i dont know what to do, my aunti has breat cancer

malaz000

hi, my name is malaz , Sudanese, iam 20 years old, and studying at university in UK, two months ago i have discovered that my aunti is coming to UK for breast cancer treatment. we have a breast cancer history in the family, so it wasnt very devastating but it is still hurts as i love her as my mom, my oldest aunti has survived breast cancer  after going for all chemo and radio theraby 2 years ago. now my aunti is in UK for the same purpose.. i have been taking care of her solely for the past 9 weeks , because other family memebers couldnt not come to help her due to many restrictions, i love her and really do all that because i do care but i havnt went out since then and barely seen any other person but her,, she get very depressed if no one is around her and thats is why i accompany her 24hr a day ( is that a normal sidde effet of the treatment, have any 1 experienced that before?).well eventually i had to leave my job.. and by now i spent all my savings, i mean money comes and goes but health is the most important, the good thing is i was on school holiday but now iam starting my uni in 10 days and dunno what to do?? iam thinking of taking her with me to uni ?? but iam worried that she might feel bored...i tried to persue her to join a course,or activity or any group , but she seems scared, imean she asked if i could go there with her too.. my family cant offer much help.. so it is up to me now, i need to know what can i make to make her more independent?? and less scared and isolated?? i dunno how she feels, or what is she sacred of?? i mean some one who had survived might be able to explain to me?? why does she fears other people and gets more attached to me??

one more thing, i sometimes feel exhausted and bored , i mean i do really care about her, but i have no life of my own now at all now, if i was going to meet a friend i have to take her with me too, and have no privacy becuase we are together all the time, i know she loves me and so i do, and thats make me feel sooooooo guilty of having all those feelings i feel like an ungrateful daughter. i have never said that to her or even hint it, i am expressing my feeling now because i know some one must have in this position and can help me through it..please i dont want her to feel that iam bored or exhausted because she will be sad, so i need an advice asap..

regards to all, and really wish u and ur loved ones a good health

mybeautifulsister

Dear Malaz, this is a sad story you tell, I am sorry for your Auntie, I don`t know how old she is but you need to go to your university with out her and without feeling GUILTY, You are a 20 year old young woman with a bright future, you going off without your auntie could possibly be the best thing for her, perhaps it will force her to take some intiative to get involved with people her age, get a job if she can or just to be active in her own health care. Saying this doesn`t mean you can`t be involved. your Auntie knows the love in your heart for her, the worst thing for you is to give up on your dreams to stay with her 24 hrs. a day because you will feel resentful towards her and that won`t help anyone.You both will adjust in time, let her know you will always be there for her. My son is 20 and in college, my sister his Auntie has b/c and he oftens feels he wants to do more for her. Talk to her gently, reassure her your not abandoning her, and go fill your dreams, be with your friends and be 20!!!! Good luck

Mary-Lou

I agree, she needs to be alone too. You need to have a life , you are young and I'm sure she knows this. I would tell her that school is important and that you must go.

Don't even offer for her to go. You must have time for yourself. She will be fine. Many women here live alone and have nobody to be with them.

I myself have been alone at times, and it was okay. I just took naps.

How long has she been having treatments? Also many of us had to take an antidepressant, have her ask her ONC for something.