Friend going in for a bilateral mastectomy tomorrow morning

goodfriend2008

Hi, I'm new to this site but found it when trying to research what to expect after my best friend's surgery tomorrow.  I also want to know what, if anything, would be good to bring to her when I visit (other than a smile or two or three) the following day.  Also, what people found to be the most helpful during recovery and treatment, etc.  That's all I have right now, I'm sure I will have more later... thanks in advance!

roseg

I found lifting to be a problem after my unilateral. Tell her to let you know if she needs anything from the grocery.

Does she have food? Not a whole cassarole that will get moldy before she eats it all, but a prepared plate. Of course if she has a family she'll need more!  

Flowers are always nice

I think often there is a flurry of activity right after surgery. How about turning back up again a week or more later? By then she'll be feeling better, any 'helpful' house guests will have left and she may be up for a coffee someplace. 

lizws

I found opening the blasted pill bottles to be a huge pain.  She needs pillows to prop herself up with.  I lived in my recliner for a bit..... slept in it also.  Drains .....   My PS & surgeon swore that if I kept my elbows to my side as much as possible, the drains would come out quicker.  Not sure if it's true but I only had them in for 6 days.  Something to pin her drains on when she showers.  I used just a piece of ribbon.  As Rose suggested, check on her for food etc.  I agree also that many "forget" to continue to help etc.  My mom did my laundry that I didn't want my DH to do.  Simple things like that are a major help.

You're a good friend.  Tell her to hand in there.......

goodfriend2008

Yeah, I was definitely thinking about flowers and I know she LOVES coffee so she will be looking forward to random coffee deliveries for sure.  I was also planning on making a couple of dinners for her and her family... it's her, her husband and the 2 kids (8 and 10).  If I find I can't spend the time cooking (work full time and have 2 kids 2.5 and almost 1) I was going to get them takeout at one of their favorite local restaurants.  I did want to give her a symbolic gift that shows how proud I am of her courage and drive to beat this.  I'd be up for suggestions if anyone has had some nice gifts that they thought were so touching and really made them feel loved.  Not necessarily expensive but more thoughtful that reminded them of all the support and love that surrounded them.

 Thanks for the reponses so far, they are just what I'm looking for to know that I'm doing the right things.

VBG

Goodfriend,

Offering to take her kids out might be helpful.  After my surgery I did not want my kids to feel trapped because of me so "playdates" were much appreciated.  Also she might need someone to watch the kids when she has doc appts.  Offering to drive her kids to or pick them up from activities when she may not be feeling up to it!

I really appreciated my friends offers when I came to keeping my kid's lives as normal as possible.

Valerie

nik

i also has bilateral....i found that ice becomes your best firend...crushed is best...mine was in november so snow was really a great friend....

lots of rest...lots of sleep....a great friend or love....(i could not have gotten theu without my husband by my side)

the pain will be terrible but with sleep, pills and someone to help her it will go away....

lots of pillows to prop her up.....some great books to read and lots of love.... and tons of patience...if she's anything like me she will believe she can still "do it all" and will also believe "she doesn't need the pills....take them until the pain goes away and let people help you with the everyday things for awhile!

good luck tomorrow....

nik

poohsmom1947

Hi.  I hope your friend does well.  I was diagnoised with idc on Aug. 20th and just underwent bilateral mastectomies.  I did not get emotional about the surgery and still have no cried.  my recovery is going better than any doctor expected since I am overweight and allergic to most medications.  I do tire easily and had reconstruction started right after the surgeon did his thing.  

The cancer was a little more advanced than they thought and chemo will be needed. Sleep is very very important and I tire easily.  I agree that pillows to prop up is important.  The first night home I slept in a dining room chair.  It would have been nice if I had been told to use ice and if pain meds had been given to go home.  I am two weeks out of surgery and get a little discomfort but I have an extrodinary threshhold for pain.  I am just now able to hold a small paperback book and can sit at my laptop for short periods of times. 

I still cannot open the pill bottles and writing is not legible which considering I am a calligrapher it a little upsetting.  

I have to find an oncologist and not quite sure how to do that.

It is not something I would recommend to even my worst enemy, but hopefully the cancer is all out and the chemo will get the rest.  I have to trust my doctors.  I caregive to my 91 yr old handicapped and wheelchair bound mom.  I wont be able to life her wheelchair or carry packages.  I have a loving daughter and whe tries to keep my spirits up.  I worry about the wrong things like how will I pay my bills and the cancer treatment.  My attitude is that I am going to be like general schwartzkoff and win this battle.  I hope that they find a cure and want my daughter to join the army of women so that they can find the cause of cancer.

my original dx was 1.5 cm and grade 1 but now after surgery it is 2B, 2.3cm, ER and PR+ but her2-.  Looking for an oncologist as I write.  Attitude and positive thinking helps.  I am a divorced woman and what friends I had either have passed on from other types of cancer or want nothing to do with someone taking care of their mother.  They said today I can start to drive in a day or so.  

I went into a mastectomy shop and got a bra and also a camisole that had pockets (with velcro ) for the drains and that was a big help.  I paid for it myself but now my insurance will help out.  My drains were removed 1 week after surgery.  

smile, things could always be worst though some days it does not seem that way.

Ronnie