I, a man, needs women advice

andrew_van

Hi,

I am a Canadian and my wife is Asian. She is 32 and got an early breast cancer (stage 2A).

I took a absence from work. We moved temporary in her Country so she get surrounded by her family while having treatment.

She is at her 4th cycle of FEC. We fight often recently because I did not get good sleep for 4 months. My body is not used to tropical weather so my health is not good.

We talked about it and she thinks that I should go back Canada to work. That makes her really sad still but she thinks that is better for both of us. She wants me to be healthy so I can help her better in the future.

I want her to have the best chance to cure. I am afraid that leaving her for a few months could be a bad thing. The relation with her family is ok. But they are not as clean as I am when it is time to cook and that makes her worry a little bit.

I don't know what to decide so I am asking for opinions here.

How would you feel as a breast cancer patient if you were in the same situation as her?

Thanks,
Andrew

Traci-----TripNeg

Hi Andrew,

I'm sorry but, have I misunderstood you? You've been off work for 4 months in the tropics of Asia (I assume) and you're so tired because of same, that it is causing you to fight with your wife who is in treatment for breast cancer?

Please clarify because, I just do not understand that.

Traci

pip57

Andrew,

Right now this should be about your wife.  You really need to be there for her.  She doesn't have the emotional or physical energy to fight with you right now so you either need to just stop it or go.  I think the message you would be sending her by leaving would not be healthy for your relationship.  So please, just suck it up and take a sleeping pill if you need more sleep! 

andrew_van

I am not talking about breaking up with or anything like that.

I should have explain better. There are too many things to write down.

When I say my health is not good, I am having an old prostate problem back. My life insurance and extended health insurance have been cut off until I get back to work in my country. If I am ever diagnosed with a life treating problem over here, I will get nothing and won't be able to support my wife in the future. Sorry, as you can see the problem is more complicated than you probably thought.

I have to be smart in my judgement because I must support her in the future, not just now.

bluedahlia

My recommendation would be to take her back to Canada with you.  I'm sure she can receive the proper treatment in Canada, especially if you are worried about sanitary issues over there.

spar2

Soon as her cycles of chemo is done take her back to Canada and make a home together there.  It would be hard to leave in the middle of chemo so make sure she finishes it.  Things need to be very sanitary since her immune system will be lowered.  Will she go back with you then?  You could go ahead and get a home and started back at work and have everything ready for when she can join you later.  It is such a personal decision to make.

pip57

I have to agree.   When she is finished tx I would head back to Canada with her.  But I don't think being separated right now will be very helpful.  But you have to do what you need to for your health, if it can't wait. 

Sorry if I was a little harsh earlier.  But do try the sleeping aids.  It might help!  

andrew_van

Thanks for your answers!

 She told me she would like me to stay but she will a lot more worry if I get sick. My own health gets up and down. I went to the doctor 3 times since I am here. Of course my problems are little compares to her own but how miserable we will feel if I get a real decease. I will try to stay for her 5th treatment depending on my health. Her family would like me to go back because in their culture, man has to work and take care of money.

I will like to bring her back Canada now but that is not recommended during a treatment. She has a really good doctor here.  She is coming to join me after in Canada.

It is still fighting in my head rather to stay or not until the end of chemo. It is becoming a stress source by itself.

I love her and hope I will do the right thing.

Route53

Andrew,

 I guess it depends upon your sickness.  Obviously the best thing is if you can stay and be by her side.  But if you become ill and a burden to others and she has to worry about you, I'd go home and take her with you if you can.  My goal as a caregiver to my wife is to make sure i give her all the support that I can personally, but if I get in the way, I have to move over and let someone else do the heavy lifting.

Erik

http://route53.wordpress.com