Mother hid breast cancer for 2 years

scaredaboutmymom

My mom is 65 and hid her breast cancer for almost 2 years it is a huge mass and an oozing mess.  I'm 32 years old with 2 children her only grandchildren and I wonder how she could hide this and not take care of it.  It is stage IV, and has spread everywhere, lymph nodes, bones, bone marrow, lungs, and liver.  You name it's there.  How do you love her and not be angry all at the same time???  It's so difficult....  When things could have been so different??? 

Anyone else in the same situation?  Any words of wisdom?

Nikole

Diana63

Nikole, I don't have any words of wisdom I just wanted to say how very sorry I am. Maybe she was to afraid to deal with it, fear is a funny thing and can make you do strange things. As far a being angry, maybe she is just as angry with herself right now. Just keep talking to her and let her know that you are their, even if you are a little angry because she didn't do anything for so long. (((Nikole & Mom)))

dawnjs5k

Nikole,

I was where you are just a little over a year ago.  I knew that my mom had something going on, but I did not know what.  I had asked her about it in August, 1996.  This was at a 1 year after learning something was not right from my dad.  She got very defensive and told me to mind my own business.  She hung up on me and did not call me for a couple of days.  Fast forward to March 26, 2007.  I got a call from my dad and he said my mom had finally gone to the dr.  She was sick, and he said really sick.  At that point we had no information.  The next day I was at her home and went to the surgeon with her.  I was still pretty oblivious to the seriousness.  I asked the surgeon pretty blunt questions which were answered with very blunt answers.  Your mother's breast is gone and there is nothing I can do.  She had biopsies later that afternoon.  When they did her chest x-ray, we found out that her lungs were full.  The next week, we met with the oncologist.  He ordered lots of tests and everything came back to say that she was stage IV.  It was in all of the lymph nodes, the lungs, and the bones.  The receptor testing came back ER/PR positive and Her 2 neu negative.  She had to start radiation immediately to dry the oozing wet wound up.  They started her on Arimedex.  She has been on that since April, 2007.  For the good news, we just found out that she is in remission.  She never took chemo, never lost her hair, had a great quality of life, and has had a great quantity of life.

When I asked her why she let it go that long, she told me she was scared.  She did not want her grandchildren to see her sick.  I was really angry and still did not understand.  She also said that she had an amazing faith in God and she knew that he was going to take care of her.  I have worked through most of my anger because my mom saved my life.  By her waiting until she did, I went to have my first mammogram.  We found out 1 month and 1 day after my mom that I had breast cancer.  Mine was early and I all well now.  The dr's have told my mom that had she came forward earlier, mine might not have been found.  If she had came forward later, it may have been too late for me.  Wow, that was a scary thing to hear. 

It is ok to be angry.  Work through it.  We can never understand why.  Just remember that once you are a mother, you are always a mother.  You never want to stop and take care of yourself.  You only want to take care of others.

Dawn

roseg

The important thing is that she finally has dealt with it. Let it be a lesson to you not to put things off because you're afraid of what will happen!

As Dawn points out, although your Mom is Stage IV you can still hold hope. Oftentimes with women whose cancer has spread they take a different treatment strategy.  A cure is no longer possible, but the disease can be managed with treatments like Arimidex, Tamoxifen or radiation that are somewhat easier to tolerate.

Some breast cancers are relatively slow-growing.  She's probably had it longer than 2 years because it takes awhile to get big enough to notice.  Hold onto the hope that it's not an ultra-aggressive variety  that can be controlled for years to come.

Mothers can be pretty frustrating to deal with sometimes so you just have to let them be themselves.  But don't let your anger seperate you from her, these days are more precious than ever.