OT - carpooling kids to school

samon

Hi all, Just thought I would post here to see if I get any replies as my post in moving beyone just gets looks.

I am in a carpool for my child's school because there is a group of about six or seven families that live in our area and all go to the same school and bussing is not provided.  We have many different opinions on how the carpool should work and some of us just silently sit by and keep our thoughts inside because we dont' want to rock the boat. 

One problem is that two of the people have cars and can only pick up one other child.  The rest have vans and are made to do at least two or three stops to get the vans full.  Also, the two that have cars have about seven less trips to make a month then the rest of the van people.  How do I bring this up without getting others mad.  I don't think it's right that they are driving that much less then the rest of us.  Or....is that being too petty. 

Also, we get reimbursed about $500 per child per year from the school district for taking our kids to school.  If you have three kids you get $1,500.  But...those people are driving no more or less than the rest of the people that only get $500.  My hubby thought that everyone should pool the money togeter and then divide it by the number of drivers, but I just know that won't fly because these people just all think everything is rosey while I think we should try to make this a little more fair. 

I had thoughts about pulling out of the carpool, but that would just make them mad, because they count on me driving. (that was "joking" mentioned once before...that they need me) Some of them work and have days they can't drive and since I don't work I'm always available.  Anyone have any thoughtful comments or tips.  This just gets me so worked up inside.  If I stay silent, I get upset with myself, but if I speak up I'm afraid they will all think I'm being too petty (that has come up before when one person said "oh...I never count how many times each of us is assigned to drive.  I sure hope no one else does that")  Basically the fairness of the drives bothers me more than the reimbursement issue.  And, maybe this does sound a little petty, but when you are rushing to get kids off too school in the morning and have to leave half and hour earlier when you drive carpool, it does get stressful. 

LisaF

Hi Samon,

It does stink when you feel like you are being "used" a bit.  However, if possible, I would just let it go.   It is easy for me to say, but I'm a bit jaded because of a situation I had years ago.

My kids are  now 13 and 17, but when my 17 year old was in lower elementary school I had to travel a lot for work.  We were pretty broke and I didn't have a choice.  Well, a mom of one of my son's classmate took my son to all of his after school activities, even if her son wasn't in the same one.  And, this mom had a total of 4 kids!   She was just so gracious, it was incredible.  She said she felt so lucky not to be working and having the ability to help out.  She reiterated that she knew I would do the same if needed.

Now things have changed and I'm fortunate that while I still work, I have a very flexible schedule.  And, I'm the one running around picking up kids and bringing them home.  Sometimes people ask me why I don't get mad because it seems like I'm doing way more than my share of the running around. I get comments like this,  "Everybody knows you will do it!  Why don't you put your foot down!"

Anyway, I just smile and say no, it doesn't bother me a bit.  Good karma is heading my way!   And, I love listening to the kids interact.  Also, I now realize how quickly time flies.  My 17 year old now drives himself and I feel like I've lost touch with all of that car time. 

Hang in there!

Lisa

   

nash

I agree with Lisa--just let it go. You're not going to get anywhere trying to get the other parents to drive equal amounts, and it sounds like some of them can't drive more b/c of their work schedules. Unless a very organized, equitable driving schedule is spelled out from the beginning, in writing, and everyone agrees to the schedule, it is pretty much impossible to get people to change after the carpool and the school year have started. And even though you have a legitmate point that some people are driving more than others, other people in the carpool obviously don't see it that way, and will resent you for speaking up. And it sounds like unless everyone is a stay-at-home mom with a van (of which I am one ), it's impossible to get an equitable driving arrangement going b/c of people's work schedules and available seating.

BTW, I thought it was really interesting that your school district pays you in lieu of busing. Seems like they'd just provide busing, if they've got available funds to pay parents to drive. Our district just eliminated busing, as did several districts in the area, and we were instructed to carpool, walk or bike to school. No checks coming my way, unfortunately! Just look at your stipend from the district as a paycheck for shuttling your kids' classmates around.

samon

Thanks for your input.  I will try to let it go, but it's hard when I'm the one being asked to make exceptions that others are not asked to do.  For example, putting my oldest child in the front seat even though he really isn't old enough to be there.  Another family has a child a little taller and in the same grade and they aren't asked or do they offer to do that.  Then last year they wanted me to take my child that sits in the five point harness seat and drop him off at someone's house (even though he has separation issues and they know that)....and unhook the car seat so I could make room for another child.  Then after I drive the kids to school I could go back and hook the carseat back in and pick up my child.  It was mentioned to me at least three times last year that it would work much better if I did that.  I refused and I know at least one parent wasn't happy about that.

This year the two car drivers have smaller children taking up a seat and no one has asked them to do that. (By the way, I would never expect someone to even think of doing that...I was just upset that I was even asked to do that)  I am trying to be kind, but it keeps getting harder.  I did go out of my way last year to keep one of the car parents in the carpool buy picking up an extra kid for over half the year that she was suppose to pick up and couldn't fit in her car because she was babysitting for another child and that child took up the last open seat.

nash

I can see where this carpool group frustrates you, samon, especially based on your last post. Frankly, they'd drive me crazy (no pun intended), too! I'm a stickler for safety issues, and if I were you, I would put my foot down on issues like having your oldest in the front seat when he isn't old enough. It's dangerous, and you could potentially get ticketed for it. I also wouldn't want to be reinstall the car seat daily--that's ridiculous, and good for you for standing up for yourself on that one.

It sounds like this carpool group is dominated by casual people who don't give a second thought to a lot of these issues. Maybe it would be best to drop out of the carpool? I'd be tempted to. It's one thing to pick some kids up from school, and it's another to have safety issues and have the other parents take advantage of your schedule flexibility.  

BMac

I agree with nash.  Stand your ground about your child being in the front and the moving of the car seat (and leaving your child with someone else!).  Those are unreasonable requests.  You're already going above and beyond.  You don't have to make a big stink.  Just say it isn't possible to remove your younger child and it's illegal for your older child to be in the front.  End of story.  Good luck.

SandyAust

Hi Samon.  I think you should definitely set the boundaries on the things that are important.  You absolutely should not be putting your eldest child in the front seat.  I know plently of parents do this but you obviously like me are very safety conscious.  Put the needs of your child first. 

Just remember that people may not always react the way you want when you set boundaries.  You can't control their reactions, you can only control your own choices.....and smile.

Take care,

 Sandy