How could this be happening...My mom has cancer

Tawnyaleester

I am 24 years old and my Mom who is 49 was just diagnosed with Breast cancer.  I was shocked to say the least.  We have no history of it in our family so I was really thinking it was going to be nothing.  My Mom is a widow and lived 2 hours away from her Doctor.  She Lives 1 hour away from me.  I have a few concernes that I am looking for guidance on,

A) How can I help her through this?  My Mom and I haven't always been very close to eachother but i really want to be there for her and help in anyway but I don't know what t do or say to her. 

She knows nothing of her condition.  She knows that she is in stage 1 or 2 but they won't be sure until she has her partial masectomy.  She told me that is is invasive and noninvasive.  I did a little research and I can't see how that is even possible.  They don't know what type of cancer it is.  I don't know what questions to ask to better inform us.  She doesn't as the doctor any questions...she is scared to know the answers

C) She can't afford to take time off of work she has 2 jobs as it is she is a PreSchool teacher and at nights she works at the front desk of a local resort.  Do you know if there is any type of fincial support while she is doing her treatment if she has to take time off of work? Not to mention she will be driving 4 hours round trip 5 days a week for treatment our gas prices are 4.30 per gallon right now that is going to cost her a fortune.

Any help is appreciated.

dhettish

Oh Tawnyaleester, I am so sorry about the news for your mom. She is so lucky to have a caring daughter like you to be there for her. She is going to have a rough road ahead of her and support greatly helps.

If she is computer savy, encourage her to join us. Here she will find women who know exactly what she is going through and can help and support her through all the chemo and tests and everything that goes along with BC.

I am not sure about financial support. The best thing would be to call your local American Cancer Society and see what is available. Does she have friends and other children who could take turns taking her to the doctor? She should never go alone as she will be hearing so much information that it will be overwhelming and will not be able to comprehend it all. If she has to go by herself, a tape recorder is a good idea. She will soon learn more than she wants to know about BC. We all become semi "experts" on BC and chemo and drugs. More than we ever really wanted to know.

She will get very tired from the chemo/rads and you can help by cleaning her house, preparing her occasional meals.Go to search the forums and look for chemo...before and after and look for a post from RocktheBald about Tips and shopping ideas for chemo. It will give you an idea of what she will be going through. Just be there for her. Just listen. You don't and can't make it go away and saying things like "you'll be fine" can be frustrating to hear. Instead, I liked hearing "I am so sorry, is there anything I can do for you?" Sometimes I just wanted a shoulder to cry on. 

Does she have paid sick time/vacation time which she can use when she has treatments or is too weak or sick to work? If she has a good network of friends at work, some companies allow other employees to donate a day of their vacatio/sick time to a sick employee who has none. She can also check into Social Security Disability but you have to be disabled for 2 years to qualify so that may not be an option but the ACS may know of other programs to help her with.

This is a very scary time but we women do get through this. We have single mom's, single women, and women with no families who get by. I am very fortunate as I only worked part time and my husband was the bread winner in our home and we were not hit too bad financially.

Again, I am sorry. I wish I could be of more help.

Debbie 

Kriddie

I felt the same way when my mom was diagnosed in early June.  She has had a unilateral mastectomy and is starting her first treatment of chemo today.  I have a very close relationship with my mom and we live in the same town so it has been easy for me to go with her to doctor's appointments and help her decipher all of the ins and outs of the treatment for this disease.  I have sort of taken over as far as reading EVERYTHING I can on this site and filling her in on what she should know and ask.  She is one to take things in bits and pieces and by allowing me to kind of "boss" her around in what to expect it seems to take some of the burden off of her and it helps me feel like I am doing something to help.

I would tell your mom just how you feel about her and let her know that even if you haven't been close in the past, you want to do whatever you can to support her and help her get through this period.  Would it be possible for you to stay with her after her surgery? Or, maybe gather your information and go with her to her doctor's appointments.

As far as financial help and leave from work, I really don't know anything on those subjects.  Luckily, my mom has been retired for about a year so she hasn't had that added stress.

I've learned so much from this site, the women here are a wonderful wealth of knowledge.

Good luck to you and your mom.

Kristin

wishiwere

Tawny...I feel for you especially, since last Sept 21st, I had my dx mammo on my dd's 24th Bday.  I was 49.  Although we have a close relationship, I'm sure there are things she felt or went through that she may not have shared.  I'm going to check with her to see if perhaps she'd let me share her my space with you to talk with you about what you will go through. 

We live near one another in the same town, so that has helped ME immensely, b/c my dh works on the road and is only home once a week.  So she was the one who went to appt with me and such when or if I couldn't do it alone. She was a tremendous help in many ways, not the least of was a sound off for my thoughts and feelings too.

The best thing you can do, like kristen said, is to voice your thougths to your mom how you'd like to start fresh and be closer and help her beat this beast!  She may need help with cleaning, shopping, appts weekly and more.  Many of the biopsies, surgery's and test she may need a driver for.  Perhaps being so far away you could help by getting a list of friends together to set up a group that could help in that way after surgery, and tx.

Ask questions and someone will help here all the time too! This is the best place and could also help your mom if she has a computer and internet?