Where do you tell your story?

sta1129

I'm a single woman, halfway through radiation, and my core group of friends now live 2+ hours away. I've found myself frustrated and sad over the last 2 weeks as, now that people all assume everything is ok, cards, calls, and contact has dropped off. Except that now I'm tired and burned and sore and feel very alone and find myself dabbling in the pond of self pity. So, I'm wondering, where do you tell your story? Do you simply call people and say 'look, I need you to listen'? Do support groups help or not, since they aren't people who know and love you? They have offered for me to come to their places for dinner or get together - but the 5 hours round trip at night when I'm tired doesn't sound real appealing. Am I just getting whiny?

dhettish

sta1129,

No you are not getting whiny. I think people cannot handle the long term of cancer. I am in a 12 step group so I do still keep in contact with people but very few ask how I am really doing. I have one friend (BC survivor) who just finished chemo and rads for throat cancer. We stay in touch at least once a week. I now come here for comfort and support. I just don't expect anything from my cancer free friends. I think they are tired of me being sick. I finished chemo 4 months ago and now going through reconstruction. So I am going through expander pain but people don't want to hear it. So, I just say "I'm hanging in there" and let it drop. I come here to let others know how I am really doing. Let's face it, only BC survivors can offer true experience, strength and hope. The other people do not have a clue. And often, it makes them uncomfortable.

I hope you get to feeling better. These feelings do come and go. Somedays are better than others. Feeling bad from rads or chemo does not help.

A big cyber hug is on the way.

Debbie 

lvtwoqlt

sta1129, I have joined the local support group, I started going with my mom after my first biopsy for pre-cancer 2 yrs before my cancer dx and the ladies there have accepted me. I have come to love the women who supported me through my surgeries and recon. I didn't know them when I started but I now call them friends because they know what I am going through. I do post on here and call several of the ladies friends as well - even though we are just cyber friends.

Sometimes just posting here and reading others thoughts have helped me also get through some of the down times I have had.

cyber hug from me

Sheila

magentagirl

Go to www.caringbridge.org. You can tell your story on there and write updates in the journal as often as you like. Your friends just have to register on the site and they get an email notice every time you make a new posting. It is free. I find it really helpful so I don't have to explain over and over to everyone what is going on and they can leave messages for you in the guestbook. It's very easy to use. I am keeping a "hair diary" in photos, although now that I am losing my hair I am losing my nerve along with it! There is also a group called "chemo angels" that I signed up for and I have 2 angels who send me cards and little presents in the mail! 

myheidiscrapbooking

Hi there, Yes, I agree with you. It is so hard of a journey - especially alone. You know, I have a sister and husband and with this, I still feel alone (not their fault) its just that even when you do have someone to talk to about - you really can't let them know your real feelings so you dont worry them. You want to put on that brave face and also don't want to be a burden. I start radation very shortly and I feel as you do, people think the worst is over but I fear reoccurance (its in my lymps) all the time. I don't want to sound whiny as you said but you feel so lonely inside.  Just wanted you to know that I feel that way too and have someone - even so - I think you never feel like you can open up completely, or as you said, as often.  You dont want to sound whiney and bore people.  Its just tough. This board, for me, was the biggest relief. More than my husband and sister whom I love very much.  I think its because these women all went thru what I am, and you are, and that helps to understand the mixed emotions we all have. Its so hard. I thank god for this board and write anytime to help yourself.  I always get an answer and for that Im so grateful. I hope you update us as well- your not alone here ok? Big HUGS.

Best,

Heidi

drgnfly

I so agree with what the other ladies have written to you. This bc is a lonely journey. Friends only want to hear so much. At first it is such a shock, they realize they could loose you, that we are only mortal....cards, calls, dinners come from friends and family. Then time goes on. Surgeries are done, treatments are over, and like you said, you don't want to be having a pity party for yourself every day, so you try to put on a brave and happy face to make those around you feel better. I find that, while I am trying very hard to enjoy each day and not to let fear control me, nobody really knows what I am going through EXCEPT the people on this board. I read, sometimes I respond, but I feel like I am connected to others who know exactly where I have been and where I am going. I did find that my local hospital has a mentor program that has been helpful to me. I consider my bc mentor a better friend than some people I have known for years. She just understands me. You are looking in the right place for support! You can tell your story here. There are always sisters who are listening, who understand, and who won't think that you are being a whiner! Hang in there and keep coming back!

Annabella58

Oh boy, ladies, does this ever hit a nerve with me....I am a two timer, and NO support from familyl this time around.  One sister, minimal.  Hubby and daughter, wonderful, but as you say, don't want to worry them so keep it only here.

I don't know why and it makes me sad......I do know I am going to volunteer for every damn group I can to help other women.  Come here and post..........I have e met the most wonderful, supportive, loving women here I have ever met.  They and only they can "get" it.  I think we have to go thru it to get it.  It is a journey we have to walk alone, accompanied if we are lucky by family, but more realistically by others who have been here.

Yes, here is the place to be.  It is a life saver!

Hugs to you, honey.

love

annie

Yogi70

Sta1129,

You are not being whiny.  Tell your story here.  We will listen because we understand and know how you feel.  (((((HUGS))))))

sta1129

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You've expressed so many things I've been having trouble putting into words, but are true. Looking back to yesterday morning, I have to admit that an older friend of my died over the weekend of a different cancer. He had lived long past what every doctor had expected, I had been at the hospital and doctor's appts with him, the kids had only appeared over the last couple of days, and I realized people show up for the big stuff. Its the day to day that's hard.

I see the doctor today about my burning. The oncologist soon about what's next. The news on the site today is about the aggressiveness of under 40 cancer, so I have a few questions for him. And I will be here regularly - you are wonderful, and I feel those hugs. I need them. 

Peace to you all,

Stacie