Feeling a bit low - please help

MelanieD

Hi,

 I think I'm posting because I need some support. I was diagnosed with Grade 3, Stage 2, 2.5cm, node neg, triple neg bc in Nov 2007 (although I found the lump in June). I've finished my chemo, 4xEpirubicin and 4x Capecitebine and start 15 rads and 5 boosters on 11 July.

I'm 33 and have a little boy who will be four in July. I am so scared I won't make it through - he needs me so much.

Every ache and pain sends me into a blind panic - the latest are headaches. I just want to get through, but I'm so scared. 

You ladies seem to be such a caring bunch - I would be grateful for some words of encouragement.

Love Mel x 

Msklapkin

Hi Mel,

I was stage 2 and node positive, triple negative.  It has been 3 years for me and I am feeling good.

You will make it thru- it will be over before you know it.  Congrats on getting thru chemo- see you did that and so many people are most scared of chemo.

I will tell you-right before my last chemo was the lowest emotionally for me- I was tired, my body was tired and I cried all the time.  that was when I asked my doc for anti depressants- he said of course- he could not see how anyone could go thru what we have without getting blue and needing help.

What you are feeling is entirely normal- it will get better!

Take care of yourself- you are fighting for you and your little boy!

we are here for you

susan

my3girls

Hi Mel,

I am so sorry that worry has taken over for you.  It is so easy to do.  It seems so easy to say, but please don't let every ache and pain overcome you. Just think before bc...you had aches and paines that you probably never thought twice about.  Right?  If it makes  you feel better, keep track of your headaches and see your oc...for reassurance.

The encouragement is...there are soooo many ladies who are triple neg. here...and they are doing just great!! In fact...I believe they have a thread for the triple neg.  You may want to post there...they most certainly will support you and make you feel allot better.

You will grow old and watch your little boy become a man!!

Hang in there! Much love and support to you!

xoxo

Lisa

Shirlann

Hi Melanie, lovey, please know that all of us, or almost all of us suffer from some level of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.  This is a long, scary, painful, nasty journey.  With no "end" that we can see from here.

It does get better with time, but it is painful and hard.  The worst is family that look at you and you can see in their eyes their thoughts, "humph, you are okay, what is your problem?"  Add that attitude to the other issues.  Fortunately, not all of us get this.

I took anti-depressants, and for me at least, they were truly a God given gift.  But you may not want to go that way.  They are not addictive and after a year or two, when you get your confidence back you can slllowlly get off them.  They were a  miracle for me, but I am/was a lifelong panic attack/depressive/anxiety person to begin with.

Hugs, and kisses, Shirlann 

pinoideae

Hi Melanie,  I couldn`t imagine leaving my sons either  (or my husband for that matter), our sons were old enough to know what was going on (10 and 15 years old), and I know it worried them and hurt them to see me throughout the various treatments and surgeries.  But we got through it all and you know what, we are stronger for it.

 It will be 7 years out from my diagnosis of triple negative breast cancer, grade 3, node negative.  A good prognosis of yours is node negative.  Another good prognosis is you are having chemo and radiation (research and success rates in the battle of breast cancer say these treatments do work in triple negative breast cancer).  Also, research states (and I cant remember the exact percentage) if triple negative cancer recurs, it will recur in the same breast somewhere between 90%  to 100% of the time.  So you must be vigilant with self examination and mammos (but this does not mean that your cancer will recur).  However, as Shirlann stated the longer you go without a recurrence of this breast cancer, the better your prognosis you will never have a recurrence.  When I look back the first 2 to 3 years went by fast.  By back then when I was looking forward it seemed so far ahead to go.  I trusted my oncologist, and my radiologist, and I attended my mammos and medical appts.  I also had a large portion of my breast removed (a couple years later) in the bottom quadrant where the tumor was.  Recently I have had a pedicle tram which gave me my breast back and I am over the moon (as I said in another thread). 

Sadie-Rose

Hi Mel,

I hope you are having a restful weekend.  I remember the anxiety had an ebb and flow to it when I was going through treatment.  Actually it still does, but the length of less concern is longer now and it doesn't seem to have the same grip on me. Even follow up testsare getting easier unless the doctors are looking for something new.

Some medical centers have nurses that specialize in stress management and that can be helpful.  I am pro seeing a counselor too.  It is nice to have someone to travel this journey with.  The women here are wonderful too. Also the chemotherapy treatments can mess with your neuro-transmitters and that is why many women find antidepressants helpful.  They can actually cause a depression, not to mention everything else you are going through.

My oncologist said it was her job to keep my spirit in mind.  She said to call her office if I had a question and the answer would reduce my stress.  I did find that helpful just to know I could call.  Sometimes a simple answer could relieve my stress and we know we heal better when our stress is lower.  I am so glad you felt comfortable to reach out to everyone here.  Keep reaching.

 Warmly,

Sadie

pinoideae

I remember therapy sessions were available to me too, and I did sign up, but after 2 sessions, decided it was not for me, and asked the department of the cancer hospital I attended (for 6 years through treatment and follow up ) to make sure someone who needs it gets my spot and they did.  There was a lot of ladies attending in the group session I was in.  I knew I was not alone.  Your feelings are normal, we all have dealt with it through the breast cancer experience.   

Vickan

Hi Mel,

I am 39 with a 2½ year old son. I just finished Chemo and will start Radiation in August. I have the similar concerns and worries like you are having at the moment. Guess that is normal.. as I want to LIVE for many more years. It´s like a roller-coaster and appears suddenly without any notice and then the fear is approaching me. We have to be positive and like many writes trust the onc´s. You are node negative I had to affected nodes so you can imagine me feeling...  Hang in there and all the best to you.

Victoria

pattypoo53

I am Patty ,diagnosed Dec 03 ,triple negative, no nodes out of 28, stage IIa ,2.8 cm. ,no vascular invasion ,atypical medullary, but they treated it like an Invasive Ductal.  lumpectomy, 4 ac then 4 taxol every three weeks ,then 33 rads so far so good. I have a follow next week and I am still nervous, I can relate to the fear of reocurrence. I am 4 1/2 years out. Hang in there.

Patty

MelanieD

Hi Everyone,

Thanks so much for these messages of support - it is so good to hear from you all. I am feeling a bit brighter today - a good weekend of children's birthday parties and seeing good friends always helps one's mood!

Susan - so glad you are three years out and feeling good. You're right about the chemo - m body is soooo tired and I think the space between chemo and radiotherapy is a strange time. I am coming round, but know I have to enter the treatment fray once more!

Lisa - thanks for the cheerleading - your post really cheered me up. It's so easy to fall into the doom and gloom, but I think I'm coming out again (but am sure will be back there too!)

Shirlann - I am seeing my GP on a regular basis to manage the 'medical' anxieties, so I imagine if things get too much for me I can ask for some meds to help me through. I hope I don;t need to - am fed up with drugs, but I'm not closed to that type of help if needed. Thank you for your support.

Sadie & Summer - I am seeing the cancer clinical psychologist which has been really helpful - it gives me time to think and reflect about everything (looking after a four year old limits that type of thinking!) and I really recommend the talking to make sense of it all, especially the fear. Thanks for your advice.

Victoria - we are definitely in the same boat. I am generally positive and living as normally as possible, but then the fear descends and I start spiralling out of control. I hope we can both get through this horrible thing and be around for our boys. That is the thing that gets me scared and upset more than anything - thinking about him. Thank you for posting a message of support - it's so valuable.

Patty - so glad you're so far along the road from dx. I hope your follow-up goes well - I can imagine it is a very stressful time leading up to the check. Thank you for replying - it means a lot.

I will be back here - feel very supported. It's really helped hearing from you all.

Mel xx

NarberthMom

Melanie --

Another voice to let you know that you're not alone. My ds was five at the time of diagnosis (Dec 2006). Fast forward one a half years later (and nine months of treatment, from surgery to chemo to rads), and he doesn't seem to have suffered.  

One important thing to remember when all is done, is that you have to stay healthy for your son. I use that as motivation to make sure that I get off my butt and work out and that I focus on eating healthy foods. I've found that those lifestyle changes have also stabilized my mood, and I'm now back to seeing the world as "a glass half full", rather than my more despondent "glass half-empty" that I felt during the whole ordeal. 

Hugs,

Hillary 

MelanieD

Hi Hillary,

Thanks for your message - is good to hear about your little boy and that he is doing fine after all you've been through. My son also is doing great - I think keeping him informed of what was happening made his passage through all this much easier. He knew what to expect and when (esp the hair loss) and therefore was much less anxious or worried.

I feel brighter this week - will keep trying to look forward positively. I know I'll have bad days, but hope that they are fewer than previously. I start rads next Friday so another big step.

Love Mel x

Anonymous

Hi Mel,

I have two boys, ages 23 and 13.  Aren't little boys great!  They are so full of energy, and their hugs are so tight.

You're still going through treatment, and that's probably why you feel so sad. If it gets to be too much  you may want to talk to your doctor about it.  I've always been on and off anti-depressants.  I find that there are some depths I just can't tolerate.  Also, being a teacher of small kids, I can't afford to be weepy all the time.

Now, 3 years after dx. (and on summer vacation)  I am 1 month off the anti-depressants.  I feel okay.  I may just be able to do it without the anti-depressants.

 I wish you better, happier days ahead.  It does get better! 

cazza

Hi Mel

I was at my lowest just when I finished my treatment. You are no longer in constant care of the medical community and feel that you need to fend for yourself and are fearful of what is to come. This feeling is very common with tri negs since we have no additional treatment following chemo.

It will get easier over time and the fear of every ache and pain does lessen. I have noticed that my body may get more pains than before treatments.

One thing I would recommend and it's not seen as a weakness is to possibly go on anti depressants during this time. I had a history of depression prior to bc but found that being on them a great help. 

Anyway take care and I hope you are ok at the moment