How do i talk to my girlfriend

janined86

I dont know what to do i need help my girlfriend has a lump in her right breast. I have tryed talking to her about going to get diagnosed but she wont go. I really think she just does not want to here some tell her that there is something is wrong. she tells me that she will go after her 25 birthday in Feb. she tells me that she has had the lump for a while now but not really sure how long. I told her i would not talk about it because she gets mad  but i cant stop thinking about it i need some one to talk to. its also hard only because every time we........ i feel it. i just dont know what to do. im scard for her and her health. some one please help me.

NoH8

Gosh janine, that';s tough. You're right to be concerned about your gf's lump. 80% of breast lumps are noncancerous, but if she's in the 20% that isn't very comforting. Breast cancer usually grows very fast in young women, because they are more likely to have an aggressive form of the cancer. While it may be easier not to talk about it, so she doesn't get mad, I doubt you would forgive yourself if you remained silent and something was wrong. Also, if there is something wrong, your gf would probalby have a hard time forgiving herself for not getting things checked out. If you can feel her lump during sex, that's pretty concerning, especially if you're feeling it accidently.

Getting a lump checked out is scary, but it's not as scary as having breast cancer and knowing you could have done something sooner and that might have been the difference between your survival or not.

Maybe if you're uncomfortable talking to her, or if it doesn't go well when you do, you can get a few of her loved ones and friends together to talk to her together. Your gf is VERY lucky to have you.

rayne_23

here's a hint:

she's probably worried about hearing bad news, which i agree with obama4pres, is only 20% of the time. So angle your concern around the other 80%:

"it's probably nothing, so lets just go, and have it confirmed as nothing."

 "then we'll both feel better"

She might be more receptive to that reasoning and it might ease her mind and at Very LEast go get it checked out. Move around the subject from a lighter side...because it COULD be serious and you don't want to scare her into a corner.

that's all i've got for now, but i agree, don't wait.

janined86

first i wold like to say thank you for all you have told me. next i wold like to say we talked about it the outher day, but no chang... i dont know what els to do. i get upset and start caying....i think im gonna leav it be....

vkfrainbow

My partner (33 years) was dx a couple of weeks ago and right now is on Arimidex.  Will start A/C Oct 1st.

My dilemma is that she does not want to know about the side effects of what she is taking; has no interest in connecting with others who have bc; does not want to be pro-active in preparing for the IV part of her tx, except that she got a wig.

My take is that "knowledge is power" and sorrow shared is sorrow halved and I am certainly willing to take on the knowledge part of it, but I need someone's experience - is this reaction to be expected ? Judy is a type A Virgo so this non-take charge attitude is NOT normal.  Should I just give her the space she needs and wait it out?  Any other approaches?

TIA,

Val

NoH8

I'm with you val, knowledge is power. Your partner sounds like she's terrified and expecting the worst from treatment.  She also may be in a state of shock. I think your best bet is allowing her the emotional space to deal with the knowledge as she feels comfortable, while filling yourself up on the knowledge and putting things into place that can help her with the side effects of treatment.

We;re here for you and your partner if at some point she wants to visit. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

Jo_Ann_K

Janine,

What if you volunteered to get a breast check with her so you would go through the experience together?  It's normal to start breast check's in your 20's so it wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary.

My two cents..for what it's worth,

Jo Ann

vkfrainbow

So Judy & I got thru the first A/C treatment on Oct. 1st (an appropriate month to begin txt, eh?) and she is finishing up her oral dexamethasone. (2 PO for days 1,2,3 of chemo).  Dunno if the anti-nausea drug worked (generic Kytril), but she was sick!    She is doing LOTS of water and her food intake is OK.

Chemo nurse was terrific.  Spent lots of time explaining each step and loaded us down with more to read - some of which Judy DID read!  Nuelasta inj yesterrday.  Acupuncture today and blood work next 2 Tuesdays.  Second (of 4) A/C treatment scheduled for Oct. 24.

vkfrainbow

Three out of 4 completed with minimal side effects.  The last of this series is scheduled just after Thanksgiving.

Judy is taking a more active/proactive role in her treatments and talking about the mastectomies and reconstruction next year.  For both of us, the fear of what is happening and going to happen is lessened with experience and the terrific support we get both on and offline. 

We are able to do Thanksgiving at our house this year with the help and support of all of our family who are pitching in to handle different segments of the meal.  We are responsible for the bird, veggies and Val's mashed potatoes.

TTYL.  Thanks for being here.

NoH8

I'm glad things are looking up and that you and Judy. I'm very impressed that you're having thanksgiving at your house-- even without Judy being in the middle of chemo. I hope you have an enjoyable holiday  and that Judy is feeling well that day.

vkfrainbow

I think Judy was DETERMINED to prove she is ok by whipping out dish after dish to the menu.  And, we ended up with company beyond the original departure date of that Sunday. 

I was totally stressed out having to deal with all of the family for that long.  Am sure because the attention was not on me - I had hoped for someone to take me aside and talk.  Yeah, I was on a real pitty pot for sure!

This coming Monday (Dec. 15) an MRI is scheduled and the first of 14 weekly Taxol treatments begins Dec. 24.  One day at a time...

NoH8

How is everything going?

vkfrainbow

First round of chemo went really, really well.  No tummy upsets.  Hardest part was the aches from the Neulasta shot.  MRI shows 60% reduction in the breast tumor size and NO lymph node involvement.  Two of 12 weekly Taxol in her veins.

 But, I am a wreck.

We are now exploring reconstructive surgeons who can perform a skin saving technique (DIEP specialized).  Her job is find them and we are starting the interview process next week. In the meantime, we cannot be apart - this strong, beautiful woman is clinging so tightly, I cannot make a move without her by my side WHEREVER I am going - grocery store or bookstore.  I need to take a paying job (I am a web designer and SEO consultant, teacher) but how do I be in 3 or 4 places at once?

We are really blessed with a cancer policy that will pay what insurance does not pick AND will pick up my travel and lodging for reconstruction, so we are not really limited to the greater Sarsaota/Tampa area for surgeons.  I WILL go where it is best for her.

Thanks y'all for being here.

NoH8

Wow, you have great insurance! I diidn't think that existed any more. Of course you're a wreck, all that running around and worrying takes its toll. Make sure you're taking time for yourself too.   When you figure out how to be 3 or 4 places at once,please let me know so I can do it too, LOL.

vkfrainbow

The insurance is a separate cancer policy she has.

Right now, it looks like we are sticking close to home - Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa for mastectomy and reconstruction surgeries since she is not a candidate for a DIEP, TRAM flap or other free flap reconstructions.  Kinda hard to take after all of the researching she did on the possibilities.  We spent HOURS in discussions with the surgeons there AND their staff - WOW I can see why folks choose Moffitt!