Mom is giving up

keelee

I am new to the board.  I really appreciate the opportunity to use this medium.  I am having a very difficult and stressful time coping with my mother's breast cancer.

She was diagnosed around one year ago and has been receiving chemo since February.  Prior to that, she took Arimidex.  The breast cancer spread to her lung, which is the primary problem area.  The cancer in the breast has decreased. 

She receives chemo three times a month.  It makes her very sick.  She cannot eat.  She tries to force herself to eat, but still has a problem.  She has had bouts with diarrhea and constipation.  She has lost 50 pounds since chemo started.  Fortunately, she was carrying extra weight at the start of chemo.  She is very depressed because she is sick and also extremely tired.

She is refusing any family help or involvement with the management of her care.  This is the most stressful part of her sickness.  We want to help as much as we can.  We would like to attend doctor's appointments and chemo sessions to learn more about her situation.  We feel ignorant and helpless.

I feel my mother slipping away from me.  She has an appointment with her oncologist tomorrow.  I sometimes worry that she doesn't disclose the severity of her discomfort to her doctor and nurse.  Does anyone else feel this way?

karenmary

keelee, I'm so sorry -- it is clear to me that you are hurting badly and that you love your mother very much.

Everyone handles things differently, and it seems to me that your mother doesn't want to burden you and doesn't quite understand that you need to help her for your own well-being. Have you tried saying that to her -- telling her it is what you need as her child -- instead of her need to be cared for?

keelee

Hi karenmary,

I didn't think of that approach.  I will try it and let you know!

Thanks for the reply.

fladybug

Hi keelee,

I'm new to this website and just saw your post.  You and your family are definitely feeling helpless and it doesn't have to be that way. Your mom should not have to suffer through the side effects of chemo as you described.  I have never had nausea, but had been given two meds prior to my chemo which were to alleviate it nausea.  I had complications from the chemo after seven months and I told the doc I didn't like what was happening.  He said that studies have been done that indicate a patient should be given a break from treatment when their quality of life has been compromised.  Alrightly, then .  He said that I would be on chemo the rest of my life but if I had difficulties with the side effects, he would be able to give me a break or change medications.  I would DEFINITELY get in touch with the doctor and level with him.  If he is concerned about mother, he will hear you out.  I would pursue it until I got the answers I was looking for.  The side effects are wicked at times...and she CAN get relief from some of them.  Prayers will be coming your way.