Sixty and Single and Boobless

victorious

Actually I am 59 but turn 60 in Dec.  I was diagnosed last Jan.  had a bilateral and am pondering recon.  In the meantime, I am single and feeling alone and frustrated.  Being 60 and single is not easy but being sixty, single and boobless!! is a bit much.  So I am looking for "older women" (I did not use the OLD word!!!  We are not OLD! But thingsare not quite the same as when your in your 20, 30, 40;s or even early fifties for that matter.  After 57 is when I noticed a shift.  Anway, if there is anyone out that in my boat, leet's chat.  If we lived in the same ara and could get together that would be something huh!!

Victorious

Anonymous

Victorius...Even if you don't hear from anyone in your same situation, you are sure welcome to join us here.and talk about any issues you wish!

~Marin

Anonymous

60 is not that much older than us ..........  I am 45 ... and still feeling young!

jerseymaria

victorious, i just turned 64 last week. i had left mast. although many times i've wished i had bilateral just so i wouldn't be lopsided.  at first i wasn't sure if i wanted recon. but events since then have put it out of the question for me so i think i would rather just be boobless on both sides. i do have a hub here but might as well not...life would be easier if i were by myself.  i'm in south jersey.  maria

victorious

Rocker and Maria,

 I'm feeling young today!  I think I may finally actually  be learning to take it one day at a time.  I look forwrd to feeling young again tomorrow.

Victoria

mudpuppies

Hi Victorious, I am 59 will turn 60 in Oct. Have been divorced for more years than I was married.  I had left mast. in June, I wanted Dr. to take both then but he didn't so now I have to waite till after chemo and rad. I am not sure if I will have reconstruction. I was going to, but now don't know. What the heck do I need them for? Anyway I try to get on line at least once a week. I am so busy being self-employed and trying to pay the bills through all this, that I don't make it a priority. But I will look forward to hearing back. Cathy

victorious

Mud[puppies and all,

I have been divorced for 7 years now.  Was married twice.  Once when I was 24 and that lasted 3 years. Then again when I was 47 and that lasted for 7 years.  I am not great at 'picking'.  Have teaken crare of myself in the $$$ department (barely sometimes). I would love to have aanother life partner - but it will not be the end of the world if I do not.  But, I have pretty much decided to go for the recon.  I just do not like the way I look.  The whole process scares me (implants) but if I survived chemo and I can sure as hell survive recon. 

I am glad to see that my little topic has had a new response!  It is great to talk to others that are not only dealing with breast cancer but also the big 60!  A double whammy if there ever was one.

 Victoria

marianas

Hi Ladies,

Nice to read that I am not the only one in this world having the "single&boobless" issue

I am twice divorced, single since 2003, double mastectomy, 2 year after diagnose, active and happier then ever.

I was diagnosed on my left breast, but  insisted to remove both and this was my best ever decision - now I am flat & beautiful and have no plans to reconstruct. Do not use any protheses.

My experience is that men do not really care if you have boobs or not, anyhow at our age boobs are only going to hang downwards and irritate us. So I consider myself lucky to not experience hanging boobs ever

Otherwise, I believe we have no reason to complain as we are all alive and able to write on this forum.

 I do believe there are men out there, if you really want it - this will come. Just start dreaming again, girls...

I am 53 now and look forward to all years I can have ahead in time - single or not - who cares. 

I will not dedicate my life looking for a partner and waisting my energy into this.

If it ever happens, if somebody comes and says he likes me - I will consider him, but right now I am so busy - there are so many nice and exciting things i wouldl ike to do and experience,

The experience with breast cancer gave me the ultimate freedom - now i do not need to compromise with unpleasant people or situations. I can choose how I shall live my life and that is the best ever feeling.

Anybody who wants to write is welcome.

Do not forget how strong we all are and trust in your attractiveness - it comes from inside, not from boobs or silicone.

 

NancyD

Victorius,

I'm a  57 year old boobless single, too. Divorced for almost more years than I was married, but came away with two great kids.

I was dx last February and went through neoadjuvant chemo, surgery, just finished my adjuvant chemo and will start rads right after Labor Day. Right now, I'm just letting my body heal from the cancer, but I have pretty definite plans to have reconstruction...when, is the big question.

The earliest would be next year, but I have my youngest graduating from high school in June, then on to college in the Fall. And the expense of that might keep me from recon until I can recoup my financial status to pre bc/pre college level.

I go flat as much as I wear something to fill...it really depends on the article of clothing. Some dresses need a bit of push out while others look perfectly fine without stuffing. But I have noticed that people don't pay a whole lot of attention to my chest, so it's really for my own aesthetics that I do anything. No heavy prosthetic, just a puffy form in a strapless bra (they have an elastic edge that doesn't ride up...very comfy, really).

I haven't tried any dating since bc. Truthfully, I wasn't dating before bc. My focus since my divorce has been my children and my career. I have a circle of friends for socializing that I have known for over 30 years. Some of them I have know even longer...since high school. So the issue of meeting someone isn't high on my list, but I do like the idea of the "possibility". BC certainly has complicated that, but as soon as I am able to afford it and my body has heal sufficiently, I will start researching the options.

I'm in the NYC area. 

lafera12

Hi all,

I'm one of us matured girls -will turn 60 in Nov...Was diagnosed in Feb.. Started chemo the end of Feb. and fininshed the first week of Aug.--Surgery on Sept. 10th-having a mast on my left breast. Can't do reconstruction yet because I have to have radiation after and then back on herception for a year..Thankfully I have family coming to stay with me for a couple of weeks and I have friends for after they leave.

Jerseymarie and Victorious , where do you live?  I'm also in South Jersey, Ocean County..

Angie

jerseymaria

angie i'm in the brick, toms river area.  hey if they're enough of us maybe a lunch?  of course have to get someone to stay with hub.  maria

lafera12

Maria

I'm in the Tuckerton area....only about an hour away....

Are there any other girls from south Jersey?

Angie

victorious

All -

 I have not been on the boards because I was in the hospital and then recovering for a few days.  I started bilaterl reconstruction.  Whew!  It hurt!!  But is now calming down and I think I will get the last two drain tubes out in a few days.  First expansion set for Sept. 16.

 I cannot tell you how glad I am that I did it!  Even with the pain.  It was so great to look down at my chest and see something other than ;inched hanginging, sagging skin.  They put 100cc's of fluid in the expanders during the surgery so those places I just spoke of aare all puffed out.  It is like I am looking at myself again even tho I know they are totally not the real deal. 

I live in PA about an hour and 30 mins West of Philly.  Sooo you Jersey gals will have to meet without me.  Too bad!!

 I have decided to do some traveling after my work season (I work in horticulture so my work is kinda seasonal).  I just want to get in my car and go.  Start out with visitng friends but let life and the universe guide me where they will and see where I end up and maybe - with whom!!?? 

 I guess I might have to change my signature to sixty, single with booblets.

Victoria

kerry_lamb

Hey Vicorious!

I have very little in common with you( except bc, of course)..I'm 50 this month, with a wonderful husband !

I'm responding to tell you that I have really good friends of all ages, and I mean right up to 85!

Why?? because I've learned that inside our skin and hair (...I remember hair.......sigh) we are exactly the girls we were when were in our 'prime'. For me that was mid-twenties! I have learned more from older girls than I ever have from those my own age. And do you know what? We never, ever become LESS vain! So if you feel unattractive at 69 (inside age: 25), then have the recon! Remember..it's by no accident that your name is 'Victorious' !! XX

Kerry

PS I just read your recent post. Y-a-a-a-y to you! 

Sashiko

Hi Victorious,

 I am a 67 year old Aussie, two years down the track. Not breastless, but certainly somewhat impaired!!  Actually that part of it bothers me not at all. Wonderful excuse not to wear a bra!!

I have had several encounters on internet dating sites, and to my surprise, not one of those chaps have been put off by the knowledge of my bc.  However, I have only actually met one, who came to lunch, all the way from Melb. (500 miles) and I was somewhat appalled to find that he did not have ANY front teeth!!!  So I guess we all have our scars and some baggage.

My bigest problem, is lack of support . My sister walked out after only 6 weeks and so did most of my so called friends. they just can't cope with the concept of "cancer". Now, two of their husbands have it!!!

It is so hard going for the ongoing tests alone, being terrified so much of the time and putting on that brave smile day after day, to make everyone else feel better!!  I have decided instead, that I am going to grow into an eccentric, grumpy old lady and I cannot wait to get started.

Please correspond if you feel the need, my private email address is rfp2539@gmail.com My daughter. Sophie, lives permanently in New York, with MY TWO GRANDCHILDREN!!

There is a lot of support on these sites, so I guess none of us really need to feel alone.

Good luck to you,

Sashiko

alittlebird

I'm also sixty, single and boobless! I had bilateral mast no reconstruction almost 1 year ago. I was starting to face the triple negative (60, single, boobless) when I found out I needed chemo. Add hairless to that list. My hair is coming back now but I felt as if every feminine attribute had been wiped away. I might as well have been a flat, hairless 9 year old boy. I have been separated from my husband for almost 12 years and was about to initiate a divorce when my cancer was discovered. Divorced I would have had NO medical insurance. Now I can't get medical insurance on my own so no divorce for now. My husband and I are friends but just can't live together. Our two daughters are grown. I would be unlikely to find a man that met my high standards anyway but now that seems impossible. I do have good friends but it's lonely at night. My cat is a great listener but seem not to want to share her opinions.

victorious

Shashiko and Lil'Bird and All,

I can no longer sayu that I am single, sixty and boobless - because  I decided to get foobs!  And I am totally happy with my decision. I am in theskin expansion process right now and will have the switch in mid-Nov.  Right before I turn the  big 60!

 I'm  not feeling ready to date yet though. Too darn tired.  I see a therapist and I talked to him this week about being so tired.  I said, "I don't know if it because my body has been through so much, or if it has do do with being older or if it has to do with taking Femara".  He replied, "I'd say all three!".  After I work all day and get home and get cleaned up and eat and do a bit of yoga, I am done.  No will or gumption to go out. 

 It is nice to chat with women around my age. Let's keep it up!

Victoria

I am going to try the internet dating thing after the New Year. 

mzmiller99

62 (almost), single, with one normal, saggy, boob and a mini me to go with it! 

Can't imagine dating - I tried it this summer, during treatment, and I needed to go home by 7, before I fell asleep at the table!  Big whoop.

Now that I'm back to teaching, there's just not time to meet anyone.  I tried EHarmony.com years ago, and they couldn't find anyone for me.  How to feel like a loser without even trying.  So, good luck, Victoria.  If you find anyone, let me know.  There may be hope for us seasoned gals!

Susan

jdash

nancy d  your insurance company should be paying for your reconstruction   actually i have never heard of one not paying for it after bc  

ninjagrandma

I love all of your attitudes!! That's half the battle. I have been a widow for 15 years and had a right mastectomy in September so am still getting used to it. My oldest son (45 yrs old) calls me the "Uniboober". LOL  I found a new lump in the other breast recently so don't know what will happen with that. Seems like it's easier to laugh than cry. I'm not looking for a man but it gets lonely sometimes. I just found this web site so will be on again.

mzmiller99

I love the "uniboober"!  That would make a great screen name.  Crap on the new lump.  Isn't there always something new to worry about? 

Yes, it is easier to laugh.  Just sometimes, though, the crying feels better.  Not so much lately.  Until the next unexpected crisis arises. 

YoungAtHeartinCT

Ladies,

I just received my diagnosis yesterday so am still swimming in too much information.  Having MRI, sonogram and chest  x-ray next week and surgery (lumpectomy) the following week.  I just wanted to chime in on the 50's plus and single conversation.  I  have been divorced for ten years and have gone out on more dates than I care to remember.  I had a brief (very brief) relationship that actually led to someone seeing me naked, but otherwise I've been hiding in my clothes since the divorce.  So of course I am worriedly thinking forward to what would be my choice if the surgery comes out poorly.  I will come back to that afterwards.  I could drive myself nuts trying to second-guess the future.  But a brief story for all of you....many, many years ago my mother had breast cancer (she was 49 and had just had a surprise menopause baby).  She ended up with a double mastectomy.  When my father visited her in the hospital after the operation, she made some crack about being a "boobless wonder" to which my father replied "that's o.k., dearie, it just means we can get closer together".  Bless his heart.

This site was recommended to me by my surgeon and I will be checking in regularly. Thank you all for being here and being supportive for all of us.  I guess it's kind of like trying to enjoy a party that none of us wanted to go to in the first place.

Tina 

Anonymous

Tina...WELCOME to BC.org and to our Singles corner! I'm so sorry that you've had to join us and you are so right about being at a party that none of us wanted to go to. I know that you're in a scary place right now. Every one of us here has been there and we know just how you feel. Which is to say that NO feelings you have are wrong or inappropriate. I'd say that THE most important thing for you to remember right now is: IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU...for now and until you get through the toughest part of your journey. So give yourself permission to be entirely self-absorbed and, most important, self-caring.

We're absolutely here for you and you can discuss anything you want and vent anyway you need to!

~Marin

YoungAtHeartinCT

Thanks Marin.  Great to know there is so much of the sisterhood supporting us all.  Will be back with a zillion questions after procedures.  And will be muttering about the delay in getting back to working out.  It's like my tranquilizer. 

Tina

ninjagrandma

Had mammogram & ultrasound on new lump last Friday, radiologists says looks ok will see surgeon next week. Had ct scan today of chest & abdomen. I now have absolutely NO secrets!! LOL Anyway the port they put in in Sept didn't work so had to stick me 3 times. Can't have chemo because of auto immune liver disease so don't know why they put it in in the first place.  Its been 3 months since mastectomy & I'm still really sore. Is this normal?? Been feeling down this week, maybe because of Christmas, not sure. Next week will be better. Susanne

ninjagrandma

well, it's back to surgery.  Dr can't decide what new lump is so going to look at it & do bx. Also taking out port which won't work. Oncologist says not candidate for chemo so don't need it anyway. OR is tomorrow AM so pray for me. Susanne

mzmiller99

Suzanne,

Crap.  So sorry that you're back on the bx treadmill.  It's good that the port is coming out.  We'll pray for b9 results!! 

Big (((HUGS))) and best luck!

Susan

willolady

  Hi girls!, just joined. I wish I knew about this site a long time ago. Had a lumpectomy and my "female" surgeon only asked me "where do you want the nipple to go" Dah!, across from my other one. Even though I had this done in '05, I still can't stand to look at myself in the mirror!  It looks like the surgeon took what was left of any skin, pulled it up high in my chest, and stuck a nipple on it.  It is nowhere near where my other breast is. Good thing my Italian deceased husband isn't around to see this mess!  I'll have to just go out to Pat Cantan's and buy one of those "falsies" to fill out my bra I guess.  I know this is nothing compared to what I've been reading on this site.  I should be happy it wasn't any worse, maybe I'll just have to cover the mirror when I take a shower! Tina

Anonymous

Tina...Why don't you seek out a good PS (plastic surgeon)? You can all the work done that is necessary to achieve symmetry and a nice, satisfying look. And the best part is that your insurance will cover it (at least most insurances do if it's related to BC). I also had a lumpectomy back in '05 and am getting ready for surgery in January to fill in the "dent," lift the healthy breast...and in an effort to get both breasts looking (and feeling) strong and healthy, have silicone implants inserted underneath the muscle. For those of us who have had rads, this can be tricky, but my PS has lots of experience and is optimistic. It is my belief that, after BC, we each have the right to return to as "normal" state as possible. So check it out since it sounds like it could make you feel much better about yourself. And after all, what could be more important?

~Marin

ninjagrandma

path report came back neg. HOORAY!!!!! Just a fatty lump to add to my fat collection.   Susanne

Jaybird627

YEA!!! It's always great to celebrate something, even if it's only fat!