Nurses with Breast Cancer
Comments
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Sheila,
I wrote you a little ditty in the Catholics thread. I like it when you are back on the boards
I really liked my scarves too...I felt a little exotic. I did have a wig, but it was mine, and they had just gotten it in, and there were no duplicates. Funny, it was almost my same hair color, so I lucked out. I didn't wear it a lot. How are you treating this possible MRSA? did I read 10% clorox? near your eyes? I'm confused! Help me out, what skin condition do they prescribe selson blue for? Today's Quiz Question!Sheila, I have now forgotten what I originally came on here to talk to you about. My brain RULES!
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Namaste!
Hello everyone. Surgery yesterday went great. No complications. It took about 2 hours in surgery then 1 in PACU and 1 in Phase II and then I went home. They had given me 100 of Fentanyl in PACU and although I felt reasonable I asked for 4 of Morphine to tide me over till I ate a cracker and got the orals on board in Phase II. It must have taken me a pint of water to get the cracker off the roof of my dry mouth. The pillows worked great on the way home I think. I am sort of amnesic for that part. My husband made me toast slathered with marjarine and it was perfect for lunch. I drank tremendous amounts of water yesterday and they had given me 2 liters IV and I have third spaced most of it. I gained 8 pounds from yesterday morning till this morning. I don't know where it is. My LE arm and truncal E actually feel less swollen. We all know the TEs don't weigh that much. I got Allergan 133MX 600 cc. They put some saline in but I don't know how much. But I AM NO LONGER CONCAVE! I even have a tiny bit of cleavage, like a 12-13 year old girl. I love it. I can't stop lifting out my softee and looking at them. They look so good! DH likes them too. And the incision lines look better than before too. OMG I can really picture myself in a swimsuit again. Now, after all that good news I had a very uncomfortable night last night. My pain pills are NORCO which is Hydrocodone 5 Acetaminophen 325. I was taking 2 every 4 hours and they were not relieving it. If I had been in the hospital I would have asked for Morphine. Finally at 4 AM I augmented one of the left over Flexerils from my C spine OR and that helped. That kind of broke the cycle or I cleared the bad peak or something. I slept for 4 hours with crazy dreams and it hasn't been that bad today. Only taking one at a time and my last one was 6 1/2 hours ago and I don't feel like I need one yet. When I go to bed I will take 2 and add a flexeril as I see fit or not.
As to the question of the day I believe they use selson blue for scalp psoriasis and sometimes also for really bad dandruff.
Karla
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Karla,
Yes, psoriasis is what I was thinking about. You are such a hoot, thanks for the Nursing question of the day. Maybe we should have bizarre case study day, non cancer related! I admit I laughed about the cracker. A friend of mind who used to be in the military was really bored one night, and tried to see how many Ritz crackers he could fit into his mouth. Unfortunately, he had quite a few on board about 4:00 AM when his C.O. called. I think water would have been deleterious at that point. But I digress...
Your new boobs, even if just mosquito bites are so exciting! I can only imagine how happy you must be. It is pretty funny to see them "go up" during your fills. You are flat on your back, and they sort of come up over the horizon from your viewpoint.
I am bummed you had such a rough night. Didn't go for the 3 GM tylenol max and go for three Percs? Very glad it is better today, just don't try and be a hero...Sheila and I had the third spacing conversation...I do not diurese until at least 48 hours...and often look like the Michelin Man after surgeries.
Sounds like your neck fared very well? So great to hear from you so soon, and I am thrilled that you and your husband are having so much fun with the new girls. Just wait until they become women..WOOO HOOO!
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Karla - glad to hear all went well. Sorry about the first night pain.
My husband uses selsun blue to treat sun poisoning that he got in the service. Whenver it gets bad he uses that and it seems to work.
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One hundred uses for selson blue....
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NO no NO WE ALL LEARNED FROM ---My Big Fat Greek Wedding ---the answer to all problems is WINDEX--YES?
On of my catashorphies last year was, I got an enterococcuss faecalis infection of rhe scalp __yugh. After studying it , I would have preferred MRSA. After 5 weeks of dermatologist treatment , I did my own research. I found an article from the pedatrics journal Apr 09. They used bleach in a tub bath, < 1 cup, for kids with serious secondary infections caused by scratching because of primary psoriasis.. Long story short, I remembered about reading how a 10% solution is required in restaurants to wipe tables. OSHA doesn't require personnel to where gloves for protection. So, I made a 10% solution --used am/pm first day, am for next 2 days, then was recultured that after noon. Warned by derm. that there would likely be staph because it's a normal flora of the scalp skin. Results ---no e faecalis , no staph, nada. Cured. I did notice I had to continue maybe once a month for awhile. Symptoms were related to flashing.
I am flashing now because I am weaning off my pain med. So, head is wet at night. Don't know if it is in a chronic state, but my 10% solution is the only thing controlling it. But original site is painful. Infection started after using minixodil. I should have had the bottle tested , but didn't.
I'm still on pain med because my docs at the time did not believe the pain I was in, was related to Arimidex. I found out in mid to late Feb through the drug checker GENELEX that I had been overdosed on cytoxan/taxotere, arimidex and Femara because of an adverse drug interaction with Norvasc. Those overdoses put me into a chronic wide spread pain cycle CWP-fibromyalgia. ALso, caused major damage to patellas and acetabular ring cysts.Now I'm trying to get off the pain meds to see what is underneath........Just my usual old post polio pain or what?
Lived with postpolio my whole life. But what those drugs did last year took me too a pain level that was 100 on a ten scale. ALL because my docs and pharmacists didn't do a drug interaction run that they had available to them. Post polio patients for unknown reasons feel pain more acutely than the average person, and react to all medication differently than the NORMAL persons. Anesthesia can be particularly dangerous and all recommended sources on PP recommend an overnight stay because of potential complications. Handing articles to my docs never did any good because 99.9% had no direct care or knowledge of polio. Add to that the overdoses. OH well thats fucked.
For example, drug interaction checker stated that Arimidex/Femara ENHANCED by 25-75 % by Norvasc. We as nurses know what that translation is------OVERDOSE. I was PISSED. I trusted in their care, and I was damaged. CF. So, I have had to be on Savella -classification SNRI approved in 09 for fibromyalgia, and a pain reliever Fentanyl---which the drug checker pointed out is a Prseroternergic drug---Duh it enhances SNRI and SSRI's, ergo is a danger to anyone on those drugs if that is an unknown..
Previous to this, pain ranged from 3-7. Rarely went higher. Worst after 13-15 hr shifts. Then a 10 or more.. When I asked for someone to take me to my car in a wheelchair, they all knew it was bad. They could tell by the way I was walking or not walking by the end of a shift. The joke on the unit was "I feel like Sheila". WEll rarely did I take any pain med. I accepted this was a life long situation and "just deal with it"
ANYOne on aromasin It can be enhanced by norvasc by 150%.
ASked to be genetically tested to see if tamoxifen would work---Onc has never put in request to insurance even though he has it in 2 sets of notes that it was requested. The insurance company verified no such request made since January. He is being fired this week.
When I first brought up the genetic testing re:Greg---His ONC's jawed dropped and eyes widened and said "I don't even know that stuff... In one of Greg's last visits one of the nurses was relating how they were going to have to start genetically testing to make sure the drugs the were giving would work. WELL I know they are doing it because of my questioning. the big boss_my ONC doesn't like to behind anything. It will help others , but i feel like we were left in Sherwood forrest.
What will be tested is metabolic pathways in the liver that have to do with cytochrome P450. The paths that can be tested are 2d6,2c9,2c19, ANd 3 more. The most troublesome one doesn't have a test yet. It is 3A4. Genelex is a great teaching site. It has a 30 day free trial. You can learn alot. Use the teaching video. I didn't at first. It was amazing how much easier it was after watching the video--LOL.
Karla----The search term you might want to study is SURGICAL STRESS RESPONSE. Short story--whomever maybe you said surgical trauma was right --body believes it is being attacked. Sends out messages from the whole pituitary/hypothalamus/midbrain/medulla to stimulate the sympathetic system which causes the FRIGHT/FLIGHT response. All the chemicals produced in that situation are produced during surgery. Hence the retention of fluids. It's only after the body no longer preceives danger that diuresis occurs. Only know this because of toxemia during pregnancy. Same mechanism. 25 years ago it was a hard search, now a few seconds. It's a big reason why anesthiologist load patients up with fluids, they are trying to trick the kidney into not responding to all the chemicals telling it to retain fluids. Too often you just end up looking like a puff ball, then end up days of peeing like a racehorse. I believe thats a mixed metaphor, again LOL , unless it's you sitting on the peepot. Personaly, after my body decided it was okay after toxemia , I lost 37 lbs in 10 days. Ring around the butt.
Squid I will go to CT and find your note. Wish we were in Vegas. Maybe we all should decide to go meet someplace like The Ta Ta's are doing this week. I can tell you I spent a lifetime of being careful and frugal(cheap). Don't feel that's the way to go(literaly) now. The cruise last week was very good. Came home to play Scarlett again. Frigging tired of the bleeping paperwork. Flying can be dangerous if you want to avoid lyphedema. So, where do we travel too without getting on a plane? ?????? L&H&N SAS
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I want a pony for all future trips
I am going to write more, great explanations, and interesting tip on the website!
Sheila, I wanted to ask if you had ever used clonidine patch (Catapres Patch.) It helps blunt the flashing rebound feeling. Been there Been there. I hope you can find something to help ameliorate your symptoms...I certainly know and understand CPW and fibro. Now that sucks big time.
TTYL,
traci
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Nurse here!
I'm still on the recovery road from BMX and immediately reconstruction. My recovery has been hampered by a section of the scar on the left side that is not healing as I would like it to heal. This can compromise the implant on that side. I'm starting meditation tonight to tell my body to heal. I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE THE IMPLANT. Healing is delaying my chemo FEC x 3 and D x3. I'll be treated evey 3 weeks.
I'm not concerned about the delay becuase I got the surgery and feel that we got breasts off, even with 2 positive SLNs I feel that I do have time. I'm just wanting to get to that point and getit over with.
I've been offered a PICC line. I'm still making the decision about that.
So it is good to see other nurses here (and not good to see at the same time). We truly do walk a bit off the regular path don't we.
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Hi Pit Pat,
I remember years ago, reading about the findings of increased risk of BC amongst people who worked night shifts. Now, I don't know where that stands today, but certainly that stuck in my mind, as they were looking at Nurses in particular due to the ready sample of night shift workers.
My chemo was delayed 6 weeks due to my drains and cellulitis. My scar healing was delayed a bit on the cancer side, and my drains were in for 5 weeks, then my TE was punctured during a fill, so I had to get another one and go through the drain issues again.
But I did keep them and still have them, waiting for exchange in the spring. It wasn't looking good for a minute, but I made it through. I'm not sure when you had your surgery, maybe sometime in September? Are you about three weeks post mastectomy? I'd check your posts, but then mine would disappear...hang in there Pat. What's the reasoning for the PICC line, are you on extended antibiotics? I did get a port, and am very glad that I did. It doesn't bother me at all, it took about a week to get over the discomfort. Is this something that would available to you? Please keep us posted, and let's keep the Nurse love going!
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thanks squid for the reply. My surgery was Sept 8. I have a spot where the skin was scarred so blood supply was wonky. It didn't take too well and is now healing by secondary intention. The area is about 3 cm by 1.5 cm and one corner is now about 3 mm deep and it is triangle shaped.
I've been offer the PICC just save my viens. I don't think we offer port before PICC. I'm up for 6 treatments and blood work, all can be done through the PICC. Its just having the PICC and all the precautions of of the line itself over a 18 week period that I'm debating. I'll be asking about a port as well, but even that...ugh.
Bad day spent in bed today. Trying to pull my head out of the sand and deal with it all. Just wish this healing thing would hurry up.
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Pat,
Too bad they don't offer you the port first, but it sounds like your health care system's rules. I do everything with my port...swim and all. How are your veins? Mine were bad to begin with, and finished after my IV antx. Do you MD's have any tricks up their sleeves to help with the healing? Is the TE giving to much stretch on the area, and that's why you are thinking you may lose it? Is this Plastics? I hope this gets better for you, and it sounds like you are having a rough go. Do you all have support groups with your cancer center? It's just so hard to go through these things and not have people who understand. I would even suggest starting a new thread here to see who else has gone through what you are currently facing. From one Nurse to another, what can we do to help you from isolating? Don't make me come up there!
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PIt Pat I would say go for the port. The infection risks between each are unknown to me because I haven't done an evidence based research. But from applied experience, the complications from a PICC can be serious. DVT & infection control for two. The advent of the port in reducing damage to vascular tissue is it's greatest claim.
When I asked for a port my doc denied me. Yet, my husband's doc insisted he have a port. My tx was to be for four c/t, my husbands was for six. No one could/ would /or did give me an adequate explanation why he was offered a port and I wasn't. We both had snl bx's --so, we each had only one arm for use for the rest of our lives. My first chemo, I was stuck 5x's by three chemo nurses. The final stick was below 2 of the puncture site attempts And near two others. Chemo leaked into extravascular space from three of the puncture site attempts & maybe the fourth also, to hard to tell because they were so close. The discoloration it caused took more than a year to disappear. I didn't have any more chemo because I had a really bad reaction. Which if you look at my post above I talked about the drug interaction.
My husband Had his 2nd recurrence chemo that had to be done in the hospital. He recieved daily tx's for four days. He received one chemo tx through an arm vien after he indavertently pulled his iv out in the middle of the night. They reinserted a peripheral, He complained of pain at the site. His chemo nurse poohpoohed him. The next shift chemo nurse found the infiltration. The area was very dark and hard until he passed away. At least it didn't slough.Which was a real possibility.
A port put in by a competent doc , used properly, has so many saftey features. Read up about power ports. In a do over, I would have changed docs until I found one who would put in a port. Once in keep as long as you can because we would like to predict that one round of chemo will do the trick. BUT.........
Just like Squid says her arm viens are shot. If you can't use the SLN bx side . Your left with the legs for labs, BP's, and anesthesia. There is the lymphedema site that discusses these problems at length.
Come to the Catholic Thread. All faiths are welcome. It's a great spiritual group.There also a an alternative treatment thread that has a meditation component. You'd have to do some sleuthing to find it. I've heard some discussion of it, but can't retrieve the memory.
What are you using in wound site Dressing care?
Good luck with healing. Sheila
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Squid--I was put on clonidine when i first became hypertensive. It caused a hand neuropathy. It was stopped real quick. Hands recovered.
TTYL lets see Hmmmm. Tough titties yell loud? Got it "talk to you later"?
We could do an amtrak trip To a dude ranch with ponies. But with our foobs we shouldn't likely be using reigns.
Actually a cruise would be really nice. I'm 20 minutes from port canaveral. Our cruise director was really experienced at arrangements and there were no foul ups. Food was great. First time I ate well in over a year.
TTYL SAS
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Namaste!
Sas, you have been through the wringer so many times. How do you keep bouncing back?
I am doing fine from my TE placement. I just can't stop looking at the tiny mounds. It is hard to believe I am not concave and I keep looking at my chest for assurance. I could fill a training bra for sure. My PS says though he doesn't want any compression or support at this time. I go to the PS office tomorrow for incision and drain check. I will be 6 days post op. I do have some discomfort but during the day it does not bother me so much. I still take two Norcos at bedtime so that the discomfort doesn't keep me from a good nights sleep.
Karla
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Namaste!
I forgot something VERY important. Principal Insurance (who manages my company's self insured plan) had denied the payment for my prophylactic mastectomy that was done this April. I appealed and the surgeon's office appealed. Principal denied the surgeon's office appeal but the Medical Advisory Committe at work approved mine. Not too sure how they can separate the two. So, since I have already met all my outof pocket and they are in network I should have to pay nothing. That was good news. Also today we received a gift of $500 for replacement of our clothes dryer which has been drying just fine but unfortunately randomly scorching our clothes. We have had about 20 years on the dryer and put a fair amount of money in it so we will be happy to get a new one. Now just to shop and decide what we want.
Karla
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Karla---glad you got a new dryer. They are the number one source of house fires.
When you say we have been through the ringer. If I had kept a record of all the fouls ups and bad medical errors for both of us, I'm sure it would be hard to believe. It's what I'm having the most difficult time from recovering from. It was a system I have been involved with for 41 years, starting still in my 18th year. There was not hardly a single contact that did have a foul up. That really sucks.
Karla did you check out the catholic thread re: your namaste story? told my pastor about it today and he said " Wish we would have thought of that first".
Hope the neck is doing fine?
PIT PAT---how's your healing going?
Namaste sheila
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Sheila and Hi Karla!!
I wanted to address the medical errors too. Thank God, most of my care has been pretty good, less the horrific post mastectomy care on the Surgical Floor. I was disgusted, sicker than I ever needed to be, and swear a nurse came in, read my People Magazine for 20 minutes, without barely saying a word to me and left the room. I didn't want to bother her in her sacred Nursy moment. The only Nurse on that floor that gave me good care was....wait for it...a breast cancer survivor. In her words to the MD, let's get her out of here before she gets any sicker.
I again, want to say the rest of my care, especially my treasured Oncology Infusion Nurses, were Angels.
Yesterday, I was trapped in thoughts again of the disasterous care my mother received after I brought her to DC for treatment of her Pancreatic Cancer. I could list ten events alone that will haunt me through my days. I felt responsible for leading her to this place where they failed her. One example? Showing up in the morning, my mother in excrutiating pain with her epidural delivering narcotics to the floor having been dislodged MANY hours earlier if I calculated the amount of the puddle verses her flow rate.
sorry ladies, I had to get that out. I just cannot forgive myself bringing her to DC then her dying here. At least Hospice turned it around and gave us 12 more days to be with her in comfort.
Namaste. Off to cry
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Update:
Well I lost my implant on my left side. The wound dehisced and the implant came through. Ithought it was a seroma. I had had wound debridement last monday, tuesday I called my PS officeto book an appt. PS gone till the 18th. Wed wound begins to leak like crazy. Thursday I change dressing and there is something like a blister sticking out. i see wound nurse and she suggests that wound edges need cleaning up and reuturing. Go to GP (fam doc) and he says I need to go see my PS. Well I can't see PS BECAUSE HE IS ON HOLIDAYS FOR ANOTHER 10 DAYS! I love this doc...but his hands were tied. And he was leaving for week the next day too. I call my Gen. Surg. He is gone till the 12th. Finally friday I go to te ER and say WTF? ER doc does u/s and says "its you implant". Nearest PS that can help is 4 hours away (I live in rural south east BC). So on this Thanksgving holiday weekend with family in town, my hubby and I pack up and head out Satrurday mornng for the trip to Kelowna. I must say that our health system has been awesome. I meet with the PS on call and hesays we have to get the implant out, let it all heal down then recon later when all treatments are done. He says we can do surgery in 5 hours sine I had eaten breakfast.
So I had sugery that night, spent the night wth hubby at the Canadian Cancer Society Rotary Lodge (an amazing place and only $41/night for me and my hubby as a medical escort also got to stay for thesame price). Surgery was quick, recovery was great and we were on the way home the next day.
S today I've had my second HCN visit and the wound is ugly. BUT it looks great healing wise. Evrything is pink pink pink.
So now I'm here and healing...again! But this time I'll go all the way. I'll be phoning chemo booking and begin my chemo education. I'll also call to see the internist we have that oversees all the chemo tx. I'll ask him to order the port and book the time. I'll finish healing both sites and chemo can begin the end of next week (hopefully).
Well thats mt plan...lets see now what life brings.
Thanks for listening.
Patti
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Squidwitch: I think the one thing that I'm learning is that it really is up to the person recieving the care to keep an eye on everything going on. Educating our selves to prevent problems. I've worked in patient advocay in the perinatal sector too long to know that the MDs have our best interests at heart.
Should Coulda Woulda...we can only do what we know and what we think is best in the moment that it presents itself. This includes how we cared for others. Don't beat yourself up, forgive yourself for not being perfect and allow yourself to have been your mom's scared daughter and not her "daughter the nurse who should have known better". Love yourself and know you did the best you could.
I watched one nurse do my dressing and she broke technique in a way that left me gobsmacked. Now the infection that was diagnosed the next day could have been from reaction to dead tissue, or some other source, but over all, I keep thinking of all the things I got against me I didn't need one more variable added. ykwim.
It is so hard to just go through this and want to trust and knowing that that is where mistakes happen. We can not do this. We can not believe that the medical professionals have our best interests at heart and see the WHOLE picture of our journey through this.
I am my own navigator. I don't have anyone that keeps their eyes open and has their thinking cap on all the time when I can't. It is hard. And it is hard to notice care that is substandard when as a nurse you kow better.
Elizabeth Cohen had a documentary on last week called "The Empowered Patient". It was really good...I think the medical community realizes now that they must listen twice as much as they speak now. And just because they have an opinion, it does not mean they are right.
I hope your heart heals from your sorrow about your mom's care. BTDT. Don't beat yourself up.
Patti B.
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Squidwich-do we expect too much when we need to get care? I've always thought I should get the kind of care I try to give every patient, and when I complain about care not meeting my expectations I've been told I expect too much. Like you, some of the things that have happened haunt me still. Filing complaints with the department head, JCAHO, and the state licensing board gave me a little (very little) satisfaction. It must be harder when the poor care happens to a family member. No need to apologize, letting this stuff out is helpful, and we all here can understand the feeling, and the need to rant and rave occasionally. Here's a tissue, and I've got a free shoulder if you want-
PitPat-you poor thing! I can't imagine seeing an implant come through a dehisced wound like that. I was thinking there had to be a PS covering for yours while he was away, but maybe that's not how it works in Canada? Glad the surgery was quick and easy and you could get home quickly. Hope your plan works out as planned. And you are so right that we have to watch out for ourselves when we are patients, but it's so hard to do that effectively when you are in pain, doped up on pain medication, or just plain to scared to think straight. And as nurses we're not expected to feel the same way that "regular" patients are. It irritates me to no end when I see that happening.
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Thank you both so much. Yes, I was a scared daughter, and just wanted to be her daughter and not always her caregiver..if that makes sense. I would have done anything for her, but I also needed to just be by her side. Thank God for Hospice, that I was allowed to breathe again, and they took over and loved her to the next life. But I thank you both, because I have not been able to share that before.
Pat,
I am so very sorry for what you have gone through. I am glad that the skin is a pretty pink and pray that you continue to heal. We'll be with you during you chemo, please feel free to share anything.
Native and Pat,
Thank you both again. I have a smile now. I can even see my mom smiling too.
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Patti ditto to what NM said. Don't let them start chemo before chest site healed. It can permanently interrupt healing. Found this out when Greg's had to be delayed because of a spider bite in Jan. His time was quite long 5 weeks, but I trusted the surgeon--he was the only one with which there was no foul up. He excised about a golf ball size abcess. Similarly when he put his port in in Apr, he said it could be used the same day. I'm guessing it was the difference between a clean and dirtyenvenomated wound? I would just ask the surgeon their recommendation.
I'm guessing you won't let the nurse that didn't have a clue about sterile dressing changes near you again.
Squid I feel your same feelings, I brought my DDad to Akron, to the hospital I worked at. In 7 months there were 5 hospital admissions, all had big screw ups which I caught except the last one. They put him on dialysis 2 days in a row , They didn't do Sat. dialysis. He died on dialysis--no suction in the room, no crash cart, nurse not acls certified, no oxygen, in a part of the building that was underconstruction---so the code team was late finding the room. His autopsy showed he had a blocked trachea. Did I say no suction. I was the first to the room and than the team got there with the cart, then my boss who was a board certified Er doc and ACLS instuctor trainer. I told him to get in there before they killed him__new residents___I'm outside the room and I hear him keep saying "some one check the airway and suction" over and over. I never tried to prove it, but I don't believe that Crash cart suctions, have the power that wall suction has.
The irony is my whole day was spent teaching Mega code to my paramedic students. The paramedics could run rings around the residents because of what we demanded in practice.
I agree it took along time to work through those feelings. Then I compare what happened to Greg and me. Then I listen to all the stories here and on the other threads. WTF how do we make it through any of it. Each of us aren't perfect, but some of the egregious errors I have seen and been told about I know I have never been part of. We could go one for hours telling stories. How is this happening. I advise anyone going in for surgery to have someone stay the night. With Greg I didn't for the first few because his mind was solid, but when it started to changed someone camped in. Steve even learned to recognize the errors and he has no medical background. The last error we talked about tonight was the resp. tech trying to do a radial stick on the arm that had a limb alert bracelet. She was moving it out of the way. DUH complete breach of hospital policy. I stopped her . But her response was snippy and she said if she couldn't get it from the other arm SHE WOULD take from the snl arm. I said like hell you will. Went to the CEO with that one. 6 weeks no response. Steve's remark tonite was he could see the pain on his dads face. Don't know if her technique was intentional or just bad. Radial sticks aren't comfortable, but........
I hope when I go, I just fall asleep one nite and don't wake up in the morning. Then I won't have anything to complain about.
Squid I hope you have been able to let go of some of the anger. I'll keep that in my prayers. I've kind of taken the attitude that God wanted Greg home, and trying to fix things kept him from going. I suppose it's a rationalization, but otherwise it's to painful. It's not happening fast. I still am in the bed retreat phase. But the Catholic thread and church are helping tremendously. Again your work there is tremendous. I'm not sure you even realize you are the glue for it. Since you have come on board it has blossomed like a cherry tree in spring.
Namaste Sheila
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Sweet Sweet Sheila,
Thanks so much for the kind words. I have to say, I was welcomed with such trueness of heart on the Catholic thread, that I just kept coming back. I had other threads where I would be basically talking to myself, and people writing around me. I barely received a nod of recognition. It's a thread where I "should" be, but am not. I am happy for this, as it pushed me right where I needed to be. The whole door window thing. I am learning so much from everyone, and really stretching to reach a place where I have wanted to be for so long. I am happy.
When I hear all of our struggles with what our loved ones and ourselves have had in hospitals. I am sad! I agree, NO ONE is perfect, much less me. I try very hard, and listen to people. Icannot imagine having been outside of dialysis with your Dad going through what he did. They should have shut that place down after the last patient was finished that day. Unacceptable. I have had patients stop me when they were concerned with the meds, to find our they had some very important info to share. The patients know themselves best, and if they are unable to speak, well, God bless those who stay at the bedside. It can be a double edged sword at times, but I have also had families that were right there with me, being my eyes when I was down the hallway, telling me that their loved one was not acting right. They were the best to tell me their loved one's baseline. They also helped me learn. Some were downright obstructive, but I too would try too work with them. ( a few come to mind
But today, I think we have to go in and stay with our loved ones, and I learned that the hard way. I even would find my mom's nurses, talk to them, and then come back the next day to see, all was not well, and some had not been her advocate as I thought they would be. If your gut says stay, then stay. Later I will share the day I tried to get someone to go into her room, while calling from my house. Bring a barf bag for that one.Alright, I am off, and praying for a good day.
Namaste.
(take good care Pat!)
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thought I'd share a journal entry I wrote last night. I have not been able to write since the surgery ans so this felt very good to finally get it down and out. I am a burn survivor from the age of 6 that is what the scarring issue is all about.
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/23/topic/759236?page=0#post_2029607 see the post here.
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Pat,
I couldn't go to the link, but did read back over your posts...was it titled something like staying abreast in life?
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Yes squid it was.
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I'll give it the full read then
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Karla read and then completely forgot about your foobs. How are they doing. They best advise I can give you is demand in writing how much you agree to be filled with at final exchange. My doc from day one knew that I didn't want big foobs because I had implants in 1980 that had been to big. I didn't want that for the rest of my life . I thought I was getting 500 -600 maybe . He did 850. There heavy and they're work, to keep casules from forming. I said at one point, in a do over, that if he put more in the final fill at exchange, that i would get to put the disputed amount in his testicles.
Try to leave at least close to 10 days between fills. Two weeks even better. Less painful by far. Did they leave a flap under your arm for the nipple recon? Can lead to sleep disruption if your a side sleeper. Be aware so you can work out alternative ways of sleeping.
So sorry on the miss. Namaste Sheila It's 6 am must sleep.
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Namaste!
Sheila: Thanks for your words. I did browse some of the Catholic thread but not all of it so far. I see where some are using the Namaste.
I had the TEs put in on 9/29. 150 cc put in during the OR in each. Yesterday was my first fill at 50 cc each. Where I was concave before surgery I was no longer concave. After yesterday I did not feel any skin stretch and it appeared that perhaps the mounds covered a little more space but no projection. No discomfort till at night when my "rib cage" felt achy. Don't know if that was related. My TEs are allergan mx 600. My PS does not do greater than 50 cc at a time but does like to do weekly fills. I can totally control it though with how I schedule the appointment.
I don't think it is related to the fill but it was a bit disturbing tonight to lift up my vest to look at the little girls and saw that the left incision had been draining during the day. The drainage was mostly dry, about 10 cm in diameter on my top. When I looked close at the incision I can see a very small area of the incision that has opened, perhaps 2mm at most. If I gently push on the skin above or below the opening, small amounts of serosanguinous drainage comes out. There is no tenderness (it is in the numb area of the chest actually), no reddness, increased warmth or swelling of the tissue. No signs of pus. I had a tentative appointment scheduled for tomorrow in hope that my drains would be ready (day 16) but they are still draining about 50/24 hours. I am sort of torn about whether to go in or just ask to speak to someone. The reason for that is that I have caught some kind of respiratory virus from my husband and have a really bad cough and some fever. My husband had fever for 3 days and I am concerned we might have influenza and I do not want to carry that into the PS office. Actually I am thinking maybe parainfluenza and not the bad kinds. Adults don't usually get fevers of 101 with a cold but influenza usually brings a higher fever than that. Oh, well. I will definitly be calling them as soon as the office opens in the AM.
Karla
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Enjoy reading how everyone is doing, and where the're at in their tx. I had genetic testing done. Since I am having chemo first,figure it may affect what type of surgery to have. Chemo#6 on my 25th wedding annersary! It is wearing me down. How does anybody that's had a lumpectomy deal with not worrying to death of reoccurance. Constantly second quessing myself about what to do about surgery.
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