Can we really move beyond Cancer?

farila_1966

Can we really move beyond Cancer?

farila_1966

I am new to this discussion board and a 12 year survivor from India. As I was reading about the forums .. I stopped by and wondered whether in the past 12 yrs I have been able to move beyond cancer and be the person I was in the BC era (Before cancer). Sadly, I think the answer is no otherwise there is no way I would be looking for support board and sisters to link up with. Specially the ones I feel who will understand me.. my silly fears... my doubts.. chemo brain.. etc etc.

As a kid I have been through lots of sickness like Thyphoid fever, severe bout of chicken pox etc where I was laid on the bed for days and would wonder whether I can ever become the person I was after this. I would usually think that this is going to leave a lasting impact on me but within weeks I would discover that it passes off without even leaving a mild trace. So when I was diagnosed with BC I thought this would pass and I could get along with life like usual. But no.. It changed my life forever and in some positive and negetive ways I have changed permanently. For me fellow breast cancer survivors have become close family members. I feel we belong....

Cancer changed everyone around me too..I cannot recall a single person who was connected with me and did not get affected by my going through cancer. The worst case was of my son who was 4 1/2 yrs old then. It was very difficult for him to know that he can loose his Mom to some terrible disease. He watched my sister die of breast cancer just 3 months after I was diagnosed. He changed into a very caring and loving son to me. Always there at my beck and call to be of help. Though good for me .. I regret my child going through this. I wish he could have grown up like any other careless boy.

My marraige has been affected and could not be the same ever again .. even after lots of effort from our side.

12 yrs have gone by and I am still restless and haven't been able to shed the tag of cancer off me. Off course I am a survivor but the tag of cancer hangs to it. So I come over here and wonder whether I can ever really move beyond Breast Cancer?

BMac

Dear Farila 

There was another thread awhile ago "Has Cancer Changed You".  It does change you forever and you can never be the person you were before.  Every major life experience changes who you are.  Cancer makes you face your own mortality.  That's life changing

The hardest thing for me to deal with was the thought of possibly leaving my children without a mother.  They were 24, 22 and 15 at the time of diagnosis.  I went through this six years ago when they were 19, 17 and 10 when I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  Getting cancer a second time is like a kick in the stomach.  It knocks the wind out of you.

You will always be someone who has had cancer.  Can we move beyond?  I don't know.  I think we can to a point but we will never be that person we were before.  We have lost our innocence. 

Good luck to you Farila

NaughtybyNature

Farila: my name is Lilia and I am a 5 year cancer survivor; CONGRATS on your 12 years.  Way to go.

Moving beyond?!?!?!  Absolutely!!!!!  You must, just like walking away from a bad marriage (I did), looking for a better job (had too, LOL), standing for yourself (I do every day)....

If you continue to let the word Cancer consume your life, yes, you w/ never move beyond.  And yes, most of us are still here because BC united us, but after all the fight was done (and some of us are still fighting it), our hearts were bonded forever.

Let me share with you what I told my co-workers the first day I went back to work after being diagnosed (which was the very next day): "I have BC, I am going to fight it; hopefully, I will win; and nothing, NOTHING, about me has changed, I am still the same person, please treat me the same as before!"

Did I care to hear words of compassion,  but off course... but please, don't put me six feet under b/c I was not done.

There are two things I see about you, loosing your sister to BC and your own BC.  It's very hard to go through what you went through (I cannot even imagine), but in this case what you cannot control, you have to let it go and start enjoying the rest of your life.  Life is too short not to enjoy it full blast.

Be happy, enjoy your son, live to see him grow up, graduate, get married, have grandchildren... that is my goal.

Welcome to Moving Beyond.

Always me, 

BethNY

I know I am moving beyond cancer.  Last night, I stayed home to watch the JETS tank in Monday night football, while my fiance attended a breast cancer event. tee hee.

NoH8

Every life experience changes us in some way or another and adds to our overall body of knowledge about ourselves and the world. We can choose whether that be for the positive or the negative. Cancer is like the ripples of a stone being thrown into a pond and the effects to those who love us, but that doesn't always have to be negative. People around me are much more vigilant about  BSE and mammograms. I had my semiannual appt with my oncologist yesterday and wasn't nervous or concerned. As I was leaving my onc said she'd call me. I looked at her dumbly and asked why. She said, "I always call you with your (blood) test results." DUH. A few years ago I would be obsessing waiting for the results, now I just assume everything is fine. Even though in the back of my mind i always know there is the possibility of recurrence, I'm not going to be ruled by fear any more.

 I guess what I'm trying to say is that here is moving on from cancer, but that just means no longer being held hostage to the cancer, not that life is as if the cancer never happened.

farila_1966

Thanks for the answers... I am pondering and still thinking over the issue. You all have given me different answers and sort of everyone is right in their own way. Cancer has made me a better and stronger person than I was. Sure it has given me more courage to face life. Few years ago when my Mom was dx with BC I felt I needed a support group and so went looking online and found many wonderful friends from US there. I had been to US to meet them recently with my kids

 I have avoided the thought of recurrence just because it is too frightening for me to dwell on it. This board is very helpful and I have been reading a lot of posts in past few days.

NaughtybyNature

Hi farila... glad to "see" U w/ better spirits.

My mom was born in India and lived there until she was 18.

BernadetteD

A good question you have asked. For me I guess it depends upon what moving beyond means. I think I will live with the reality that the cancer can return at any time and that gives me a whole different perspective on life. I do think you get get back to focusing on living the life that is left to you and doing the things you can that are important to do. Certainly my body is not the same. Yet, still having watched my mother as she was dying, I still can do so many things and have a good quality of life in comparison to many in her rehabilitation center.

Would I ever really want to move beyond cancer? The awareness I have now of the fragility of life and the preciousness of not feeling naustious, exhausted or burnt to death sometimes makes me so grateful. It puts into perspective what is important.

magsandmattsmom

Can we move on in the sense that we go back to who we were?  I honestly don't think so.  Can we move in the sense that we live, laugh, love - everything we did before but now with a new heart - absolutely! That's my take anyway.

BMac

Well said Mags.  That was what I was getting at in my post.  You can't be the person you were before because you've changed.  We have been through a life changing experience.  Can we still have a good life?  Of course.

DragonladyTina

Cancer has changed me for sure, I will never be the same as before cancer but I am still happy, laughing and loving, now even moreso than before. I don't take much for granted anymore. I am grateful and appreciative of everything I have these days.

best wishes, Tina

farila_1966

Thank you once again for your insights. I have been giving more attention to myself and enjoying life after cancer. I have been near to death where I felt I could lose everything I have.. my kids, family etc so I make the most use of everything I have.

I am still living a good life after 12 years of survival and hope to do so again though there are one of those days even now when I feel frustated with cancer and sound very upset at being a survivor. But the feeling doesn't last for more than 2 hrs ...