look fab in my scarves, BTW!

lynn4

I wore hankies and a soft sleeping hat a bedtime - never did wear scarfs.  I remember my 5 yr old son when I asked him what he thought, he said "your still my mommy and I love you, it dosn't matter if you don't have hair"  Needless to say that brought tears to my eyes, to be put it in such a simple way!  I did talk about it and joked about it with both my kids all the time!

Good Luck - Prayers

Lynn

graysee

You will be fine. I  was a haridresser for 18 years. I cracked up laughing when my friends and I were in the car, and I had the habit of running my  hand at the neck part of my hair ( looked like yours too)  One day my hair came off on my hand. What can you do ?   I went hey girls, watch this!  They freaked out. I then had my son who was 22 shave my head. I took pictures with a cigar, wanted to see what I looked like as a bald man. We laughed. I bought wigs nice ones and had fun with different colors and styles. I used a nice type black or white turban around the house. Put a nice big earring on and some lipstick and your daughter will only see you and your glow. Laughter is the best cure. had lump and rad and chemo menopause in 95. just had a tram flap, and doing great. looking good too!

grace

leaninonfaith

Hello Sue and any other Ladies taking on the "Bald" head.  I am 39 yrs old and was diagnosed in Jan '08 with invasive ductal carcinoma. Stage ll.  I started chemo Feb 28 - my hair started falling out approx 2 weeks later to the day - it fell out in clumps - then handfulls.  Then after my 2nd round of chemo, I came home from the infusion and my mom had cut all of her hair off.  So, the next day I decided not to hold on to it any longer and cut it off.  I didn't even cry.  I was ok with losing my hair, because it was temporary, I hated being sick.  

I started out wearing wigs, then it went to hats, then I tried a scarf but my head was so smooth, it would just slip of.. I live in TX so, the wig - uh uh - too itchy and too dang HOT!!!  I would scratch my head at work then look in the mirror, only to see my hair cocked up on one side.  It was a sight.  Anyway, I decided that I am the one having to go thru this mess, I am entitled to a "bald" head if that was more comfortable.  And it was.  

I was also worried about what my children thought (ages 10 & 11- boy and girl) about me not wearing my wigs and just like the other writers stated, they will follow your lead.  She is very young - I am sure she will be wonderful and love you all the same.  My kids had neighbor kids that came over pretty often and at first, I wore a hat, but it just got too hot.  I eventually quit wearing  them even when their friends came over.  They didn't even act like anything was different.

Let Your light shine, you will find that the hair is minimal in the grand scope of all that you will endure.  My prayers are with you. Johnie

susan13

Thanks Graysee and Johnie!

Day 3 of wearing my new do... I'm getting compliments and everyone has been asking me "did you color your hair, I love it!".... when I tell them it's a wig they can't believe it!  I know it looks good, but to me it's just uncomfortable.  Why do we feel that we have to cover our bald heads anyway?!  I am going out tomorrow and picking up some scarfs and cute hats, and on weekends and hey maybe even a work day or 2, going to go topless!  My daughter is good with it, she wants to wear a hat when I wear my comfy cozy hat at home. Right now I'm in the "patchwork" stage of my hairloss, it's not very pretty at all, I wish it would just all come out so it can be smoooth!

Sue

gsg

Hi, Sue. 

Your wig looks great!   You're such a pretty girl...I bet you will look beautiful completely bald.   I got to the point where I only wore my wig to work and when not working it was a baseball cap or one other hat I had for when I went out.  Around the house, I wore nothing.  Near the end of treatment, I even stopped wearing the wig to work and figured I'd just keep my hat on.  One day it felt hot and I warned everybody the hat was coming off.  They all said, BE COMFORTABLE!  It was a very freeing moment.  After that I only put my hat on to walk in and walk out of the building...once I'd get to my office, I went commando.

A tip regarding your hair.  At some point when it's almost all out, there may be some stubble left that pokes your head when you lie down.  Run a lint roller over your head to remove it.  Works like a charm!  

Good luck to you!

Patrice

susan13

Patrice,

Thank you so much for your nice words!

and I might just go "commando" one day too!  When one of the ladies in the office this morning asked me if I colored my hair I answered her "I don't have any hair"... oh yeah there was quite a confused look on her face!  I'm not hiding the fact and it is actually making me feel good that I am being open about it.

Sue